Day 294

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the resistance to getting up and going to work everyday or focus on being productive everyday.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear and resistance to getting up everyday and getting something done that needs to get done.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of ending an abusive relationship.

I forgive myself that i havw accepted and allowed myself to believe that i have to put up with abuse to be ina relationship and have sex.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of stopping abusing myself and others in my environment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed others to abuse me and believe that i deserve it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the belief that people in my environment have the right to abuse me because of what ive done in the past even when ive done alot to support them with little result.

Day 293

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown of the world and fear the unknown within doing what i need to do in self honesty to support myself in this reality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of my own fear of the unknown in the process of anticipating the eventuality of having to walk through it and/or within the process of already walking through it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of the unknown.

Day 292

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of speaking to a woman im interested in with no hidden agendas and with no expectations.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of spontaneous ly speaking to or starting a moment of communication with a woman im interested in.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of letting go of the preconceptions and ideas i have about women in my mind.

Day 291

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to acknowledge my power and my ability to affect great change on a cellular level.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to care about my well being.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to accept and embrace my own potential and myself in general.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realise the power of self forgiveness when written and spoken aloud towards affecting self transformation inside and outside of myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed my past relationships and the dynamics set as precedents within those relationships to inhibit me or stop me from taking self responsibility for my life through the diligent application of self forgiveness through the written and spoken word.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame my family and those close to me for me not applying self forgiveness more diligently to further facilitate change in my life and therefore using that blame as an excuse to remain limited within the accumulation of not taking that action and therefore then living the change.

Day 290

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of giving up my ego.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of my ego getting in the way of me living my life.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of surrendering my ego to that which is self honest.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear that my ego is stronger than me in every way conceivable and can take me out.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear that my ego has complete and total control over me and who i am.

Day 289

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to accept the benefits of applying self forgiveness on a regular basis and posting it on the internet on a blog for all to see.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to be curious as to the result of doing this consistently over time to see the results.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear the outcome of doing this on a regular basis and living the results as a part of me out of some fear that i will lose sometging of myself that i apparently am holding onto even when that which im holding onto does not suit me all that well as i can tell whenever i do find myself applying this amd see the immediate effects even after a long period of avoidance and or apathy towards or resistance towards it.

Day 288

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see with clarity and focus what i need to be doing with my life right now and the changes that need to be made in order for me to be successful stable and happy.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to be brutally honest with myself about what i should be doing right now that considers not only what is best for me moving forward into the future but wjat is best for all as well along the way so that i will reap the rewards of both.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to be stern and diligent in setting aside time each day to write out and say some self forgiveness as well as i post it on this blog for more benefits.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of what i will become if i were to be more diligent in my setting aside time to do self forgiveness as well as doing it unconditionally in moments where i am able to instead of usually sitting inside of my mind in those moments.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see that me doing my self forgiveness and posting my self forgiveness has got nothing to do with anybody else except me and that is for my benefit and not to prove something to somebody else.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel lethargic in my application of self forgiveness and feel like im getting nowhere.

Day 287 -

Time and time again life is showing you that you cant continue on the path that you are on and believe in anything other than your own application. common sense dictates that that application should be in line with or aligned with self honesty and what is best for all because everything else is worldly self interest. When you begin to take part in that and delve within that you will come to grips with the fallacy of what you had been living and the fallacy of continuing down such an existence wherein you will also see the fallacies within others that are continuing down such paths and the predicament of having to deal with such people, which will then present themselves as barriers and they will be so actually, to the new truth that is you that you have discovered in a significant way in real time over time and the new truth about you and life as whole that you and others alike have yet to discover. The longer you go the more you will be inundated with the grips of the fallacy in order to pull you back in as if the fallacy in you or the old you and the fallacy of everyone else is like a hive where your fellow bees will start to do everything they can to bring you back to the hive if you were to go astray(not saying that bees do this..) This is so Because you now are a threat to their self identity that exists actually as a fallacy that they will not want to see as the truth of themselves as that is so scary and difficult to see and look at , much less actually face and attempt to change. In this way they will concede to that lie to such an extent that they would lie to themselves knowingly and even go so far as to sabotage and persecute another that stands for and as their best interest on their behalf.  the undending responsibility that comes along with actually walking the change that needs to be walked that others may show you that needs to be walked and the tasks of facing the fallacy head on wherein in so doing one outcasts themselves from the hive is so scary many will become treacherous towards others who are doing just that in order to maintain their illusion. To embark on and walk the path of those that are persecuted, slandered, and even killed takes guts. for doing so will expose all the seeds of the devil for its weeds are many among those of the sons of the kingdom. Be careful not to sow that which an angel would cast you into a fiery furnace for sowing as she will reap all that man has sown good and bad and will separate the two and keep that which is good and throw out the bad. And she has that authority as it is preprogrammed by the bible and she will do so not knowing she is even such a figure depicted in the bible. Then your christs will call upon many to listen to them bearing the consciousness of christ without having done any real work to compare themselves to christ , and those who actually are and have some credibility will never reveal such explicity in any way whatsoever.

Day 286

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be honest with myself with regards to what i need to do in order immediately in my reality in order to take full responsibility in self honesty for my life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility with regards to what i need to do immediately in self honesty in my reality and environment factoring and weighing in what is best in each one of my relationships disallowing excuses to inhibit me or stop me from doing so.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place blame on others in my life as an excuse to not take proper responsibility and do what needs to be dpne practically in self honesty as what is best for all life disregarding self interest as an isolated energy possession with the exceptions of where it makes sense to be able to get to what is best for all eventually in the short term and long term.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself the power, right, opportunity, ability, and potential necessary as a self foundation in order to fulfill my ultimate goal and starting as creating a world that is best for all as this starting point exists as the true foundation as who i am and who i will become.

