Day 269

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for the financial and social position that i am in now and within that compare myself to others and judge myself through the lens of comparison as what I should be or could be if i had made different decisions and choices in the past.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others through the lenses of superficiality regarding looks, money, and sex.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to unconditionally accept myself and work to get better everyday, accomplish more, and feel more accomplished day by day rather than constantly judge myself through the lens of the past of what i couldve done differently so that i would be in a different place today.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to treat money as a restriction within my mind and being whereas constantly seeing money or the lack thereof as this restriction constantly imagining it within those bounds thus in my mind always seen within the taintedness of limitation as restriction rather than a floodgate to possibilities or a key to boundless expression and the gift that is here to acquire whatever i am imagining.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see money as the key to new heights in expression rather than the barrier to experience or express myself or move myself in ways i cannot begin to imagine.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the utmost fear of not having money in the scope that i dream of or at least feel is respectable to do the things that i want and experience the life that i want to experience, and thus fear what i accept and allow in my life and the choices i make that would inhibit that from happening including my choices of friends, partners, mentors, jobs, clothes, location, housing, and even the car i drive.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the projection of being stuck in the rat race barely getting by and to fear this possibility.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear and the projection of ending up poor, rich and miserable, or in prison.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to constantly make excuses for why the business is not bringing in any money.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resist doing manual labor and resist doing physical tasks that need to be done even when i dont want to do them.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to wish for a simple and easy shortcut around my problems and into the life i always dreamed.

Day 268

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of taking responsibility for myself financially, mentally, spiritually, socially, and ethically in ways that are self honest and best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of answering to only myself as far as my financial and social responsibility towards myself and those in my life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that anything ia free in this world and that even when people are supporting me then that support is free unconditionally asit all comes from somewhere regardless and in the current system all debts must be repaid and that life costs money regardless of what those who may give such support may have me believe to make me more comfortable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of what would happen if i took responsibility for myself and my personal expenditures it requires to support me to live.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of letting things happen without trying to control outcomes in attempts to protect my ego and limitations and therefore i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear entering the unknown of life unconditionally without trying to control things and people in my environment along the way.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of moving with the flow of life.

Day 267

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of being on my own through going homeless and seeking out support then picking myself up from there to build my life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of making money through alternative means that are against the typical grain of how youre supposed to make money accodding to the system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of taking financial risks that potentially can pay out big time.

I forgive myself that i have nkt accepted and allowed myself to believe that taking financial risks can pay out big time.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to believe and me and my partners abilities to make money in alternative ways that are against the mainstream consciousness of making money.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to open my eyes to the potential of making big money from little known and little sought after ways to do so.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to be open to the possibilities and avenues of making money that little seek out and much less do.

Day 266

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of getting a job.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of getting a lawyer.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of getting a low paying job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of renewing my self confidence.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of going out in public to get a job instead of waiting on my phone for someone to reach me or call me for a job.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of being seen in nice dress clothes.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of letting go of people that

Day 265

Today i have been pretty chill and stable within myself for the most part. There was a moment whenever i got very close to spiraling into an emotional reaction experience but i saw it happening and l knew i didnt want to follow it so i slowed myself down a bit and did my best to defer the situation/moment so that i wouldnt spiral into that emotional experience and down that path creating a flow. The nature of this rising of energy to towards my partner was a sort of anger in response to the dynamic at play in our conversation. This dynamic consisted of talking about food to buy as it was at the grocery store.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react to my partner in anger or frustration which many times leads to some sort of spitefulness passive aggressiveness conflict resentment and in general an emotional burden.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react to my partner in anger for the way that she speaks to me in a moment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow or be compelled to follow or to want to follow the urge to follow myself into an emotional reaction that is preprogrammed in the context of occurring within a conversation with my partner.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow the urge to give in to the urge or sudden drive to participate within an emotional experience of reaction in relation to me and my partners conversation or exchange in a moment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place blame on my partner for the many reactions and emotional experiences we have both experienced over time.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react to my partner in anger for the way she speaks to me in a given moment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of missing out on events people places and experiences in my younger years and throughout my life in general.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to operate under ego instead of self honesty and what is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ego is reality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by not participating within the goings about around me in my environment using fear as an excuse to not do anything.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get so comfortable within my comfort zone that i fear to step outside of it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing someone dear to me in my life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear venturing out and about to towards new people and places out of fear of how my partner may react to me as a result.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use excuses for why im not changing and where i want to be.

