Day 225

Been sleeping alot the past few days. Don't like this time of year very much. Ready to go back to work and running the business. Feeling pretty empty right now. Feeling lost, confused, lonely, apathetic, and worried too. Feels like I'm losing sight and direction of my purpose a bit. The only things that help are writing, forgiveness, and posting those.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ruled by emotional experiences and mental states instead of becoming the director of my life in what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of the mind, the system, and the fear that my acceptance and allowance or another's acceptance and allowance or another's fate will become mine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that my partner's fate will become mine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of the system orchestrating demon possessions and me into demon possession.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that I will not be whole without a physical partner in my life.

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed the fear that Lisa will never be what I want her to be and will never give up her past as that which keeps her from really discovering her potential and future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the idea and belief that using drugs accomplishes anything substantial in reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that I am not good enough for life, for Lisa, or for any other woman.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that Lisa is holding me back and abusing me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that life is terrible and I have no say in it or in my destiny or future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that I must put up with abuse because it is ok and that its better to put up with abuse because of the belief that I am not good enough and that if I don't I will have no one - and that no one else wants me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that it is ok to tolerate abuse even when the evidence in a moment is clear that it is unacceptable - and that the continuance of that abuse is unacceptable entirely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the idea and acceptance of co-dependence between two people as an ok thing, healthy, or acceptable especially when abuse is present and ongoing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the acceptance of abuse from my partner disregarding the fact that it is unacceptable completely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the abuse of co-dependence not realizing that this is unacceptable nor what is best for two people in any relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and alowed the feelings and experiences of emptiness, loneliness, and isolation whenever I am alone which constantly impulses me to fill that experience by being with someone or something even whenever that may lead to abuse or acceptance of things that compromise me through 'fitting in'.

Day 224 Decentralized Financial Ledgers To Implement Basic or Living Incomes

As I've been doing alot of research inside the cryptocurrency space of the internet it seems as thought the blockchain could be a significant force within allowing the populations of the world that are unbanked and essentially de-centralized already to have access to the funds needed to support themselves and have at least a basic dignified existence.

This could be a family in sub-saharan Africa that does not have the money for basic sanitation, food, and clean drinking water. But with the generous gift of components of technology suchas a computer or a smartphone, they could all of a sudden have the ability to receive and send payments through the various blockchain ledgers seamlessly without things such as a bank account or identification card. As long as merchants and their peers recognize and accept the same form of payments then the various forms of institutionalization are no longer keeping them from having the basic things that they need to live - whether its because they are too weak or hungry to walk 10, 20, 30 miles to go and get an identification card to open a bank account or there are literally no ways to make enough money in their local currency on any sustainable basis month in and month out.

Ultimately the various or even a single blockchain ledger that can move seamlessly between people and banks could facillitate the implementation of a Living Income or Basic Income in various parts of the world that need it the most. Which then could exist as a model for the rest of the world showing two things simultaneously - the usefulness of the blockchain in a single use case - and the efficacy of an idea such as Living Income and what it produces in a local economy. A ledger that could be inherently designed for such a task could be developed to implement this and as long as this particular ledger's underlying asset could be transferred into local currency fairly easily - so that merchants would take it as form of payment - We would have an extremely viable and important use case for crypto and blockchain ledgers.

Day 223 - Crytpocurrency and The Rise of Bitcoin

The crytpocurrency market and the rise of Bitcoin has come as a result of a growing distrust and declining confidence in the markets of fiat currency as a form of value transfer. This was originally the inspiration behind its creation as well as the practical need for a more efficient means for transferring value between and across markets with ease that one would expect in our day in age considering all of the other technological advances and breakthroughs we have made as a whole.

The rise of crytpocurrencies and the problems it will solve have been likened to how the internet solved the problem of information transfer. Now as a result of innovation with the internet protocol space companies like Google and Yahoo have streamlined information transfer through connecting single words to an entire database of information regarding those words and have sorted the results according to efficacy and relevance. The same can be done to currency where the transfer of value through currency can be tranaferred anywhere and to anybody in the entire world in seconds wherein sending payment for something becomes as easy and simple as sending an email - all you need is an address and that person can have instant access to that money. The problem right now within the crytpocurrency space is liquidity which is essentially once you send that payment to someone how easy and how fast can they turn around and use that for something that they physically need. This is also an issue of existing infrastructures and values that everyday consumers hold onto when it comes to " what is payment - what is money - how do I pay - where is the money".

For the past 10 years the transfers of money have been more and more amalgamated with the technologies existent within this world. For example the push for people to start using their phones through things like android pay and apple payment to pay for goods and services have been in the works for years. This is pretty much the starting point for people to start thinking about payment from a purely digital perspective wherein no longer do you need physical cash or even a physical debit card to make payment - but you need a digital bank account accompanied with a digital wallet that can be transferred to a digital ledger (a merchants bank account) in order to exchange the physical value that is sought. This is essentially the process of evolution with regards to the transfer of value wherein the process is equal to the capabilites of our technology.

The reason the crytpocurrency market space has been slow to develop is because of existing outdated infrastructures with regards to money. This is also dependent on the users willingness and ability to comprehend and use something entirely new and different from what they've always known. Thus the infrastructure needed to make the transition into a more digital space with regards to money transfer has been slow to develop not only because of the cost to transition for an entire ledger but also because most people would not understand how it works what you did and why you did it in the first place - but most of all human stubbornness does not like change especially when it comes to the processes for which they distribute their lifeline - and especially whenever they do not understand those processes.

Day 222

Today has been pretty relaxing. Had intercourse several times early in the day and then went to sleep for a few hours which was nice to just relax and not worry about anything for the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of losing my focus or direction for my placement within the system in order to facilitate effective change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of abdicating my responsibility to myself as equal to the world system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of abdicating my responsibility to life as myself through the acceptance and allowance of limitation through another or my own. 

Day 221

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form a disrespect for the laws of this country as a result for seeing many of them as 'unjust' and 'corrupt' not realizing that disobeying the laws and disrespecting the laws regardless of the injustice of them - abdicates my responsibility and any power I possess in order to change them to just.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have the right and even the responsibility to disobey unjust laws.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is my perogative to disobey and break laws that I see as unjust within the justification that it is best for all not realizing that what would be best for all would be to work to change the laws into what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that it is my responsibility to obey the law - as this is a form of self-respect - and that for one that desires the laws be changed to that which is best for all - he/she has to take the responsibility to work towards changing them - instead of waiting for some savior in the sky to swoop down and change everything - or even wait for others that see the same injustices to do what needs to be done.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to doubt my abilities and my capacity to take responsibility for my life - this world and this reality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify why the laws are the way that they are - abdicating any responsibility personally for the existence of such laws - not realizing that doing nothing - only is a form of acceptance of this injustice - thus confirming to myself that this is the way it should be implied tacitly through making no efforts toward changing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the excuses of fears, emotional tantrums, moments of instability to be the foundation point for not taking responsibility for even a single point within my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of change and fear of the unknown as justification for why I have not taken action and responsbility towards creating a sustainable, free, and stable financial future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must accept the most atrocious evil by default as a result of financial circumstances in my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that it is my responsibility to create the financial future I need moving forward - and as well within this to allow my lack of financial freedom and stability to impede me from taking necessary actions and steps with regards to what is best for all within my immediate relationships.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that it is my responsiblity and my duty to not allow evil to reign by default as a result of financial circumstance - thus is my duty to move myself to make money within the bounds of the law - to have the power and directive authority to not allow such evil to embody me as a result of accepting and allowing it through participation and association with those with no awareness of their evil nor any intention for practically removing it - and changing themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to invest myself, my time, my energy, and my life into people that do not actually want to change - nor when showed the way exhibit any authority of integration with what is being showed in a way that shows real action and effort towards changing.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am the real leader of any group that I am part of and any relationships that I participate within because of my continuous application and dedication towards real change through applying the most powerfully effective tools known to man in the efforts towards 'know thyself'. 