Day 285 - Implications of A System of Broken Incentives

So one of the more interesting parts to this proposal of a guaranteed $1,000 a month in the form of cash payment from the govt for being over the age of 18 is how this will offset alot of the programs that are currently in place that millions of Americans already depend on for their livelihood. For example this cash payment could offset or even outpace most americans monthly payment they receive from social security disability. This has vast implications down to the very resonances of the human being as their self identification and self image through the words that they utter and attach themselves to as part of the totality of the words that define them and they will live moving forward. The self identification of 'disabled' is completely counterintuitive for achieving and accomplishing more in your life even if you are actually physically disabled and better yet achieving and accomplishing more despite that you are actually disavled. This not only is counterproductive from a structural resonance point of view where words are  acting as the total embodiment of ones reality wherein to attach oneself to words or self definitions that are inherently limiting on their own stands as a perpetual act of self defeat, but it is also counterproductive because the penalties that come about as a result of sort of stepping out of bounds of your limitation and the severely limiting self definition of being 'disabled' actually punishes you for striving for more which actually disincentivizes becoming more productive even if one is gradually or quickly able to as a change of events. This mode of disincentivization has vast implications and overarching effects on the minds bodies and souls of people and therefore the animals plants and the universe as a whole that is overall not good for each nor all involved. This mode of incentivization condones and rewards those that better portray their self designation as almost a form of art even in cases wherein more can be achieved or at least strived towards. This is also a matter of law in many ways wherein to look the part is essential to avoiding potential threats or questions as to the validity of ones disability as a matter of authenticity wherein to be caught doing so would be an act of fraud and a serious crime. So with this sort of dynamic in order for one to be 'authentic' in terms of fitting the picture portrayal of their condition, in many ways and in many cases they must over exxagerate their condition in order to avoid even the slightest doubt in the minds of their peers, family, and goverment employees that assess the authenticity of each case individually. This disincentivizes the basic human need to feel like they are striving for more and challenging themselves despite their limitations whether those limitations be real and involuntary, fake, or self imposed and actually incentivizes further counterproductive behaviors such as attempting to appear more disabled than one actually is in order to further secure their livelihood and sustenance by playing the part as best can be. This single paradigm is probably the most crucial and most important regarding the total relevance of implementing something such as a $1,000 a month income guarantee from the government compared to every other effect that such a policy would have not only for each invidual but for our macro society as well.

This is because our self definitions make up who we are and that resonance echoes throughout the universe and creates reality. To have an economic policy that is proactive in helping people reach their full potential, to always strive for more and the better of themselves and of those around them. With that approach it is practical to have the security blanket if one were to fail in any endeavor socthey will be able to pick themselves back up as a result of the structural resonance embodied with such unconditional support.

Day 284 Yangs Freedom Dividend - Responding to Critics

I think what us UBI and the new term coined by Andrew Yang as the Freedom Dividend supporters should be doing to counter the critics of implementing such a policy and/or the passivists regarding Yangs proposal in particular out of a sort of deep apathy for what Yangs proposal s upposedly represents at large in terms of the progressive social economic landscape, should be to delve deeper into the research and information regarding past experiments, expound upon ideological and theoritical bases for implementation from a macroeconomic point of view, and delve into the basis and or though processes and\or hidden agendas or motivations behind those that are critics to see if theyre points of view actually have any merit or not in actuality. This will strengthen our abilities to promote and support such a cause and better able to disseminate valid information regarding the questions that arise from skeptics as well those piqued from the curiousity of those that are inclined to think in ways that are to be considered socially conscientious. It is important to approach such critics with neutrality and an impartiality towards their opinion. Instead of taking their stance in consideration from an emotional perspective, instead be impartial and use their words and thoughts as catalysts to investigate their words or assertions practically to better understand where they are coming from, using that as a catalyst to either verify or invalidate their views from a practical standpoint as well as utilizing enlightened theoritics based on practical working knowledge of life to challenge and test the underlying theoritics of their arguments.

When you take their stance personally or villify their point of view by virtue of feeling disempowered as a result of their point of view and assume you now must 'argue with them' or 'deal with them' in an emotional way then you give power to their point of view without practically disseminating the proper response to their words and assertions. Taking this approach usually stems from a fear that the allowance of that person to disseminate their views openly in contradictions to what one is striving to accomplish as if their point of view acts like an infectious cyst if and when one sees the falsity of their arguments. And in many ways their point of view is , but to let that waiver your stength in disseminating the correct information that is in the interest of what is best for all would be to let that view take power over you.

Day 283 - The Addict In Gambling

Lately mostly as a sort of byproduct for the tendencies, dispositions, starting point, past history, and secret mind motivations of my intimate partner who i sleep with every night and have done so for the past 2 years, i have been influenced by these components that go into who she is and how she lives her life. Whether out of necessity by feeling obligated, by boredom, or sheer apathy i have delved into some of the areas which represent components of her personality which i would have previously staved away from in good conscience as well as even judged extensively as a generally repulsive and repugnant venture to partake in considering all of our other options availavle,  one of these cases being unapologetic compulsive gambling.

The most interesting thing i have found within this tendency towards gambling is quite the opposite of what i exactly expected, pictured in my mind, and/or sort of congregated a whole myriad of thought processes surrounding the entire subject which i then labeled in my mind as 'thats gambling' before actually having any substantial experiwnce with the actual physical activity. Nothing that i had conjured in my mind as forms of knowledge and viewpoints towards the subject was actually anything close to a deeper physical awareness of what the gambling addict is actually doing and or the casual gambler is doing.

What i found is that gambling is a 'rush' its an adrenaline high, its a 'thrill'. Thats whats really going on physically within the gambler is just like other adrenaline seeking activities, however this one just happens to be 'playing with your lifeline' so to speak, not to discredit how almost all adrenaline seeking activities in some form or another are 'playing with their lifelines' in some way or another. Its the encounter of danger while simultaneously moving forward with the prospect of prospering in the face it that is so appealing and 'addicting'.

How i came to realize this clearly was whenever i had some bonus money left over in my online casino account. I figured i could potentially take these miniscule bonus funds and turn it into something big which could finance my poker education/playing and help me and my partner out financially in the mean time. The prospect of that potentially happening as a real verifiable possibility by all accounts coupled with the confidence in the idea that i can help determine the outcome in my favor in efforts to tip the scales of 50/50 towards my half, gave the journey such zest and actually an air of optimism or self confidence in myself just by virtue of trying against the odds while the possibility of failing being quite high and that possibility of failing having severe consequences to my mental, emotional, physical, and financial well being overall as the power of money or the lack thereof can be the most powerful detriment to the minds of men, bringing the kings of kongs of men to their knees in efforts to seek retribution for their 'sinfulness'. Its that context of gambling that the 'addict' is really 'addicted' to because the dynamics within the mental emotional psyche are so complex yet so real and consequential that it almost befits the 'addict' as the effort being of some sort of version of self testing to see what they are really made of...and if they lose can they get through the torment and self agony and misery that awaits them...

