I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "I hate all people and I just want to die".
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "I hate my life so much".
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "life sucks ass".
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "life is terrible and nobody actually cares".
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "life is bullshit and nobody gives a shit".
I was playing poker online and the players began to bully me and others. I don't know if that was the catalyst or if that was just showing me what is happening in other areas of my life as far as relationships goes but I started going through this same old type of experience within myself where I feel like I hate the world and my well being in this experience is so deteriorated my mind goes to killing or retaliating in some way to 'get back' against these bullies or whoever it is that is abusing me or others around them blindly and obnoxiously. The thoughts within me compound to such an extent that I am left just sulking or basking in these emotions of anger, pure reverence for all despicable behaviors and abuse. Its really unbearable falls somewhere around speaking to family at times. The only thing I can attribute i to is it usually members - and I've had this experience of reverence while playing online poker before - usually towards the players or particular player that is abusing obnoxiously and usually anonymously. And its these weak moments like these that make me want to go and use drugs to life me out of it for a moment. Even though I know that is not a solution - and more so becomes a habit when faced with these particular emotions and experiences again.
I guess I should stick to my writing daily.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "I hate my life so much".
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "life sucks ass".
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "life is terrible and nobody actually cares".
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "life is bullshit and nobody gives a shit".
I was playing poker online and the players began to bully me and others. I don't know if that was the catalyst or if that was just showing me what is happening in other areas of my life as far as relationships goes but I started going through this same old type of experience within myself where I feel like I hate the world and my well being in this experience is so deteriorated my mind goes to killing or retaliating in some way to 'get back' against these bullies or whoever it is that is abusing me or others around them blindly and obnoxiously. The thoughts within me compound to such an extent that I am left just sulking or basking in these emotions of anger, pure reverence for all despicable behaviors and abuse. Its really unbearable falls somewhere around speaking to family at times. The only thing I can attribute i to is it usually members - and I've had this experience of reverence while playing online poker before - usually towards the players or particular player that is abusing obnoxiously and usually anonymously. And its these weak moments like these that make me want to go and use drugs to life me out of it for a moment. Even though I know that is not a solution - and more so becomes a habit when faced with these particular emotions and experiences again.
I guess I should stick to my writing daily.
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