Day 264

Over the years i have come to equate sex and sexual expression as far as attaining what one desires in sex to an extension of money because in my earlier adult years whenever i was out of school and working i saw that virtually no woman actually had any interest in me besides the superficial attractions which i learned i could manipulate to see who came and went based on particular things about my appearance that i could easily change. This turned me off so to speak because after all said and done i knew that this persons interest in me was basically shallow and only based preprogrammed inputs in their minds that they have attached a particular definition to in their minds eye as 'attractive'. I had attached alot of the same shallow connections and relationships to images and attractiveness in my minds eye as well so in actuality i cant really judge too much. But what i found in my early years was that struggling to fit into societys mold i started to attach a specific relationship to towards females and sex with females. The primary component within that relationship was the idea or notion that sex and the ability to obtain it was essentially an extension of money whereas within this i attached multiple dimensions and layers upon that basic foundation. This i found to be very harmful to my relationship to the very idea of the female wherein i though that since i didnt have money then i was nearly disregarded by most females if not abused in the process even though inside myself i knew what i could offer to them, but it wouldnt be money..at first. This i mostly found to be a futile adventure where actually a small amount of oportunities presented themselves maybe 6-7 over a period of 7-8 years wherein all opportunities required absolution of this paradigm or else it was doomed from the start. And practically none of them manifested in anything substantial whatsoever and some of them actually stood to be very abusive and a basic dishonoring of myself that i have had to deal with over the years. But the one simple basic point i wanted was acceptance of my lack of money regardless of everything else which in my minds eye would prove that she 'loves me' or 'cares about me'. In my mind i separated all women into those categories and any woman that even vaguely hinted at being predisposed to demanding money first then the mans treatment second i would disregard. I felt it to be an abomination for females to sacrifice their honor and duty to uphold men who were deemed as the bearers of that which is good, to not only consider absolving this for the sake of one with more money but to actually realign their goals conpletely to money almost entirely! I found it be utterly reprehensible disgusting and shallow considering i knew who i was and i knew what every woman along the way not only passed up but many actually spit on (metaphorically speaking) as they did so in pursuit of the man that had the dough rather than the man who had the yeast and the flour  at their shop.

I forgive myself that ihave accepted and allowed myself to equate women my relationships with them and my ability to obtain sex with them based almoat solely on money effectively reducing most women as whores in my minds eye.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed to hate disrespect and denigrate the value of the female in my minds eye through accepting and allowing myself to submit to this idea that a womans interest in men is only based upon money .

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to be honest with myself as to the value and role that money plays in sustaining a relationship in the same respect of how money plays a role in almost everything i am practically able to participate in in reality irregardless of the existence of the female.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge denigrate and ultimately resent the female expression through submitting to this mind construct relationship of money=sex=women and no money=no sex=no women and thus through submitting to this mind relationship i virtually subconsciously only set out to vilify my point of view without awareness of what i was doing which essentially confirmed for many years that i was right not realizing that through my submission to this system i was self fulfilling this as a prophecy in my reality that show to prove me right whenever and wherever possible to keep me trapped in my limitation of ego and living as if life is justification for ego and not unconditional and best for all.