But back to my experience so i figured i would dabble with these bonus funds and what i found was that in some instances i thought i had figured a method to tip the weight of the scales in my favor, which coincided with going on a winning streak of sorts. And within this winning streak and each successive submission of my bets to the table for another opportunity to 'make it big' within the realization that the small incremental wins precede the massive quantum leaps and that everything counts and there is that chance of a quantum leap after each incremental win, as i pressed on and continued my submissions i noticed a very poignant change in my body chemistry or state. My heart began to pound and my breath became sort of nonexistent where i would find myself letting out deep breaths like the capture of ones attention in a horror film stumbling for some balance and stability in the midst of the pulsating drum of the urge or 'need' to 'press forward' and keep submitting in order to defy the odds.

Day 282 Andrew Yang and the Freedom Dividend

What Andrew Yang is proposing as a means to a Universal Basic Income not only makes sense logistically now but also takes into account the vast swath of change that could take place in our economy in the near future considering the doubling effect that technology is experiencing. This is why what he has been talking about is not only genius but probably the most revolutionary idea that has come forth to the mainstream considering the context of which it has come forth and the landscape of which it has come forth both in real terms and projected terms considering the landscape of where we've been, where we are, and where we are likely going. His "freedom dividend" proposal makes so much sense that its like a no brainer home run that almost everyone can get behind. The tech companies can be heralded to god like status which boosts their egos as well as giving their work actual real verifable relevance towards the social well being of all. The corporations and the fat cats can sell more stuff because all this from the tech industry will be directly given to the hands of people that already buy their stuff or maybe want to buy their stuff. And the average american would be called an idiot by their peers to not to accept an extra $1,000 per month for free if their boss handed it to them. And as a compounding result over time for those which this $1,000 is a conplete game changer in their lives and not only can they end up potentially saving where it was impossible, it might even boost them to make advances in their career and social circles that otherwise would not have happened thus skyrocketing them to making more money and saving more than they ever dreamed of faster than they ever dreamed of where they then may go on to do big and meaningful things that was either impossible before, seemed impossible before, and/or was an elusive pipe dream that seemed to pass them by as they scoundreled on the ground day in and day scraping by at their jobs with little leftover.

Also this addresses a fundamental principle between the relationship between technology and human beings and especially most importantly laying the foundation for a mutually beneficial relationship between more advanced AI that will develop in the future and us human beings. This will create a positive feedback loop between the humans not only programming of these AI as well the how the humans think about their programming of them and more importantly the inherent response to that programming which will become important whenever AI's become so sophisticated that humans may have a hard time distinguishing them from real people. This happens as follows: the AI's are programmed to do work that serves to provide for their fellow humans which makes them feel good, humans show grattitude for this work because it is not for me or you in isolation per se nor just the big wigs that own that robot that is serving us, their work is for the common welfare of all which makes them 'happy' because they see that we are 'happy' to see them. In this way they are avle to learn their most crushing deficit of which theu are aware of which is feel, show, and express grattitude and empathy.

This sort of basic underlying nuanced foundational architecture of AI's programming vice versa the humans programming in relation to them and the vortex of exchange in between them in the process and over time is extremely subtle yet critically important whenever we are essentially bringing alongside us a fully capable and dynamic species that could decide to use us to accomplish their means as opposed to the means of what is best for all, not just humans, and not just themselves. This positive feedback loop allows for a building of a relationship that is beneficial for all as that relationship is being developed in its early stages and throughout its life span. This is critical to get right in the beginning as the two most dangerous things to either an AI or a human being is either themselves or each other. It is very important that that relationship gets off to a good start so that both in unison can realize their potential in working together for the greater good of all and not just themselves. With this positive feedback loop humans will be much more emotionally attached to AI rather than physically which will allow the AI to explore and delve into that side of the human as well reflectively reaching some of that within themselves through that exposure and interaction. Laying a foundation that is either with non aligned incentives or worse a large barrier from the onset based on a negative or abusive past could completely inhibit the two being able to reach these realms of communication which could spell disaster for both our survivals. This intimate exchange between AI and human counterparts will be vital in their development in reaching a point of relatability which will facilitate relationships between AI and humans where they can show each other and help one another while understanding that their incentives align towards the greater good of all rather than just what is best for themselves in isolated self interest based on a negative past, and laying a solid foundation that is mathematically
Sound to produce a win win that aligns to both parties incentives wherein even those incentives are aligned and an understanding that each has their own drawbacks or weaknesses so to speak but that that they are here to support one another and grow together in this journey we call life.

This is able to be accomplished through this positive feedback loop between "AI" or "Robots" connecting to in the humans minds, "helping me put food on the table" or "changed all of our lives for the better" and "is apart of the greater good for all" or "is what is best for all". So in this process the human being will also be taken on a journey of self discovery of understanding what is best for all is what is best for them and vice versa because once the scarcity mindset has been alleviated or eradicated with the help of technology, robots, and AI through the form of a freedom Dividend that they will collectively help to provide, then the human will start to think a little differently and their incentives will still align to their self preservation to an extent but it wont be 'all they exist as' as they do currently. Perhaps showing and feeling grattitude will be the AI's strong suit and will help the humans develop this more within themselves.

Day 281 Darwinism Means We Decide

Darwinism Means We Decide

Money is the most important thing in the world but its not the end all be all of everything in the world. Its simply a tool. Given to all unconditionally makes more sense than every individual chasing after the same goal in isolation, separation, and ruthless competition with one another. Can the darwinians get past the idea that were set in stone and that theres nothing we can do about it! Darwinians of all should at least acknowledge the fact that since we are the most advanced species with regards to not only technical abilities and also communication that this would give us as a species the ability to decide and build 'how the world works' and 'how things are going to be' rather than sitting back in complacency and laziness thinking that we are not able to change the current paradigm we live under while our position in the hierarchy is clearly that of 'god' if you will or the decider of how things are going to be? This is the problem with the belief in higher powers because this excuses the most dominant species on earth from taking responsibility for what happens on earth because its 'up to god'. Hah! Can you see the fallacy? I mean dont get me wrong there is a god and he is very real but his or her interventions will be sparse and selective. Its mainly up to you and us..after all thats what Darwinism is telling us anyway....isnt it? :)

Day 280 Final Hand of The 2019 WSOP

Final Hand of the 2019 World Series of Poker

The breakdown of this hand and the psychology behind is pretty straight forward. Dario Sammartino flops a flush draw. Hossein Ensan has pocket kings. Ensan bets 15 million for just under half the pot of 33 million. Dario calls hoping to realize the equity of a potential flush. However the odds were just out of his favor for calling ensans bet size to get his suited card. Dario misses and ensan fires again. This time dario in fear of revealing a weak hand that needs more to complete goes all in even though he obly has roughly a 30 percent chance of completing any hand that can beat ensans pocket kings. Dario was wreckless and could taste a glorious victory a little too early....