Day 220 - "Smoke and Gun for Trump-Russian Collusion Snowstorms in Smoke and Gun for Fake News"

Glenn Greenwald "The U.S. Media Suffered Its Most Humiliating Debacle In Ages And Refuses All Transparency Over What Happened"

Interesting how this whole dynamic of the Media's reporting and the question of its basic authenticity is now being exposed BY THEMSELVES as not authentic whatsoever- as a result of their complete desperation to oust Trump, his administration, and basically the threat that he poses to the establishment that has been running this country for such a long time going on for decades since the assassination of President John F. Kennedy. And the one thing the U.S. Media does NOT want is that which is the only thing that would validate that authenticity in any significant way - and that is actual accountability. And the reason they do not want actual accountability is because they have played the role of propaganda arm for special interests for such a long time - ever since the assasination of President John F. Kennedy Jr. was president - who was the only President in the 20th century to significantly challenge establishment agendas in any significant way - namely openly and actively speaking to the American people directly about such agendas and means of obfuscation and corruption. As Trump has been doing since his public declaration of running for president and during time in office. 

Day 219 - Separation of Church and State

Important to understand that the separation of Church and State is truly the most evil thing that people could do unto themselves as the Law of Equality as God is not reflected in the Law of Man - yet Man is Bound to the Law of God - regardless - and as such Man is LOST in his own demons and inherent Evil as the LAW of MAN implies that He is NOT BOUND to the LAW of GOD and EQUALITY - and that is all he will ever be bound to for REAL - therefore it is NOT SO in REALITY. 

Day 218 - Laws and Money Part 2

So in this world we operate under a paradigm and that paradigm exists within a system of exchanging energy or what we call money - and that energy that we call money is an energetic representation of consciousness - and that consciousness is a part of a design - and that design is the representation of what human beings exist within and as consciousness - as that which they have collectively accepted and allowed as the image and likeness of themselves and therefore how all relationships within the collective will form and play out. This design and the outflows of it are largely based on what the collective have placed value upon through generations of acceptance and allowance.

Since the design of human consciousness and the exchange of that which human consciousness has placed value is transferred as energy through a money system - the design of this particular system creates a foundation for the transfer of value throughout the collective - this value reflecting what the collective have placed their faith and trust over generations. Thus since the starting point for the exchange of all value - as that is the 'currency' of consciousness - value - 'as that which we place value in' as a 'belief system' or 'belief structure' - as this 'currency' flows through the veins of consciousness like blood as that which fuels and upholds the current accepted and allowed manifested design as human consciousness represented through the placement and upholding of a particular 'value system' - is the basis for all human manifested designs as acceptance and allowance as that which upholds the 'current system' of 'currency' - the design of this system of exchange and the values that it actually represent in its design - is that which will be impulsed throughout human consciousness as that which will be accepted and allowed as the very nature of how 'consciousness' and the 'value system' is 'upheld' - as the design of this system will impulse the acceptance and allowance of all outflows of such design in every facet within consciousness - thus the importance of that which is placed value upon within the systematic design of such an exchange system - is of the utmost importance in the determination of 'what will become the collective value system through impulsed acceptance and allowance' and/or 'what will become the collective structural resonance' of consciousness as that which will form and create all relationships in that image - thus as well what are all the possible outflows of this particular design within the values or ideals it is based upon - as the outflows of this design will be taken to its utmost in manifested examples of 'what this creates' because that will be the cross reference for creation to understand the 'value' and 'relevance' within the nature of this design 'as that which we want to continue or not'.

Thus currency and the design of this system of exchange is the key to designing the structural resonance of the human as that which the human will be impulsed - inundated - and ultimately specifically designed or pre-programmed to accept and allow - thus creating themselves and all others in that image and likeness - obviously within that - the quality or actual value within that acceptance and allowance will determine the quality of all relationships within - and all outcomes of those relationships in every way conceivable.

Day 217 - Procrastination

Today whenever I went to the church to pick up bread I was on my way home and as I was driving away I had a thought to go and check out the workforce and gov't assistance services they provide at the food bank from which I had just left. Within this I noticed that it wasn't a 'bad' thing to do nor a 'waste of time' but however considering that fact I realized that I had a certain pre-disposition towards doing it - and that pre-disposition was to slough it off, make excuses for not going eg. "waste of time" - "i can do the same thing at home" "I just left - too late"- and within this sort of disposition that came up automatically after a very innocent thought about going to do something that was not going to be harmful or bad in any way - I realized that this entire paradigm was a form of resistance, lazyness, and excuse. The primary emotion involved was actually fear - and in one quantum leap of a moment the idea came up, a reaction to that idea came up, and that reaction being filled with the emotion of fear - I immediately saw all of this arising in a singular instance - where this pre-programmed disposition as to 'how I would proceed in response to this thought' - manifested in an actual physical tenseness that proceeded with a form of 'jerking' reaction that was sort of this automated program as to 'how I would behave and move in a particular moment similar to this' - within that the 'jerk' reaction almost overtaking my physical body completely, if I allowed it and followed it out of fear- where as the 'jerk' reaction would be to immediately follow this 'automation' within the starting point of fear, lazyness, and procrastination - and the charge of that emotional body holding a 'fervency' that in all practicality was 'unwarranted'. Within this quantum moment of all this arising in a singular instance within a span of about 3-4 seconds - I flagged this immediately as 'automation' and 'preprogrammed' - and within that 'pre-programming' most importantly a form of resistance - which signaled it was something that I actually NEEDED to do rather than how in the moment my pre-programming was labeling it as 'highly optional' veiled with fear as justification for following the 'knee jerk' reaction - based in lazyness, procrastination, and fear.