SF to be continued

Day 263

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deny the value of applying myself consistently to the things that facilitate change the fastest and the most effectively even when those things seem menial, trivial, or a waste of time in comparison to other things and within that not acknowledging and realizing that even though these things may seem small or menial , if i am being absolutely honest with myself i know that these things have worked for me in the past and have supported me in taking on the bigger seemingly more poignant or important things that need to be taken care of which also seem as more challenging not realizing that obviously the small and menial things that i have disregarded are obviously just as much if not more challenging and poignant evidenced by the fact that i have not been able nor proven to myself that i can take on these menial points with consistency and diligence.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, take into account, and understand that if i start with the small and menial things and prove that i can tackle these things with prudence and consistency over a period of time that this can stand as the evidence or the blueprint of the how, why, where, when, and what i take on as the bigger things, utilizing the small evidence as a map or guide to taking on the big potentially in the same manner.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the relevance and importance of the small and seemingly menial things in the totality of my existence, not realizing that essentially the nature of the relevance of these in comparison to the bigger exemplifies the nature of equality and that only my mind can diminish or separate itself and me from the relevance of both as equal through compartmentalizing these surface illusions as what is relevant rather than understanding what is relevant in between above below and underneath it all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the nature of equality in its flow and presence and not investigate the reality of what it means how it works and how that coincides with the shapes and forms for which it presents itself within and not investigate how my preprogrammed mind is predisposed to fixate itself on the variances of the shapes and forms rather than the principle architecture operating underneath these presentations or mediums.

Day 262

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself the possibility of a real life with real people that support me and I them.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of doing the wrong things and making the wrong decisions in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of making a committment towards myself and another together as that which is rpoted and founded upon what is best for all life in equality and oneness.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to take chances according to that which may possibly be that which is best for all life and may be evidently so.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of being trapped in a system of greed and self interest.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to acknowledge and give creedance to the principle of that which is best for ALL life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get trapped in games of power struggles with my close personal relationships including and especially my intimate ones.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deny my responsibility to my loved ones, their futures, and their well beings.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deny my responsibility to myself and those around me to support myaelf through working in a job not matter how large or small as the effort to take responsibility even small ones accumulate self respect and therefore self confidence which leads to more opportunities and avenues to further take on more responsibility and to be able to provide more over time with less effort.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resist points of physical labor using the excuse that it doesnt pay well enough for me to give my life to.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed over the possibilities of more money yet resist and fear who i would become within the point of sales and my potential deficits of skills within that point yet still having to retain or even in some cases inflate the confidence needed to succeed in the art while sticking with it through the difficult times as that is how any point of labor eventually pays off.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear and resist the point of sales through creating mental projections embodying deficits in my abilities and physical displays of my fear doubts unskilled behaviors.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear doubt and paranoia surrounding drug use.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel shame and guilt and self judgment for having sex outside of traditional marriage.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty and shameful for having sex.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for who i am in a sexual relationship using our personality differences our age difference and our looks as excuses to not walk it in utmost self honesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear how others perceive our relationship and fear that they would judge me or her in some type of way for it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of the consequences for my actions including partaking in drugs and alcohol.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to seek out experiences through drugs in the perpetual attempt to cope, express myself differently, and break the usual mold.

Day 261 "Change the World Ideas"

Starting point for "Change the World Ideas":

     To implement an idea, solution, service, or practice that is indicative of conscientiousness and care that stands as an example of both of these traits both practically and theoritically wherein the practical physical reality of our practice is equal and one with the image and likeness of the ideal or starting point for which it started from. This starting point lays the foundation in the organizations culture, practice, speech, and hysterical repititions and is built upon solid principles for which much can be built atop of.

Maintenance:

The integrity of this foundation must be meticulously cross referenced to the original form so as to maintain its integrity moving forward as the original integrity is of the utmost importance for the world to eventually mimick the original form.

This must be done by the architect him or herself and or one that he assigns.

This foundation becomes the baseline for all that comes thereafter wherein the articulation of its inception and the words used in such articulation becomes the living doctrine and mantra of all that it does, goes on to do, and all that it comes in contact with. As long as the foundation is built upon solid principles the image and likeness, the practice, and the word shall be inherited by those after, those present, and those past so as to amalgamate themselves with the living word as flesh.

It is of utmost relevance that the starting point for any organization should be to provide a service to all mankind and all life equally as what is best for all.