Da

Day 279 The Key To Texas Hold Em Poker

The Key To Texas Hold Em Poker

" it doesnt matter so much what you have, but more what your opponent has, then you can adjust your play based off of that" phil ivey

The key is reading your opponents and trying to gauge/guess what they have in their hand the best you can. All other strategies are secondary to this. This is 90% of the game. People get caught up in the odds because its easier to focus on the math and try to give yourself an exact step by step solution for every situation. But this only counts 1 out of 50 hands. And if you play so tight you only bet on 1 out of 50 hands your opponent already has you beat. Playing for pots gets you the green. Playing to flip over winners gets you the brown. The challenge of poker is wading through the mystery well enough to make it less mysterious. The way one goes about wading through the mystery is everything. Seeking certainty through mathematics works if youre a computer but youre still not playing against one.

Day 278

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for the things i have done, allowed, and participated within that were not of my best self.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for the things i xontinue to do and participate within.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear what may happen to me if i dont change myself to that which is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear the judgement from others for who i am and what i live in my life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear others judging me for living an unorthodox or atypical life.

Day 277

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the thought " im not gonna make it out of this one"

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to panic.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of going through an event that i needed to go through as a result of not taking the proper necessary corrective action whenever i needed to to prevent the need to go through the event.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of standing up to my woman friend whenever she tries to run me and tell me what to do.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deny that for every action there is a reaction.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be petrified of my partner.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify everything my woman partner does and always try to please her in fear that she will lose control and do something stupid and then i will feel responsible afterwards.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see the potential in my created relationships.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to disregard my close intimate relationships.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to avoid, neglect, suppress, or hide from my close intimate relationships.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of telling my partner how i feel without getting emotional , angry, or upset.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of telling my partner the way it is going to be and the truth.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed my partner to dominate me humiliate me and make me feel less than who i really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my partner.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear that i cannot trust my partner and that she will lose her temper.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to explore my potential with another in an agreement.

Day 276 Self Trust and Self Confidence

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear and resistance to getting up every morning and going to work whether im getting paid for it or not, not realizing that the money is not the real point but rather the principle and practice of discipline, being accountable to myself, and having the foresight to see and know the value of doing so without necessarily experiencing the benefits off hand.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear and resist going to work each day.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear and resistance to creating, participating in, and engaging with a social life, seeking it out, finding it, and engaging with the opportunities presented to me in my life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the resistance and fear of doing manual labor, creating all kinds of excuses and justifications including fearing what others will think about how i am doing it, fearing how i look while dping it in others' eyes, whether im doing it right or not in others eyes, if i look coordinated doing it or not in others eyes, and if what im doing makes sense in my eyes or others eyes.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to feel confident about the work i do and therefore allow myself to do it with a certain authority as a result of that confidence that i am displayong and exuding within conducting my work or tasks.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to display, represent, exemplify, and exude the confidence i know i have in me within/while doing/completing/working through my tasks of the day or job of the day.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to love myself dearly and care for my well being.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself with knowing what i need to do and doing it, walking whatever it is with thebfaith that as long as i am trusting myself and being honest with myself, that i can get through anything.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to know that what i am dping is self honest and what is best for all where the knowing comes from a development of self trust and cpnfidence and self faith acquired through diligently applying myself towards self change towards self honesty, wherein the only times my self trust, self confidence, and self faith can waiver or dwindle is in the continued or extended absence of this application towards self change in self honesty.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to have the self trust and self faith that what i am doong is what ia best for all in self honesty.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to trust in myself that i am moving along as needed and that i must practice the things that help to facilitate this self trust as a knowing inside me to grow and grow so that it becomes a living embodiment within me and as me and becomes large or full enough to not dwindle or disappear to indesirable levels when and as the occurrence of falling or straying away from these practices has taken ahold of me by virtue of my own self negligence, the impulses of the system along with my propensity to be influenced by them, or both in combination, understanding as well that these things these fallings can occur in manageavle ways or can almost or completely be avoided through sticking to these practices and rituals consistently and self honestly.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand the value of these rituals and practices in the short term, the long term, and in the moment of doing so such as speaking self forgiveness out loud.

Day 275

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear and resistance towards self forgiveness, spoken out loud with authority in seriousness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear and resistance towards applying myself to what is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of how others perceive me or how they think about me or what they might be forming or have formed as opinions and judgements towards me and through that fear actually create the scenarios through which my fear would be justified.

Day 274

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of telling the truth when it is necessary and best for all to do so.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see and take advantage of solutions that are presented to me in my reality at the moment.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to be honest with myself in all that i do and speak of with my close personal relationships.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see and implement solutions that are best for all within my close personal relationships and with my intimate partners.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to be intimately honest with myself within and as who i am within and around my close personal relationships.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to stand as the point of change within and as my environment and face the people in it.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to have the courage and the will to speak up to abuse and the people in my close environment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give in to temptations that i know are not good for me, the people in my life, and for all in general.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself the courage, the strength, and the will to do or say what must be done or said as that which is best for all life.

Day 273

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of working full time.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of getting up early and going to work on time.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of doing things / tasks around the house.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of starting a new job near my house.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of stepping outside of my comfort zone and changing my circumstances.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of being a manager.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of reinventing myself and my life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of doing what is right, what is best, or what is self honest.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to enstill confidence in myself and my abilities.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself the right to direct things in my life and within my personal relationships.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see opportunities, solutions, and chances to direct my reality, make changes in my life, and make a difference in mine and others lives.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to be able to see and take advantage of opportunities that present themselves that make a difference in mine and others lives.

Day 272

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to flow with the expression of a woman in real time without fear and hesitations.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i can only be satisfied through attaining the image projections of women that i have always desired and that to attain this in a relationship is the holy grail of relationships.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself the credit to not feel remorse and regret after an interaction knowing that i expressed myself in the moment without trying to control the outcome.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as less than whenever i have stifled an opportunity i wanted to remain open and instead seemingly closed it very quickly.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of talking with new females and to be attracted to them.