What was so interesting about this whole paradigm in that moment was how seemingly 'strong' this program was as far as how poignant this possession was considering the nature of the whole context -ie. a seemingly trivial decision - turned into a complete possession of 'no no no don't do that' followed by 'excuse, justification, fear etc'. Within this the full nature and context of the 'relevance' of this particular instance of a pattern was not exactly 'obvious' on the surface considering the 'low impact' of such a decision - yet within the nature of how strong my reaction was to it in leaning a certain way even though the decision was seemingly 'low impact'  - the relevance revealed itself within the intensity of such reaction - thus quantifying it as actually the BIGGEST point ever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into and accept the essence of procrastination by way of lazyness to direct me instead of me taking charge of me and my life and directing me within taking self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed lazyness and procrastination to become a part of me through excuses/justification.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the excuses and justification that because others are procrastinating through making excuses for why they have procrastinated that it is acceptable for me to do as well, not realizing that I have to face the consequence of this personally and that because another is allowing it doesn't shield me from that consequence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of not making enough money to be to pay my rent, my credit card bills, my insurance, and my car payment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear and resistance of making money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny and/or block out of my mind any and all possibilities for making extra income through multiple means instead of relying solely on one avenue or frame of mind with regards to making money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist making money through the means that I am aware of and had success with in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my life collapsing through stupid or careless spending on things that do not matter at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the seemingly trivial moments of a pattern of behaving and acting that is based in excuse, justification, fear, and a fervent conviction as if 'my free choice is greater' in such moments than the practicality of what life dictates is needed irregardless of the seemingly 'trivial' nature such decisions and moments hold as seen through the lens of the mind not realizing that the points the mind trivializes and accompanies with fervent convictions for a certain way backed by emotional possession are actually the mountainous points within my mind and actually the furthest away from the most trivial.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to slough off the seemingly 'small' moments of pre-programmed reactions manifesting in relation to a particular onset or motion arising within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trivialize reactions and emotional possessions of energy within my mind based on a perceptual surface judgment of the nature of said reactions and the context of how said reactions arose and thus the nature of who I am or another is within participating within such reactions as if some points within the mind are less than others - thus

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the points within my own mind as if I am higher or greater than the mind thus in a position to judge which are which in severity or relevance thus not realizing that to stand equal to the mind implies there is no lesser or greater in the total equation thus to judge the points within the mind in a hierarchial fashion would be to separate myself from it defeating the whole point in equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 

Day 216

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of socializing at parties without feeling the pressure or need to drink or do drugs in order to 'fit in'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of being perceived or seen as weird or socially awkward.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of being an outcast or a misfit in various social hierarchies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that people judge me negatively for things I do and participate in such as shaving my head daily.
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the idea that I am superior to others because of the way I do things and my lvel of knowledge and intellect and vocabulary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of standing up for myself withing giving clear and concise answers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that people judge me negatively for things I participate within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that I am incapable of existing within a 'normal' social network of people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the idea that I am superior to others because of the way that I do things, my level of knowledge, intellect and my vocabulary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of standing up for myself within giving clear concise anwers as to what I want and what I will accept and allowe and what not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear I am no good.

I forgive myself that I 

Day 215

So right now in this moment in my life I am sort of in this very interesting situation that has manifested as a result of following various dimensions of fear coupled with resistance - and that is that over the years I have sort of proven to myself and especially in the past 2 years - that I can have an impact on people - and that my application of writing, self-forgiveness, and even my rituals such as shaving my head - practicing that diligence, consistency, and within the rituals acting as reminders and symbols of my dedication to my life, my practice, my purpose, and my awareness that I can live and be so much more - and that its been the consistency of practice - and discipline to direct myself to the best - and application within the starting point of taking self-responsibility for myself, my world, my experience, my creation, and even the people in my life that are showing me parts of myself that needs correction

Yet lately there seems to be a disconnect - and that has come primarily through the participation in a relationship - where within its dominion I have allowed myself to compromise my application - out of fear of what the other will do say or think - as I have allowed myself to subject myself to emotional abuse through various means in order to maintain the connection - and that connection initially starting as an unconditional sharing, giving, and receiving relationship - the strengths being the ability to communicate with one another without judgment, fear, or worry and the ability to maintain physicality in the face of issues and dilemmas mostly emotionally charged ones. There are a myriad of dimensions to this relationship - but unhappiness on both sides - and lots of emotionally charged conflict - these conflicts stemming from a myriad of points that should be discussed and seen if they can be resolved - some of these points if not most of them - stem from a level of compromise on both's parts in order to be together in the attempt to explore new territory and new ground with another - especially in the case where initially you both feel like you have a good connection and foundation primarily through physicality - and through that both are expressing one another's gratitude for one another. I'm trying to figure out and map out what is going on with this and what is the best thing moving forward for both of us. And while contemplating this wondering if the thoughts and feelings I am having that are moving toward disconnect - or hinting at a big issue - are actually valid or just pre-programmed versions or ways of 'getting out' 'escaping' or 'giving up on us'. All the while the moments of abuse are very real and very traumatic in the moment. This emotional abuse stemming from one's unhappiness within the agreement. AHA initially this was an agreement and that agreement was to 'be with each other, support each other, and grow together into a forest of life" - but yet along the way it started to become abusive where one is attempting to gain power over another - and essentially tell the other what to do - and not so much in a directive way but more in a belittling way which is abuse.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resent my partner for all the times she has reacted to me and lashed out at me in anger, contempt, and utter frustration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realize and understand the need to establish a clear starting point for our relationship that is based in self-honesty - rather than reasons of systems of the mind or for reasons that suit systems of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself accountable to another in inferiority or superiority as if that person is my master.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner for how I feel, how I experience myself, and how my life is going with others as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner and her fear as the reason my relationships other than her are the way they are - and within that only the relationships primarily based in fear or out of fear - are the ones that are being upheld.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the fate of another becomes my fate if they wait to forgive themselves - within that submitting to the ideas of the system - which disregard self-forgiveness - dis-regard self-change - and promote self-interest as the only respectable way of living. 

Day 214

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of drunk people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of caring for my neighbors.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of showing care and concern for people through practical action moments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of showing care and concern for people in my life and around me.

Day 213 - Laws and Money

It seems as though the main problems that constitute the accumulative degeneration and debilitation of all human relationships are that which are centrally focused around money - and all of the fears, emotions, and behaviors that result as to the context of which this dynamic has been formed. Namely the primary problem is that the nature of the relationship we have created towards/around money has been that it has been deemed as more important than life itself and therefore the relationships that exist as life in reality. Since money has been deemed as more important than life and the integrity of the relationships of all - the conditions of which are formed as result of this starting point with money - are primarily dependent upon this intitial starting point - that means, implies, and can be seen that the certain conditions one has surrounding money will dictate the integrity of their relationships, the quality of their relationships, and the dynamics of which the relationships will continue and form over time. Thus the integrity of everyone's immediate individual relationships is primarily dependent upon money first - then whatever the two individuals agree upon between each other. Obviously within this the individuals can agree on a relationship to money together - but obviously that relationship has no context or ability to form without some form of support as money to be existent in one of the individuals lives in the first place - thus money was required in some way for the relationship to exist in the first place. The problem with our collective relationships to money is that since money is the most important thing in the world 1st, we have conducted and formed all relationships and all laws based on this starting point 1st - instead of conducting and forming laws that change this relationship dynamic/paradigm as the starting point for which money exist and we exist within this relationship to that which would be best for all - which would change the dynamic of all relationships thereafter to that which would be best for all - or at least all of those involving money - and since money has been the starting point for human consciousness for quite some time and still is - the nature of this relationship is key to forming a contextual paradigm shift for which human relationships can form differently in a way that is best for all.

