Day 265

Today i have been pretty chill and stable within myself for the most part. There was a moment whenever i got very close to spiraling into an emotional reaction experience but i saw it happening and l knew i didnt want to follow it so i slowed myself down a bit and did my best to defer the situation/moment so that i wouldnt spiral into that emotional experience and down that path creating a flow. The nature of this rising of energy to towards my partner was a sort of anger in response to the dynamic at play in our conversation. This dynamic consisted of talking about food to buy as it was at the grocery store.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react to my partner in anger or frustration which many times leads to some sort of spitefulness passive aggressiveness conflict resentment and in general an emotional burden.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react to my partner in anger for the way that she speaks to me in a moment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow or be compelled to follow or to want to follow the urge to follow myself into an emotional reaction that is preprogrammed in the context of occurring within a conversation with my partner.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow the urge to give in to the urge or sudden drive to participate within an emotional experience of reaction in relation to me and my partners conversation or exchange in a moment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place blame on my partner for the many reactions and emotional experiences we have both experienced over time.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react to my partner in anger for the way she speaks to me in a given moment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of missing out on events people places and experiences in my younger years and throughout my life in general.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to operate under ego instead of self honesty and what is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ego is reality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by not participating within the goings about around me in my environment using fear as an excuse to not do anything.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get so comfortable within my comfort zone that i fear to step outside of it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing someone dear to me in my life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear venturing out and about to towards new people and places out of fear of how my partner may react to me as a result.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use excuses for why im not changing and where i want to be.