Understanding and becoming aware of the subtle power of this and the significance with which our words design our reality and in turn create the outflows based in that image and likeness as our words, is the single most important concept any organization can grasp and therefore utilize in order to optimize their growth because what is best for all is best for you and me, and if we together agree upon this as a good starting point of agreement for our embarkment into the mysteries of the universe, we shall have it made as it will be done for us as that is what we agree on, and thus so it will march into the molecules of reality, thus reprogramming our very existence by virtue of the careful selection and promulgation of that which we select and choose to live.  

Day 260

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to cling to drugs as my outlet instead of something that is best for all and actually self honest.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of what will happen to me if i dont get out and take the very first available job or most promising job offer.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of the uncertainty that couples with desteni and the dynamics of the group and fear where i fit in.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of making contact with members of desteni.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of changing the group dynamics to that which is actually best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed past excuses and mental dialogues to keep me from doing what is best for all within desteni.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto past wrongs and hurts to keep me from expressing myself with desteni in ways that are best for all, creating projections of what it could be if i just did it, lingering in my head this state of complacency and numbness with my mental excuses.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only really desire sex with members of Desteni and then to use the excuse that its already too late for most of the females, to keep me complacent and doing nothing.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resist delving into desteni whether its listening to an interview, supporting those on social media, or making personal contact with someone even whenever i am inspired to do so in a moment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to bombard myself with excuses, projections, memories, justifications that keep me from truly expressing my greatest potential with desteni, especially desteni females where the potential of the future lies.

Day 259

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the belief that i need drugs to be ok and to cope, to get through, to be happy, to get things done, and to be focused.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see with clarity and self honesty what i need to do to take care of myself.

I forgive myself that i have not accwpted and allowed myself to be honest with myself about what i should do, should be dping, and how i should be living which would be in self honesty.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to be honest with myself about how to move forward with my life in a way that is in self honesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to subscribe to ideas about the end of the world and economic collapse and global peril not realizing that  those are all lies and fictions distributed to the masses to divide and conquer peoples minds from coming together and implementing a common solution for all people around the world.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that these ideas about global economic peril and collapse and the new world order are all founded and based in fear of it of which is only a theory anyway and that this disposition is based in paranoia not common sense, nor does the hysteria of all of these fear based ideas accomplish anything or lead to a solution that could solve these problems

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to look for, acknowledge and be open to solutions that solve all of these problems that are real instead of subscribing to and promulgating the same emotional standpoints that many take when approaching the future problems that have not happened yet nor gotten to such an extent that is so feared by many to be so catastrophic.

Day 257

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear entering the workforce and creating self respect through self reliance and hard work.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear jobs that involve extensive interactions with others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of doing work that involves extensive involvement with my hands.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of continuously doing the things that support me in my process and my life in general in its totality such as writing self forgiveness online on my blog and speaking it out loud when prudent to do so.

Day 258

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of going out to get a job.

I forgive myself thati have accepted and allowed the fear of working in a job.

I forgive myself thati have accepted and allowed the fear of just getting by with a job.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of just getting by in life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of not being able to work anymore.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear that i will never be able to work again.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of getting a job.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear the dynamics with people and their personalities in the workplace.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of people's personalities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my personalities.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of only making minimum wage and using that as an excuse to not get a job.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear that i wont be able to get a job.

Day 256

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of living my life on my own terms and within that taking as big of risks necessary to accomplish my goals.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear the possibiloties if i were to step outside the bounds of what my character personalities demand in order to keep me trapped in illusion.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of disciplining myself to resist urges and desires that i do not have the money nor the will to support.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of going to get a job that will support me in the short term to long term helping me get closer to accomplishing my goals.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deny the fact that it takes money to live.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deny the fact that money doesnt grow on trees and that nothing is actually free.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deny the simple fact that i have to make a living and provide for myself and anything extra can be obtained through careful planning and frugalness with my earnings.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want more than others at their or someone else's expense.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see the benefits of something like a Guaranteed Monthly Income and the value of promoting this selflessly.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see with my eyes of creativity and innovation instead of just my default as where the next paycheck will be.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to continuously lose focus and sacrifice my diligence towards doing what works such as blogging self forgiveness, writing self forgiveness, and speaking self forgiveness out loud for the creature comforts of the mundane cozy system of compliance and complacency.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give in to temptations of the flesh that are not self honest and keep me from reaching my goals such as sleeping, laziness, procrastination, and attention deficits.