The current paradigm is that which all laws form after the existence of a particular starting point for our relationship to money as a whole - and that relationship is not what is best for all - it is actually based on 'dog eat dog' 'survival of the fittest' and essentially a 'competition' mentality, idea, or state of mind. The main point to understand as to why this mentality has become the predominant idea or state of which this whole world system of money and nature seems to operate - is that it is the result of the programming of which we have deemed 'almighty' and 'truth' - meaning that 'the way things are' is more of a result of how we have collectively decided it to be and allowed it to be over time - thus the outflow of 'how things are' being seen as 'the reality' is not actually the 'reality' but rather the 'idea' being 'imposed upon' reality. And this idea being imposed upon reality not existing within the framework of 'what is best for all' is creating problems because it actually has already been written in 'reality' and in 'consciousness' that 'equality' and 'what is best for all' will 'commence' - and that all other notions of reality and ideas that consciousness has held over time has been and will be considered 'folly' in the ultimate realization of the human race as equal creators in existence as per their individual and collective adherance to 'that which has been designed through the written word' that being 'equality' as 'what is best for all'. 

Day 212

Today has been fairly interesting. My partner is going through morphine withdrawals due to her pump going out without being refilled and the alarm system not alerting her that it was empty so she has been in a lot of pain and experiencing alot of nausea and sickness as a result.

So that's been pretty stressful to deal with at times. We've sort of been bumping heads the last few weeks due to that and other circumstances which have been catalysts for conflict and or masks for a different issue or so I assume some of the issues may be diverted to other points to avoid confronting the main issue or primary points that exist as points of friction or a sort of dissatisfaction regarding.

So within this framework I need to take responsibility for the acceptance of such designs as a part of my resonance - because that which I allow is that which I become equal to - thus the only way to stop and change that which I have allowed myself to accept as a part of my resonance - is to take responsibility for why it was accepted knowing it to be a lesser version of myself by means of presenting this point through the resonance design of one close to me day to day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that accepting limitation and lesser versions of oneself that do not serve my utmost potential is a part of walking the system in self responsibility - within the idea that one must go through the system and or accept certain aspects of the system in order to survive - not realizing that this only affirms a predesign that is actually based in limitation and thus acceptance of these ideas which compells one to accept lesser versions of themselves as a means to ensure a particular survival or acceptance within the system - so that one can be at the headst of the opportunity of creating manifesting and designing the world in the image and,likeness of what is best for all - within that framework not realizing that this acceptance of lesser is the same means by which the collective structural resonance of the human being has come to accept lesser versions of themselves accumulatively into a design that condones limitation as if this was necessary or truth in the first place - within that not realizing that the ultimate truth of who each one is does not condone limitation or a lesser version of oneself as a means to fit in with the structural design of the human that exists in limitation - when the entire goal and process of equality is to realign ones acceptance and allowance as that which becomes their structurally resonant design into a a complete version of what is best for all overcoming all limitations and rules of the system that do not serve ones grand purpose of structually amalgamating with that which is besf for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of the reality or dynamics of acceptance and allowance because I know that things that I am allowing are not what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of being trapped within the paradigm of the rules of acceptance and allowance within the context of close personal relationships because I am automatically committed to that which they accept and allow as that which they are accepting and allowing within themselves and others - and within that fear that real points such as financial situations and obligations would force me to submit to their point of view because at some point I allowed myself to depend on that person financially to meet my obligations - thus being trapped within their reality of acceptance and allowance as their resonance - thus being limited by their levels of common sense, their application towards change, and their awareness of how this all works.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and,allowed the fear that I will not be able to support myself in the event that I lose or give up on, and or am resonantly possessed to stop that relationship, or see that that which is best for all would entail ending it and would actually mean that I would have to suffer in some way because of losing the support I have received from that person of which in a way has become a trap of,dependence, and thus has automatically lowered me into a position of being inferior and thus subject to their resonance by means of dependence regardless if they're designing themselves into something better and more aware or not - thus leaving me with the likelihood of accepting further limitation or even abuse because my livelihood as money has been melded with theirs.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that which I accept and allow in another is also that which I accept and allow within myself.

I forgive myself thar I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that my potential and awareness is based on the potential and awareness of another whenever the relationship has become in any way a financial depedence on another in order to ensure survival.

Day 211

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of going back to school to pursue a specific career or to get a job to pursue a specific skill or trade.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear tha tI w ill be lost without L and the income of the cleaning business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that if I get another low paying job I will go right back to feeling trapped and confined.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that I will never get over my fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that I will always be trapped within the specific paradigm and programming of relationship within the context of self-imposed limitation through fear of giving up that which one has defined themselves as.

Today was pretty stressful and there was this sort of lingering 'restlessness' within me like I felt like I should be doing something productive but just wasn't and didn't know what I should be doing, and didn't really have the drive and internal movement or motivation within me that usually drives me to get going and get things done. And it sort of felt like there was this 'block' or 'barrier' between me and accessing this sort of internal 'movement' or 'motivation' or 'fire'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fee or let the feeling of hindrance keep me from doing things to be productive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this 'ball' or 'barrier' within me to keep me from doing things that make me feel better by accomplishing small tasks that are productive in producing an overall productive or effective goal. 

Day 210 - NFL Kneeling to Anthem

So over the past few weeks and/or months one of the primary stories in the news and especially in the sports news parts of the journalism in the country has been the NFL players kneeling during the national anthem before the game begins in the stadium. Of which is usually untelevised as far as I can remember unless its a major game including playoffs in the NFL or the MLB or any championship game. According to my understanding these players kneeling in the recent NFL games which consisted of the first 7-8 games was the result of the quarterback of the 49'ers named Colin Kaepernick kneeling during one of the first few games of the season during the national anthem of which players, coaches, and fans usually stand and put their hand over their chest in "respect" for the flag - the flag being a symbol of our nation and the ideas that our country is based upon. At first whenever I heard the news stories of the players kneeling and then hearing the stories of how more and more players were kneeling during the national anthem - and then the stories of how the president was reacting to this kneeling - and how people in our nation were reacting - and how other players, coaches, and fans were reacting to the kneeling - it was apparent that the stories were more focused on telling the story of how 'players kneeled - and others were opposed - and others agreed'. Never really reporting on why the players were kneeling - or demanding an interview with a player that kneeled to get some clarity on why all of these players were kneeling - or why that particular one was kneeling. Within that it became apparent the media was more focused on everything that happened on the surface of the events - from players kneeling - to the president apparently calling them names - and coaches disagreeing - and owners not liking it etc etc. Not the true message or principle within the whole act of kneeling during the anthem. So it seemed that the whole debacle became a battle of the players kneeling vs. everybody that said or thought they were 'disrespecting the flag' instead of getting to the real core message that the players were trying to send - and even going so far as skewing, misrepresenting, or falsifying the reasons for which the players were kneeling in the first place - to fit some sort of 'stereotype' existent within the demographics of the players kneeling and/or 'level of awareness a football player likely has' - like football players kneeling during the national anthem could not mean anything important at all - and that they are all just stuck up brats.