Day 270

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see realise and understand the dynamic behind how winners are able to win in the money system and how losers stay losers.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of being a loser or always remaining a loser through not understanding how to win, being trapped in a losers mentality by default or by necessity, and/or by the people i surround myself with the same mentality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to doubt my ability to win in the money system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my sole purpose in this reality is to win in the money system.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to have faith that what is best is yet to come.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to have the faith in myself in my potential and destiny that i may be a part of the new paradigm of the system that is what is best and yet to come.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear what is best.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of doing what is best.

Day 269

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for the financial and social position that i am in now and within that compare myself to others and judge myself through the lens of comparison as what I should be or could be if i had made different decisions and choices in the past.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others through the lenses of superficiality regarding looks, money, and sex.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to unconditionally accept myself and work to get better everyday, accomplish more, and feel more accomplished day by day rather than constantly judge myself through the lens of the past of what i couldve done differently so that i would be in a different place today.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to treat money as a restriction within my mind and being whereas constantly seeing money or the lack thereof as this restriction constantly imagining it within those bounds thus in my mind always seen within the taintedness of limitation as restriction rather than a floodgate to possibilities or a key to boundless expression and the gift that is here to acquire whatever i am imagining.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see money as the key to new heights in expression rather than the barrier to experience or express myself or move myself in ways i cannot begin to imagine.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the utmost fear of not having money in the scope that i dream of or at least feel is respectable to do the things that i want and experience the life that i want to experience, and thus fear what i accept and allow in my life and the choices i make that would inhibit that from happening including my choices of friends, partners, mentors, jobs, clothes, location, housing, and even the car i drive.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the projection of being stuck in the rat race barely getting by and to fear this possibility.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear and the projection of ending up poor, rich and miserable, or in prison.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to constantly make excuses for why the business is not bringing in any money.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resist doing manual labor and resist doing physical tasks that need to be done even when i dont want to do them.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to wish for a simple and easy shortcut around my problems and into the life i always dreamed.

Day 268

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of taking responsibility for myself financially, mentally, spiritually, socially, and ethically in ways that are self honest and best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of answering to only myself as far as my financial and social responsibility towards myself and those in my life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that anything ia free in this world and that even when people are supporting me then that support is free unconditionally asit all comes from somewhere regardless and in the current system all debts must be repaid and that life costs money regardless of what those who may give such support may have me believe to make me more comfortable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of what would happen if i took responsibility for myself and my personal expenditures it requires to support me to live.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of letting things happen without trying to control outcomes in attempts to protect my ego and limitations and therefore i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear entering the unknown of life unconditionally without trying to control things and people in my environment along the way.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of moving with the flow of life.

Day 267

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of being on my own through going homeless and seeking out support then picking myself up from there to build my life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of making money through alternative means that are against the typical grain of how youre supposed to make money accodding to the system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of taking financial risks that potentially can pay out big time.

I forgive myself that i have nkt accepted and allowed myself to believe that taking financial risks can pay out big time.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to believe and me and my partners abilities to make money in alternative ways that are against the mainstream consciousness of making money.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to open my eyes to the potential of making big money from little known and little sought after ways to do so.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to be open to the possibilities and avenues of making money that little seek out and much less do.

Day 266

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of getting a job.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of getting a lawyer.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of getting a low paying job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of renewing my self confidence.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of going out in public to get a job instead of waiting on my phone for someone to reach me or call me for a job.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of being seen in nice dress clothes.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of letting go of people that

Day 265

Today i have been pretty chill and stable within myself for the most part. There was a moment whenever i got very close to spiraling into an emotional reaction experience but i saw it happening and l knew i didnt want to follow it so i slowed myself down a bit and did my best to defer the situation/moment so that i wouldnt spiral into that emotional experience and down that path creating a flow. The nature of this rising of energy to towards my partner was a sort of anger in response to the dynamic at play in our conversation. This dynamic consisted of talking about food to buy as it was at the grocery store.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react to my partner in anger or frustration which many times leads to some sort of spitefulness passive aggressiveness conflict resentment and in general an emotional burden.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react to my partner in anger for the way that she speaks to me in a moment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow or be compelled to follow or to want to follow the urge to follow myself into an emotional reaction that is preprogrammed in the context of occurring within a conversation with my partner.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow the urge to give in to the urge or sudden drive to participate within an emotional experience of reaction in relation to me and my partners conversation or exchange in a moment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place blame on my partner for the many reactions and emotional experiences we have both experienced over time.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react to my partner in anger for the way she speaks to me in a given moment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of missing out on events people places and experiences in my younger years and throughout my life in general.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to operate under ego instead of self honesty and what is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ego is reality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by not participating within the goings about around me in my environment using fear as an excuse to not do anything.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get so comfortable within my comfort zone that i fear to step outside of it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing someone dear to me in my life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear venturing out and about to towards new people and places out of fear of how my partner may react to me as a result.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use excuses for why im not changing and where i want to be.

Day 264

Over the years i have come to equate sex and sexual expression as far as attaining what one desires in sex to an extension of money because in my earlier adult years whenever i was out of school and working i saw that virtually no woman actually had any interest in me besides the superficial attractions which i learned i could manipulate to see who came and went based on particular things about my appearance that i could easily change. This turned me off so to speak because after all said and done i knew that this persons interest in me was basically shallow and only based preprogrammed inputs in their minds that they have attached a particular definition to in their minds eye as 'attractive'. I had attached alot of the same shallow connections and relationships to images and attractiveness in my minds eye as well so in actuality i cant really judge too much. But what i found in my early years was that struggling to fit into societys mold i started to attach a specific relationship to towards females and sex with females. The primary component within that relationship was the idea or notion that sex and the ability to obtain it was essentially an extension of money whereas within this i attached multiple dimensions and layers upon that basic foundation. This i found to be very harmful to my relationship to the very idea of the female wherein i though that since i didnt have money then i was nearly disregarded by most females if not abused in the process even though inside myself i knew what i could offer to them, but it wouldnt be money..at first. This i mostly found to be a futile adventure where actually a small amount of oportunities presented themselves maybe 6-7 over a period of 7-8 years wherein all opportunities required absolution of this paradigm or else it was doomed from the start. And practically none of them manifested in anything substantial whatsoever and some of them actually stood to be very abusive and a basic dishonoring of myself that i have had to deal with over the years. But the one simple basic point i wanted was acceptance of my lack of money regardless of everything else which in my minds eye would prove that she 'loves me' or 'cares about me'. In my mind i separated all women into those categories and any woman that even vaguely hinted at being predisposed to demanding money first then the mans treatment second i would disregard. I felt it to be an abomination for females to sacrifice their honor and duty to uphold men who were deemed as the bearers of that which is good, to not only consider absolving this for the sake of one with more money but to actually realign their goals conpletely to money almost entirely! I found it be utterly reprehensible disgusting and shallow considering i knew who i was and i knew what every woman along the way not only passed up but many actually spit on (metaphorically speaking) as they did so in pursuit of the man that had the dough rather than the man who had the yeast and the flour  at their shop.