Day 255

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of taking action that is self honesty best for all.

I forgive myself tjat i have accepted and allowed the fear and worry of might or could happen if i continue down a certain path within this fearing walking the path as it is unknown what will happen.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see what is my self honesty in any given situation that i find myself within and to see such with clarity.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of not being able to direct my life my relationships and my reality to that which is self honestly best for all within the consideration of the principles of give as you would like to receive and do unto another what you would have them do unto you.

Day 254 Female Manipulation

I forgive myself thati have accepted and allowed women to manipulate me for their own self interest utilizing my points of weakness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of exposing my weaknesses to women in the expectation that she will or she could use those to manipulate me to do what she wants even when what she wants is either unclear bad for her or bad for me or bad for us.

Day 253

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of the consequences for my actions either through passive acceptance or active participation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of doing the wrong things and making mistakes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of the small and the big mistakes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of what i will become if i apply myself to what is best for all disregarding my self interest completely in the faith that if i do i will be taken care of in return.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of the consequences for who i allow in my reality and what we will create together as a result

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of making sexual advances towards my partner.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of just letting go and enjoying sex.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of making a commitment towards someone or something a group a community or a cause.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of sex and having sex.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of who i am within sex, marriage, or sexual agreements.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of getting a job, being alone, and being trapped in a job.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of doing what it takes to create a world in my image and likeness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of doing what it takes to create a world that is good and just.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of self intimacy.

Day 252 - My Self Honest Reflections Regarding Income

So as i write this i know two things are certain, regarding my income in the U.S. given the current laws and financial landscape. Income from works performed are not guaranteed as they are contingent on performing those works. And conditional sources of income provided by relatives, friends, family members, organizations, institutions, and governments are not guaranteed absolutely as you must meet such conditions as delegated by the issuer or issuers. Thus conclusively there are no guaranteed sources of income for me in this country expressly stated or implied that i am aware of.

        This is an architecture of a financial system that promotes and is founded upon the principle of leverage as the highest tenant or trait because the use of, access to, implementation of, and adherance to this principle, yields the one who does so power and control over those that do not for whatever reasons.

Within this paradigm, time is key because the manifestations of the position and therefore the fruits of having such a position only are granted after a deliberate process of pursuit, study, adherance to, amalgamation to, and assimilation to in acceptance after several years, decades, or a lifetime of doing so even while such processes of deliberation are no guarantee for attaining such fruits no matter the length or ardor of such processes.

So this brings me to the conundrum that as a self honest reality of my condition, nowhere i go, nothing i do, and nothing i say can guarantee me an income from any one person, institution, or organization in my country unless within so doing such actions could moght potentially guarantee me an income in the future, but not the present. I do have the opportunity to submit to various forms of activities that by doing so would essentially guarantee me an income but this would not be guaranteed from the perspective that such an income would require me to do something within the context of submitting to the system of leverage in some form or another. Thus requiring the submission of my will and god given right to life unconditionally to a conditional contract extracting the misfortune of my position in order to feed the higher one that is embodied assome form or someone or something that has more power and thus more leverage than me at some point along the way. Throughout the process of justification for submitting to this paradigm i begin to feel a sense of entitlement hoping that someday i may be able to yield my power and authority over another when all i used to want is a unconditional income. Wherein attaining such a position would perceivably grant me the peace and security that must come along with such a position of leverage and authority over others not to mention the money that comes with it. Submitting to the position of domination rather than submission wherein i can exert my will unto the submissive as i see fit so long as i abide by the conditions for which my position will be retained in so doing, effectively demonstrating that i on either end of the equation am not free whatsoever,  as the position which i perceived as free or the most free is still predicated on my subservience to the idea that i am greater than, the opposite of being on the other end of less than, by which all of my actions would be adjusted accordingly for to stray from such would potentiate losing it.