According to my understanding of the reasons why Colin Kaepernick started kneeling during the national anthem was to raise awareness for the treatment of veterans whenever they got home from war - and the level the problems these veterans experience - including up to and including suicide - which according to other research I've done apparently 100,000 veterans have committed suicide since 2001 - and over 7,000 commit suicide every year, thats a pretty noble thing to do and a veteran thing to do. 

Day 209

Right now I'm alot of anxiousness. Its like this real uneasy tension inside of me that is sort of an instabiliy. Its very sort of discomforting to say the least. Not so pleasant I would say. But just the act of writing this down in this moment has been very stabilizing and comforting within itself. Its like the act of writing or within the act of writing it is like being able to see myself right in front of me and is so beneficial on many levels and dimension. Its like whenever I just sort of force myself to sit down and write without hesitation or judgment of the words that are coming out it is like a relief, a stabilization, and a sort of introspection all in one. It truly is amazing its power and affect it can have on me in a single moment. Its like slowing down time - or its like the act of it slows down everything to where my mind stops and I can just be without judgment and without fear. Which is really a great way to unwind, relax, and within that it is like a form of self-therapy that allows for introspection and insigh that I can't get from anywhere else.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear my mind and the emotional experience within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear anxiousness, anxiety, and uneasiness and the sort of poignancy it can have in a given moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and alowed the fear of becoming addicted to drugs and not having or taking my power back over the compulsion to stop it and transcend it - and if I do fall and give in to the compulsion - to then create an emotional experience of fear within fearing the consequences of giving in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that doing drugs or the experience within doing drugs is really me in self-honesty in self-expression and that the only ways  that I can attain these things is through the experience in the moment of using drugs and the 'high' or 'rush' that is associated with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that I cannot or will not stop using drugs - or ever transcend the desire completely without the slightest semblance of lingering or remaining desire and within the foundation being the idea of having a choice to do or not to do - when not realizing that if I do look at it in self-honesty the tools of self-forgiveness and self-writing can and will allow me to transcend all things that are illusions that actually I don't need - and within that gaining more self-power and self-respect than if I had used them instead.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear that drugs or the experience within drugs are more than me or more powerful than who I am as self-will and self-determination of which I am the power within and behind these traits as a living example expression of the words which I choose to live and attach myself to within self-definitions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the thought 'drugs are good and necessary in order to gain a glimpse of self-intimacy and self-honesty - and the use of drugs as far as its relevance or usefulness is more based on who you are within them - than the simple act of doing them within themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that I can or will or actually experinece something real within myself that I cannot obtain anywhere else than through using drugs or the minute or fleeting experience within a moment - not realizing that through self-forgiveness, self-honesty, and self-honest real world application of one's self-forgiveness I can reach much higher levels of self-expression and reaching much higher levels of my utmost potential than from ever using drugs in a moment to soothe a discomfort - not realizing that actually its far more beneficial and better to practice the tools - whether its on the point of drugs themselves or any other points that are self-honestly relevant - as the act within itself of applying the tools will ease that tension, that discomfort, and/or the emotional experiences that impulse or lead me to using drugs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that i have free choice when it comes to using drugs - within the justification that using drugs is not near as bad as other common things or forms of self-medication whether its alcohol, marijuana, or another form of substance with the goal of deriving some sort of experience to suppress or get away from a prominent emotional experience in a moment or built up over time and created over time.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that applying the tools of self writing and self forgiveness in any moment is a much more effective to move or deal and/or transcend the emotional mindsets that lead to wanting to use drugs in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that drugs actually do not give me anything real or substantial - nor really benefit me in any real substantial way over time - only a fleeting moment of 'pleasure' or 'bliss' that leaves and leaves me with nothing but the memory or experience. 

Day 208

The mind is a machine. It operates without you having to do anything in order for it to function. Within this the key point to realize within existing without awareness and with only consciousness is that design is such that what you accept and allow is that which will emanate from you and possess you completely as if it were you. The key is to take back the reins of your own life your own values and remove the programming from which you exist within consciousness as a result - and remove the inputs of that design for which you have created your reality in the image of this far - and understand how the mind works - within this understanding how the thoughts and memories form for which you are basing your life upon completely - within this not realizing that the real you that life force within you is not actually your consciousness nor does it come from consciousness - it comes from you as your physical body - that which you only have evidence for to exist in the first place - and that awareness has been fucked with extensively by your consciousness - trying to con you into believing thatbia the real you when it is not it is just a system for which has placed upon you from birth for you to not see reality and for you to not change yourself your life and the world as a whole - within that fulfilling one goal which is the MINd the reasources of earth which is the physical body - that alone indicate a conplete separation from reality in all its dimensions - beliecing consciousness is reality when it is not so.

Day 207

Today was interesting. I felt pretty sick and weak generally for most of the day. So I finally decided to go to the doctor to see if I could get this cyst/bite treated. It seems that it has gotten much bigger since yesterday and has become quite painful to the slightest touch and/or from movement local to the site. Whenever I was in the hospital I started to get angry towards the fact that I had gone and that they had not done what I wanted and expected them to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry with myself and others when my expectations do not match up to the reality and/or decisions of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of the consequences for following the guidelines and procedures of western medicine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of accepting and alloweing the idea that western medicine can be good or make sense at times.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of accepting western medicine's practices will compromise my body's health and integrity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that western medicine is only designed to make us sicker through suppression instead of real treatment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that western medicine is purely evil and participating within it will have disastrous consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that western medicine is designed to heal rather than just treat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that western medicine and following its procedures for common things will weaken my immune system and eventually I will be too weak to fight off diseases or infections. 

Day 206

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of having no money and not being able to meet my financial obligations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of not being able to sustain a business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of not being able or diligent enough to make a difference in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of not being able to find my way or place within this world. 

Day 205

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to question my resolve, my ethic, and my willingness to do, be, and become that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to question my goal of becoming that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of the people in my life that seem to at times not want me to do and become my utmost potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the people in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the people in my life that don't want me to change, expand, or grow because that would mean that they would have to also.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of change, growth, and self-expansion towards a better me, a better future, and a greater potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the process of changing myself as that which I have resistance to doing as the system impulses one to remain within the bounds and confines of one's own mind as belief systems that justify one's limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the limitations, excuses, and justifications of the mind through me or represented through another  to keep me from expanding - using the excuse that others are keeping me trapped and that I am apparently trapped with them - also using the excuse that they are apparently supporting me in some ways that are beneficial.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of breaking the confines of current existed dynamics of relationship that do not exemplify that which is best for all life - believing that I am confined within these dynamics as a result of suppression or some form of submission.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of breaking free from the chains of self-compromising and self-aggrandizement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of breaking free from the limitations of my own mind as that which has been superimposed onto me and my body as a form of justification for the way the world is or apparently should be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I gain anything from compromising myself, my commitment, my consistency, and my application of that which I have proven to myself to make me better and stronger every day - simply because those in my reality do not share these same traits nor have or exhibit the will to change as I do - and within the acceptance and allowance of such persons I am by default accepting limitation - and accepting the resonance of limitation within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel fear when presented with a future that is uncertain or filled with fear as accompaniment to the uncertainty.