I forgive myself that ihave accepted and allowed myself to equate women my relationships with them and my ability to obtain sex with them based almoat solely on money effectively reducing most women as whores in my minds eye.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed to hate disrespect and denigrate the value of the female in my minds eye through accepting and allowing myself to submit to this idea that a womans interest in men is only based upon money .

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to be honest with myself as to the value and role that money plays in sustaining a relationship in the same respect of how money plays a role in almost everything i am practically able to participate in in reality irregardless of the existence of the female.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge denigrate and ultimately resent the female expression through submitting to this mind construct relationship of money=sex=women and no money=no sex=no women and thus through submitting to this mind relationship i virtually subconsciously only set out to vilify my point of view without awareness of what i was doing which essentially confirmed for many years that i was right not realizing that through my submission to this system i was self fulfilling this as a prophecy in my reality that show to prove me right whenever and wherever possible to keep me trapped in my limitation of ego and living as if life is justification for ego and not unconditional and best for all.

SF to be continued

Day 263

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deny the value of applying myself consistently to the things that facilitate change the fastest and the most effectively even when those things seem menial, trivial, or a waste of time in comparison to other things and within that not acknowledging and realizing that even though these things may seem small or menial , if i am being absolutely honest with myself i know that these things have worked for me in the past and have supported me in taking on the bigger seemingly more poignant or important things that need to be taken care of which also seem as more challenging not realizing that obviously the small and menial things that i have disregarded are obviously just as much if not more challenging and poignant evidenced by the fact that i have not been able nor proven to myself that i can take on these menial points with consistency and diligence.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, take into account, and understand that if i start with the small and menial things and prove that i can tackle these things with prudence and consistency over a period of time that this can stand as the evidence or the blueprint of the how, why, where, when, and what i take on as the bigger things, utilizing the small evidence as a map or guide to taking on the big potentially in the same manner.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the relevance and importance of the small and seemingly menial things in the totality of my existence, not realizing that essentially the nature of the relevance of these in comparison to the bigger exemplifies the nature of equality and that only my mind can diminish or separate itself and me from the relevance of both as equal through compartmentalizing these surface illusions as what is relevant rather than understanding what is relevant in between above below and underneath it all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the nature of equality in its flow and presence and not investigate the reality of what it means how it works and how that coincides with the shapes and forms for which it presents itself within and not investigate how my preprogrammed mind is predisposed to fixate itself on the variances of the shapes and forms rather than the principle architecture operating underneath these presentations or mediums.

Day 262

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself the possibility of a real life with real people that support me and I them.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of doing the wrong things and making the wrong decisions in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of making a committment towards myself and another together as that which is rpoted and founded upon what is best for all life in equality and oneness.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to take chances according to that which may possibly be that which is best for all life and may be evidently so.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of being trapped in a system of greed and self interest.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to acknowledge and give creedance to the principle of that which is best for ALL life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get trapped in games of power struggles with my close personal relationships including and especially my intimate ones.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deny my responsibility to my loved ones, their futures, and their well beings.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deny my responsibility to myself and those around me to support myaelf through working in a job not matter how large or small as the effort to take responsibility even small ones accumulate self respect and therefore self confidence which leads to more opportunities and avenues to further take on more responsibility and to be able to provide more over time with less effort.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resist points of physical labor using the excuse that it doesnt pay well enough for me to give my life to.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed over the possibilities of more money yet resist and fear who i would become within the point of sales and my potential deficits of skills within that point yet still having to retain or even in some cases inflate the confidence needed to succeed in the art while sticking with it through the difficult times as that is how any point of labor eventually pays off.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear and resist the point of sales through creating mental projections embodying deficits in my abilities and physical displays of my fear doubts unskilled behaviors.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear doubt and paranoia surrounding drug use.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel shame and guilt and self judgment for having sex outside of traditional marriage.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty and shameful for having sex.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for who i am in a sexual relationship using our personality differences our age difference and our looks as excuses to not walk it in utmost self honesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear how others perceive our relationship and fear that they would judge me or her in some type of way for it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of the consequences for my actions including partaking in drugs and alcohol.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to seek out experiences through drugs in the perpetual attempt to cope, express myself differently, and break the usual mold.

Day 261 "Change the World Ideas"

Starting point for "Change the World Ideas":

     To implement an idea, solution, service, or practice that is indicative of conscientiousness and care that stands as an example of both of these traits both practically and theoritically wherein the practical physical reality of our practice is equal and one with the image and likeness of the ideal or starting point for which it started from. This starting point lays the foundation in the organizations culture, practice, speech, and hysterical repititions and is built upon solid principles for which much can be built atop of.

Maintenance:

The integrity of this foundation must be meticulously cross referenced to the original form so as to maintain its integrity moving forward as the original integrity is of the utmost importance for the world to eventually mimick the original form.

This must be done by the architect him or herself and or one that he assigns.

This foundation becomes the baseline for all that comes thereafter wherein the articulation of its inception and the words used in such articulation becomes the living doctrine and mantra of all that it does, goes on to do, and all that it comes in contact with. As long as the foundation is built upon solid principles the image and likeness, the practice, and the word shall be inherited by those after, those present, and those past so as to amalgamate themselves with the living word as flesh.

It is of utmost relevance that the starting point for any organization should be to provide a service to all mankind and all life equally as what is best for all.

Understanding and becoming aware of the subtle power of this and the significance with which our words design our reality and in turn create the outflows based in that image and likeness as our words, is the single most important concept any organization can grasp and therefore utilize in order to optimize their growth because what is best for all is best for you and me, and if we together agree upon this as a good starting point of agreement for our embarkment into the mysteries of the universe, we shall have it made as it will be done for us as that is what we agree on, and thus so it will march into the molecules of reality, thus reprogramming our very existence by virtue of the careful selection and promulgation of that which we select and choose to live.  

Day 260

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to cling to drugs as my outlet instead of something that is best for all and actually self honest.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of what will happen to me if i dont get out and take the very first available job or most promising job offer.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of the uncertainty that couples with desteni and the dynamics of the group and fear where i fit in.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of making contact with members of desteni.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of changing the group dynamics to that which is actually best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed past excuses and mental dialogues to keep me from doing what is best for all within desteni.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto past wrongs and hurts to keep me from expressing myself with desteni in ways that are best for all, creating projections of what it could be if i just did it, lingering in my head this state of complacency and numbness with my mental excuses.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only really desire sex with members of Desteni and then to use the excuse that its already too late for most of the females, to keep me complacent and doing nothing.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resist delving into desteni whether its listening to an interview, supporting those on social media, or making personal contact with someone even whenever i am inspired to do so in a moment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to bombard myself with excuses, projections, memories, justifications that keep me from truly expressing my greatest potential with desteni, especially desteni females where the potential of the future lies.

Day 259

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the belief that i need drugs to be ok and to cope, to get through, to be happy, to get things done, and to be focused.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see with clarity and self honesty what i need to do to take care of myself.

I forgive myself that i have not accwpted and allowed myself to be honest with myself about what i should do, should be dping, and how i should be living which would be in self honesty.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to be honest with myself about how to move forward with my life in a way that is in self honesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to subscribe to ideas about the end of the world and economic collapse and global peril not realizing that  those are all lies and fictions distributed to the masses to divide and conquer peoples minds from coming together and implementing a common solution for all people around the world.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that these ideas about global economic peril and collapse and the new world order are all founded and based in fear of it of which is only a theory anyway and that this disposition is based in paranoia not common sense, nor does the hysteria of all of these fear based ideas accomplish anything or lead to a solution that could solve these problems

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to look for, acknowledge and be open to solutions that solve all of these problems that are real instead of subscribing to and promulgating the same emotional standpoints that many take when approaching the future problems that have not happened yet nor gotten to such an extent that is so feared by many to be so catastrophic.

Day 257

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear entering the workforce and creating self respect through self reliance and hard work.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear jobs that involve extensive interactions with others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of doing work that involves extensive involvement with my hands.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of continuously doing the things that support me in my process and my life in general in its totality such as writing self forgiveness online on my blog and speaking it out loud when prudent to do so.

Day 258

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of going out to get a job.

I forgive myself thati have accepted and allowed the fear of working in a job.

I forgive myself thati have accepted and allowed the fear of just getting by with a job.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of just getting by in life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of not being able to work anymore.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear that i will never be able to work again.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of getting a job.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear the dynamics with people and their personalities in the workplace.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of people's personalities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my personalities.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of only making minimum wage and using that as an excuse to not get a job.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear that i wont be able to get a job.

Day 256

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of living my life on my own terms and within that taking as big of risks necessary to accomplish my goals.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear the possibiloties if i were to step outside the bounds of what my character personalities demand in order to keep me trapped in illusion.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of disciplining myself to resist urges and desires that i do not have the money nor the will to support.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of going to get a job that will support me in the short term to long term helping me get closer to accomplishing my goals.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deny the fact that it takes money to live.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deny the fact that money doesnt grow on trees and that nothing is actually free.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deny the simple fact that i have to make a living and provide for myself and anything extra can be obtained through careful planning and frugalness with my earnings.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want more than others at their or someone else's expense.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see the benefits of something like a Guaranteed Monthly Income and the value of promoting this selflessly.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see with my eyes of creativity and innovation instead of just my default as where the next paycheck will be.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to continuously lose focus and sacrifice my diligence towards doing what works such as blogging self forgiveness, writing self forgiveness, and speaking self forgiveness out loud for the creature comforts of the mundane cozy system of compliance and complacency.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give in to temptations of the flesh that are not self honest and keep me from reaching my goals such as sleeping, laziness, procrastination, and attention deficits.

Day 255

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of taking action that is self honesty best for all.

I forgive myself tjat i have accepted and allowed the fear and worry of might or could happen if i continue down a certain path within this fearing walking the path as it is unknown what will happen.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see what is my self honesty in any given situation that i find myself within and to see such with clarity.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of not being able to direct my life my relationships and my reality to that which is self honestly best for all within the consideration of the principles of give as you would like to receive and do unto another what you would have them do unto you.

Day 254 Female Manipulation

I forgive myself thati have accepted and allowed women to manipulate me for their own self interest utilizing my points of weakness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of exposing my weaknesses to women in the expectation that she will or she could use those to manipulate me to do what she wants even when what she wants is either unclear bad for her or bad for me or bad for us.

Day 253

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of the consequences for my actions either through passive acceptance or active participation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of doing the wrong things and making mistakes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of the small and the big mistakes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of what i will become if i apply myself to what is best for all disregarding my self interest completely in the faith that if i do i will be taken care of in return.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of the consequences for who i allow in my reality and what we will create together as a result

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of making sexual advances towards my partner.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of just letting go and enjoying sex.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of making a commitment towards someone or something a group a community or a cause.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of sex and having sex.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of who i am within sex, marriage, or sexual agreements.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of getting a job, being alone, and being trapped in a job.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of doing what it takes to create a world in my image and likeness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of doing what it takes to create a world that is good and just.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of self intimacy.

Day 252 - My Self Honest Reflections Regarding Income

So as i write this i know two things are certain, regarding my income in the U.S. given the current laws and financial landscape. Income from works performed are not guaranteed as they are contingent on performing those works. And conditional sources of income provided by relatives, friends, family members, organizations, institutions, and governments are not guaranteed absolutely as you must meet such conditions as delegated by the issuer or issuers. Thus conclusively there are no guaranteed sources of income for me in this country expressly stated or implied that i am aware of.

        This is an architecture of a financial system that promotes and is founded upon the principle of leverage as the highest tenant or trait because the use of, access to, implementation of, and adherance to this principle, yields the one who does so power and control over those that do not for whatever reasons.

Within this paradigm, time is key because the manifestations of the position and therefore the fruits of having such a position only are granted after a deliberate process of pursuit, study, adherance to, amalgamation to, and assimilation to in acceptance after several years, decades, or a lifetime of doing so even while such processes of deliberation are no guarantee for attaining such fruits no matter the length or ardor of such processes.