Day 204

Today I was able to accomplish a couple of new creative things that made me see things a little bit differently. One was I was accomplished building a gate for a place within our fence that needed easy access to due to its higher traffic nature towards our the clothesline and storage shed. Another was brushing the horses for the first time up close by their sides. This was cool because usually due to mostly the fear that we are not comfortable with the horses enough - we usually stand between them and the fence. But finally I was able to go under the fence with ease due to removing a broken board and finally brushing them using a plastic palm brush. I definitely enjoyed this and the feeling of the horses trusting me to brush them and trusting me to stand next to them and feel their bodies. Another thing that was cool and new was I created my first website today - published one on one platform - and created 2 more and two different website creation platforms. It is an exciting process the unfolding of the creation of a business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of the process of creating a business - the factors that go into it - the diligence - and the qualities of creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I may lack or will lack the skills, traits, qualities, and abilities needed in order to successfully create, run, and maintain the existence of a profitable business venture.

Day 203

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "I hate all people and I just want to die".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "I hate my life so much".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "life sucks ass".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "life is terrible and nobody actually cares".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "life is bullshit and nobody gives a shit".

I was playing poker online and the players began to bully me and others. I don't know if that was the catalyst or if that was just showing me what is happening in other areas of my life as far as relationships goes but I started going through this same old type of experience within myself where I feel like I hate the world and my well being in this experience is so deteriorated my mind goes to killing or retaliating in some way to 'get back' against these bullies or whoever it is that is abusing me or others around them blindly and obnoxiously. The thoughts within me compound to such an extent that I am left just sulking or basking in these emotions of anger, pure reverence for all despicable behaviors and abuse. Its really unbearable falls somewhere around speaking to family at times. The only thing I can attribute i to is it usually members - and I've had this experience of reverence while playing online poker before - usually towards the players or particular player that is abusing obnoxiously and usually anonymously. And its these weak moments like these that make me want to go and use drugs to life me out of it for a moment. Even though I know that is not a solution - and more so becomes a habit when faced with these particular emotions and experiences again.

I guess I should stick to my writing daily.

Day 202

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that I will never be financially free.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that achieving financial freedom only requires diligence, common sense, and a willingness to see things through to completion.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deny the principles of wealth creation at the start of my adventure to creating wealth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of creating wealth for myself and my loved ones. 

Day 201 - Shooting In Las Vegas

The shooting in Las Vegas was confirmation for me that the government has covertly been associated in many if not all of the mass shootings within the past four to five years. See in a democratic society you cannot just force down rules, regulations, and new laws down people's throats. You need to have their consent because thats how a democracy works or at least that is how the crazy demons must conduct it - because apparently they have a vote and an opinion and that it is valid for its own sake - be it what is best for all or not - and therefore apparently have the right to bear arms and retaliate if a law is passed that does not fit their point of view.

So in order to eventually get to the point where the crazy demons have to take whatever is shoved down their throats by the government - you have to take away their guns apparently - or so the crazy demons believe - as they believe that their guns is what stands between them and their government - obviously within this forgetting that the pen is much mightier than the sword.

So back to how this all relates to the recent shooting in Las Vegas and the other shootings which we have seen in higher frequency in American modern history in the past few years. In order for the government to get an agenda passed - such as taking away people's guns - you need to stage a series of events that gets a collective dialogue going about 'how to avoid this mess and these tragedies' - you essentially have to incorporate tactics used by propagandists for over a century. You can create an event which receives a lot of attention and media exposure - the event obviously must be significant enough, clever enough, cunning enough, or severe enough to where it sparks all kinds of emotions within people - and then you must present what you are seeking as a measure that may be a part of bigger overall plan but is a crucial step to its completion - present the solution to this particular event or the future prevention of this type of event from occurring again. The result of the event must be sort of 'obvious' as 'what will be done going forward' - and that which you are seeking as your goal in this particular instance must be actually decided upon by the collective crazy demons as if it was their own idea in the first place - even though everything is set up by you to get them to come to the conclusions that you want - so that they will accept and even promote the 'plan' or 'measure' that you are trying to take or have been trying to take but have not yet convinced your constituents that this must be done - because obviously your goal is larger than theirs and they have no interest in yours - or the significance of this particular step on the way to achieving your goal - so you must orchestrate the events and aftermath in such a way that leads them to decide upon your measure as if it were their own idea. Thats propaganda 101 - and that is the way The United States of America has been run and orchestrated since the early 1900's. Fascinating isn't it? Any time you see a slogan - a phrase - repeated over and over again - you are listening to propaganda - it is the means for which you can run a 'democracy' - whenever all the crazy demons aren't really interested in what is best for all - nor do they have a clue about even how the basic mechanics of their minds function - so therefore you have the policy makers - who set the agenda for them - just orchestrate their relations in ways where the people will do what you want as if they are doing it for themselves. 

Day 200

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of missing out on life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of having no money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of not having a business partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of not having someone to hold and comfort me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of not having an income from business. 

Day 199

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of failure to constantly drive me to seek someone in my family especially my mother and or brothers to save me or bail me out of my financial condition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that if I were to fail that it would be the end and if I were to end up homeless then I would have lost my life, and I would never cone back from it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that failure is the end and to have no money would be the end not realizing that it is only the beginning.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the belief that I must rely ob others for money not realizing that as long as I do I will never be free and learn to use my skills knowledge aptitude and abilities to make my destiny.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that my mother and father are simply designed to keep me from ever making any mistakes or failing so that I would never learn from them which in affect is keeping me trapped in a loop of dependence that is based in fear not practical reality because mistakes are what makes you learn.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of cutting all ties with family with my mother and father and create my own life which would allow me to essentially expand mysekf my awareness and my capabilities practically in reality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of heeding the call of life to explore and to create without dependence on others ever again.

Good riddance. Till here no further. Fuck you mom and dad.

Day 198

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "money is the root of all evil".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "money is hard to make".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "the pursuit of money is basically evil".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "the love of money is the root of all evil".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "it is hard without money".

Day 197

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hold onto limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto my limitations, fears, and insecurities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put doubt in places where it is not due.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have a choice of whether or not I choose what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of hurting people or being hurt by people close to me. 

Day 196

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of Lisa leaving me or hiding things from me.

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed the fear of making it Work with Lisa.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of ending up all alone.

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed the fear of being alone forever.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of losing my best friend in Lisa.