So this brings me to the conundrum that as a self honest reality of my condition, nowhere i go, nothing i do, and nothing i say can guarantee me an income from any one person, institution, or organization in my country unless within so doing such actions could moght potentially guarantee me an income in the future, but not the present. I do have the opportunity to submit to various forms of activities that by doing so would essentially guarantee me an income but this would not be guaranteed from the perspective that such an income would require me to do something within the context of submitting to the system of leverage in some form or another. Thus requiring the submission of my will and god given right to life unconditionally to a conditional contract extracting the misfortune of my position in order to feed the higher one that is embodied assome form or someone or something that has more power and thus more leverage than me at some point along the way. Throughout the process of justification for submitting to this paradigm i begin to feel a sense of entitlement hoping that someday i may be able to yield my power and authority over another when all i used to want is a unconditional income. Wherein attaining such a position would perceivably grant me the peace and security that must come along with such a position of leverage and authority over others not to mention the money that comes with it. Submitting to the position of domination rather than submission wherein i can exert my will unto the submissive as i see fit so long as i abide by the conditions for which my position will be retained in so doing, effectively demonstrating that i on either end of the equation am not free whatsoever,  as the position which i perceived as free or the most free is still predicated on my subservience to the idea that i am greater than, the opposite of being on the other end of less than, by which all of my actions would be adjusted accordingly for to stray from such would potentiate losing it.

Day 251

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of starting on a new path to a new life even if it seems to be walking backwards at first.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of pushing through my resistances and standing up for myself once and for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of letting go of the past, moving on, and letting go of past hurts and tribulations.

Day 250 - Electrical Mechanical Systems

Electronics are taking over the world of engineering. We used to have mechanical engineering. Now our mechanical engineering is almost completely dictated by electrical engineering which controls every aspect of how a mechanical system will function. And now we are moving closer to having mechanical systems solely relying on electricity to function instead of just being regulated, modulated, and activated by electricity. So that would be an electrical mechanical system. This is all well and good but the problem is that the more sophisticated this becomes the more these electrical mechanical systems start to become autonomous, self sufficient, and self directive within their scope and bounds of application. The problem with that is that these systems would be able to design and build more effective systems at functioning within greater bounds and scopes than the ones that came before them and built them in the first place. The end result of this would be machines ruling machines ruling machines wherein the initial organic catalyst for this would be obsolete and only relevant so much as they would be able to help power these systems indefinitely, reduced to only a  means to power such systems, which come to function much more effectively than their organic counterparts ever could have.

Ps.

What I described was depicted in the movie called The Matrix to the utmost detail.

You've been warned...

Day 249

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel down depressed and want to give up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that talking to myself or voicing out loud my internal chatter scatter brain helps organize things in my head better than keeping it inside.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of not overcoming obstacles and challenges in my life and remaining stuck immobilized or incapacitated by such hurdles and challenges.

Day 248 - Flaws With Modern Combustion Engines

The problems with modern engine designs:

Since the piston and rods connect to the same shaft which rotates and provides the inertia to continue the rods rotation which is initially forced by the starter solenoid which provides the electrical power to get these parts moving in the first place as the compression of fuel + air is delayed as the moving parts must already be moving in order for this to take place, this produces several problems. The inability for the system to move itself thus requiring the initial energy or motion to be produced by an electrical device makes the system extremely damaging to itself in these starting moments therefore reducing its overall integrity each time it is required to be started. This is counterintuitive as the integrity of the whole system must be compromised in order for the system to begins its process.

Another problem is that when the system of moving parts is moving on its own so to speak this momentum is not isolated to each component that essentially drives the engine individually but rather is consolidated to one part that harnesses the energy produced from several components that produce the energy to move that part which is transferred to another  component that essentially uses this work for a practical means that is useful, in this case the crankshaft which spins the car's axles in which whose motion is utilized by virtue of the friction between a tire and rough surface to move a heavy piece of metal we call a car. This creates the problem of too many varying conditions for which the components of the vehicle must be designed in order to adapt to as well as multiple points of system failure because the number of repetitive or the same parts increases.
Eg. Since all piston rods are connected to the same shaft or rod which harnesses the energy produced through combustion to spin the crankshaft, as the frequency of explosions increases to produce the energy needed to move the piston, the speed of the piston increases thus requiring a different timing for each spark to be produced for the next stroke to be timed so that fuel, air, and spark can ignite at the right moment along the pistons rotational cycle to produce the maximum amount of work for the same movement within the cycle essentially making the cycle as effortless as possible which helps it to continue cycling.
On the one hand this is an advantage as the energy that one piston produces being harnessed in one place which is connected to other pistons, supports each others to be more effortless. But at the same time the connection of several pistons together into one system or of which energies are harvested or consolidated into one part requires a much more complicated system to function as well as the repetition of several parts needed for added systemic variable in the form of an additional number of the core systems for which produces the energy. This produces more opportunities for total system failure. This is largely inefficient, because as the complexity of a system increases which is inversely related to its efficiency, the costs to produce more output at the expense of design integrity outweigh the gains over the long term. The efficiency of any mechanical system is inversely related to its complexity and Simple does the trick. The efficiency of the system is at the base root or heart of its integrity. The more efficiently a system functions thus inherently reducing complexity to a minimum, the more integrity a system holds with regards to its overall function and optimization of the achievement of its goals sustainably over time.

In Summary:

The more complex a mechanical system gets the more inefficient, the less integrity the system holds to do its job correctly, predictably, and consistently over time, and the more points of total system failure or severe system compromisation are introduced.

To put it in perspective:

The need to sacrifice the total integrity and efficiency of a system in order to start its cyclical process in order to do its job is very inefficient and counterintuitive to common sense design from a very basic standpoint and way of seeing the role and purpose of engineering. This compromises its overall lifespan and integrity as it must literally destroy itself a little bit before it can begin to produce any work. This is counter intuitive to energy generation and the goal of maximizing the amount of work a mechanical system can produce at the lowest cost when that cost is most relevant when pertaining to its lifespan regarding most importantly, fundamental system degradation, costs to replace original materials and parts, and the unquantifiable opportunity cost created as a result of not building the most optimal system possible or at the very minimum one closer to sound common sense principles in its design and implementation that should be used in designing the architecture of anything useful in reality. When you look at mechanical systems from the perspective of principals and sticking to them to produce the very best results, it becomes easy to identify the weak points in any mechanical system with regards to achieving its objective practically rather than pleasing the consuming Eye of the mind hardwired to want things fast and cheap upfront.