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed the fear of not having anybody there for me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of creating agreements according to what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of promoting myself and what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of working a business, hiring employees, and focusing on gaining new clients.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of focus in on business as y means for income and self expansion rather than being an employee.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of business as a means for income and self development.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of of starting and running a new business.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of failing in business.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear that business will not be what I hope or think it is going to be or that i will lose my drive or motivation and as a result fail.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear that I will never succeed in business.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear that business will not hieldba good life.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see realise and understand that business can yieldbmuch more in terms of finance than any job will ever yield.

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed the fear of not posting blogs and the consequences thereof.

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed the fear of missing a blog and not writing consecutive days in a row.

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed the fear of not posting my blogs on a daily basis.

I forgive myself that have not accepted and allowed myself to console in writing and speaking self forgiveness out loud.

Day 195

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of doing blogs regularly.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of doing blogs regularly and within that to actually fear changing and seeing the effects that doing regular blogs has on my life, my reality, and my living.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of going back to school to get a degree in something relevant to my goals and purpose on this earth.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of studying law so that I will have greater command of the english language, a thorough understanding of how our laws interact with society and individuals on a personal basis, and to gain more credibility from my peers as an authority on 'legal matters'. 

Day 194

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of going back to the car wash to work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of focusing on sticking to my goals of creating a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of doing things that might seem hard or that I may not like doing but I have to do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of doing what is self-honestly best for all in terms of starting a business or going back to school.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of working on my business instead of tending to the business of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of working for money instead of having money work for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that money defines me and therefore my route and avenue for going after money defines who I am and what I believe in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that I am fearful and thats why I get stuck or feel stuck with employment. 

Day 193

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of meeting new people and talking to them
and getting to know them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of making a mistake in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of going out of my comfort zones with people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of writing in my journal and my girlfriend seeing it and judging me for it or about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of failing in life and having nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of becoming nothing but the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of not having enough or any money at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of not having any friends or a life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of leaving the past behind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting the past be the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of letting go of my family and the comfort I get from my family who only serves to keep me stuck in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of giving up on my mother and my father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that I need my mother and my father in order to be ok - or that if I didn't have them I would be lost - without support - and without direction - without comfort - without solace.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of letting go of the people in my life that have served and only serve to keep me trapped in the past and not actually benefiting me or letting me reach my full potential in this reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of letting go of my mother since she only serves to keep me trapped in my past - which is a past filled with limitation built over time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of letting go of my past. 

Day 192 - SF on Fear of Business

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of filing for a business entity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of the statutes regarding businesses in my state of Florida and the fear of missing something or not comprehending something within relevant statutes pertaining to my business.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand the power of business in terms of making money and creating a long lasting asset to support me over time and through my time on earth.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand the importance of businesses and the power thereof in my study and pursuit of a more perfect financial literacy.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to use business and the statutes thereof to pursue my goals of becoming the best version of me possible that will create a lasting impact on the world in the pursuit of what is best for all in the principles of equality and oneness.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize, see, and understand the power of the laws being designated to benefit business - not employees - and to realize that the nature of these laws binds me to following that which benefits me in the pursuit and realization of what is best for all life on this earth which involves inevitable entanglement with business as proper means to form sustainable and supportive income while challenging the programming and fears existent surrounding business, the creation thereof, and the fears surrounding money.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed the realization that business is the foundation for all jobs on earth and that to form business is to form jobs whether it be for me or for anybody else.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to use the powers of business as an asset creating strategy to further and facilitate my goals of becoming better, more powerful, more expansive, and better fit to take responsibility for the plight of myself and all on this earth once and for all. 

Day 191 - What He Meant

There has been a massive almost insurmountable level of confusion when it comes to the relevance and significance of Jesus Christ. Instead of grasping his words and practicing them on the most small or minute of levels - the entire message as the totality of his words has become a sort of judgment point where "to know him" has become "to believe him" instead of "to know him" being "to live his message" - within that drawing the distinction between believing something is real vs. Actually applying it and seeing if it is real first-hand - e.g. many people believe smoking causes cancer as thats what been sold to them by the medical and pharmaceutical industry but almost no one has any first-hand knowledge or evidence that that is true - so within this drawing the distinction and picture that having faith or believing him(jesus) has become more emphasized than "knowing he's real and telling the truth through first hand experience and application of his words". Instead of living by, applying for ones self, and heding his words on a very personal and practical basis - people have been more focused on the story of Jesus himself and his relevance as a man as "the son of god" as a point of knowledge as if by just believing him or saying you believe in him(here again focusing more on his status instead of actual relevance) without applying his words is the most important component to "heding his message" instead of actually focusing on his words, what he really means in them, and how we can apply that real meaning on a personal and interpersonal basis. The beLIEf has become the fascination of our minds rather than " the real world application". This seems to have come to be because of the tendency for people to be more preoccupied with the fascinations of the mind instead of the tedious truth and nature of physical practicality.

Day 190 - I am Desteni

This a realization I've had many times over after going through the years that I've gone through forgiving myself. The years of going through the trials and tribulations of being exposed to the desteni message - including the pre-programmed reactions towards desteni - but within it all still knowing that desteni is the end all be all as the group of life on earth when it comes to assisting and supporting the humans that would dare to loom at the nature of reality and the nature of consciousness. Within that i realized that in fact the small is the big and if I want to be a part of desteni then i am actually the small within the big that is the totality of desteni. Within this realizing that i am desteni as the small representing the big. Thus my fate is the fate of desteni and fate of desteni is my fate. Since I know my fate and the fate of desteni I am the ultimate power within consciousness and humanity. I am the power of god incarnate.  Thus I am the fate of the universe because I am the universe. All who see will go through me as that is what I have declared as the essence of this test as the set for this grand plan called life as the power of life is beholden me with the power to realize and discover the potential within me and all as the designation that this power is already here existent within each one - waiting for each one to take it by the reins and guide themselves into the best possible version of themselves as that which they would like to see and would like their children to be.

Day 189

fake people talk about you behind your back and they don't even know you they only going on what they see based on what they're expecting to see based on what other people have told them that's why they are not real they don't know how to communicate for real because they live in absolute fear everybody has flaws but those flaws do not Define the totality of a human being that's why defining somebody based on a glimpse is not justified. people are going to have to learn how to forgive themselves for their fear and be honest with themselves about their fear. identify the people who talk about others negatively behind their back with you or somebody else, those people are the ones who are talking about you behind your back. They talk about people behind their back because they are evil and know that with "two or more in my name" they can turn somebody into that flawed glimpse completely and/or get rid of them. And they fear consequence of spewing their evil to someone's face not realising its ten fold more evil to spew to someone else. What they don't know is that i am immune to their disease because the power of god(forgiveness) is in my hands. I won't forgive them. But i will forgive myself for my flaws and become better and more powerful. You won't see my power until it is done. But it will be done on earth as it was in heaven. Thy kingdom come thy will be done. Say your prayers. Dorothy is going bye bye. You will not pass death without comprehending this. Annihilate your ego or it will swallow you whole.

Day 188

Tonight I drove for uber. I made some pretty good tips + fares. But there was one at the very last where this dude got super pissed off at me for going the wrong way. I wanted to kick him out of the car right away but i sucked it up and took him and his friends home.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the thought "people suck".

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the thought " people are generally stupid".

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the thought " my life sucks".

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the thought " my life is stupid".

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the thought "I am just ego and not worthy of life".

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of conflict and confrontation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of missing my purpose on earth.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of passing on or by my purpose on earth.

Day 187 - Self-forgiveness on not living committments/relationships

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of actually living my self-commitments, following through with them, and experiencing the newfound expression within sticking to my commitments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of what my neighbors will think of me as it pertains to my intimate relationship with my girlfriend regarding the dynamic of us as an "odd" couple.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of the outcome as it pertains to my relationship with my girlfriend who lives with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that something horrible, devastating, life changing, life destroying, or generally bad will happen between me and L.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of changing my starting points within my relationships to that which is best for all in self-honesty and a commitment to self-change and self-growth through using the tools of self-forgiveness, self-honesty, self - commitment, and self-corrective application over time and in real time as things occur.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that my girlfriend is not who I am supposed to be walking with in self-honesty, and within that fear that my commitments or quasi commitments to her are actually self-dishonest.

Day 186 - 21 DAY Committment To Self-Change, Self-Correction, and Self-Application

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to do drugs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel weak and powerless when it comes to drugs and the continuous pattern of doing drugs based on the intial impulse and/or sudden arisen desire. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the sudden arisen desire to take drugs for a pick me up or even to froget, suppress, or escape from issues in my life due to a lack of self-committment, will, and fortitude to dedicate my life to self-correction, self-change through self-forgiveness and self-commitments. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of doing the wrong thing or making the wrong decision. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of losing my life and the comfort that comes with it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of losing the creature comforts that I have in my life and have accrued. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of getting fired from my job by my manager because of the potential or possibility that I am not good enough to work at my job for an extended period of time. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that my coworkers will or do resent me because I reported their abuse to management. 

I commit myself to create my life and direct all of my relationships to what is best for all. 

I commit myself to write self-forgiveness and self-committments daily for 21 days from this point forward of this writing to see and realize the benefits and the positives of doing so while also transferring my self-forgiveness and self-committment statements to my blog to see the effects and benefits of posting this particular material online to upload my change to the unconscious mind and see how I change as a result. 

I committ myself to the process of self-change through writing self-forgiveness and self-committments to see how I live and embody the words of self-correction as living words in self-expression. 

I commit myself to see how I can change trhough dedicating my life to self-application, self-change, and self-correction through writing, speaking, and living self-forgiveness,, self-commitment statements, self application in real time in my immediate reality, uploading these documents online for all to see, learn, and share from. 

I commit myself to investigate the avenues and means for stopping using drugs - specifically crack cocaine and cocaine hcl. 

I commit myself to stop using crack cocaine. 

I commit myself to investigate and disect desires and/or direct them immediately through speaking or writing and speaking self-forgiveness and self-committment statements such as "when and as the desire to smoke crack rises up within me, I breathe, and I immediately tackle the desire and/or impulse through writing or speaking out loud self-forgiveness and self-committments and/or self-corrective statements to avoid and/or prevent the eventual/potential outflow of acting on the desire and using the substance whenever I have already committed myself to stop. 

Day 185 - Existence is Me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of reporting abuse so that abusers will realize they cannot get away with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of standing on my own two feet in self-trust and self-authority in standing up to the abuse.

I am existence. Existence is me. It is my responsibility to stand up to abuse or lest I will be subject to what I accept and allow within me and others in my life. Till here no further. I aim to annihilate the self-interest existent within me that keeps me from my utmost potential - and realizing myself and my power as the living word.

Day 184

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist doing blogs even whenever I know that the results of doing a blog usually is good and the next day is usually better than the day I wrote the blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of doing blogs as a fear of some consequence in the form of family or friends finding the blogs - reacting to it - and/or potentially using it against me to form some kind of opinion or belief about who I am within a place a judgment - ignorance - and misunderstanding of why I do what I do and why I write what I write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my writings and my self-forgiveness used against me within the premise of what I am forgiving is what defines me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of family and friends reading my blogs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of people using my words against me as if whenever I write something it is the end all - be all of who I am.

Day 183

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of self diminishment and self-annihilation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of being alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of missing out on life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of losing Lisa.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of missing out in life or believe I would be missing out in life by being with Lisa.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of committing myself to something or somebody.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of hurting Lisa or being hurt by Lisa.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of taking financial responsibility for my future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of failing in my life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of making a mistake in my relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of making a mistake with Lisa.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of not having Lisa around and with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of failing in relationships.

Day 182

SF on Suppressions regarding event with older woman standing outside of gas station. Had immense attraction and then suppressed it with regards to showing the attraction, expressing the attraction in some way – most obvious way since she was older was to be straightforward about attraction and/or even desire to have sex at some point. And then that was it – and I think that it was so obvious in the entirety of that whole moment where the women actually reacted to me or said something with regards to how I suppressed the whole thing.  Afterwards whenever I came out of the store and got back in the car – I started to feel/experience this feeling of being really self-conscious. After that feeling I started to reminisce of the event with the suppression with the older woman. Within this looking back at it – there was this feeling of absolute regret, disgust, and torment. Like I was just terrorizing myself by following that suppression. And after starting to experience the self-consciousness – and then reminiscing the suppression with the older woman – the suppression with the older woman became very significant and big within my mind – whereas before, during, and after the event with the suppression – it was ‘no big deal’ – ‘just a little suppression’ – and ‘its cute that I look like I’m shy’ – ‘they think I’m cuter because I was acting shy whenever I shouldn’t be at all’ – ‘I’m improving their image of men by not acting like such a dog in their presence – instead acting quiet, shy, and reserved – ‘acting shy indicates that I am not abusive and that I’m basically a good man’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have anything to gain as far as how women see me by being shy, acting shy, or being reserved, subtle, and quiet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must suppress my interactions and attractions to females in my immediate environment in a way because if I do not then they will likely may feel harassed, uncomfortable, and or react emotionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stifle and suppress my interactions with women – whereas within my suppression I am unable to express the point clearly with regards to the relevance regarding where I stand within that moment as far as my attraction to the female.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stifle and suppress my attraction to a female and the outflows/expressions as a result of this attraction regarding what I would say or do if I did not let fear get in the way –and suppression win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my stiflement and suppression of my attraction to females and/or my expression of attraction towards any particular females in my environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my suppression I am dealing with within my mind .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is ‘ok, not harmful, or not abusive’ by acting shy or letting shyness play any role within my pursuit and attraction of a woman.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my suppression of my expression with females that would be in the image and likeness of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the suppression of any existing idea or emotion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the idea and belief that by acting shy ‘I am going to get a girl’s attention because she likes the deception I am using because it is the same as what she uses’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the