Right now I'm alot of anxiousness. Its like this real uneasy tension inside of me that is sort of an instabiliy. Its very sort of discomforting to say the least. Not so pleasant I would say. But just the act of writing this down in this moment has been very stabilizing and comforting within itself. Its like the act of writing or within the act of writing it is like being able to see myself right in front of me and is so beneficial on many levels and dimension. Its like whenever I just sort of force myself to sit down and write without hesitation or judgment of the words that are coming out it is like a relief, a stabilization, and a sort of introspection all in one. It truly is amazing its power and affect it can have on me in a single moment. Its like slowing down time - or its like the act of it slows down everything to where my mind stops and I can just be without judgment and without fear. Which is really a great way to unwind, relax, and within that it is like a form of self-therapy that allows for introspection and insigh that I can't get from anywhere else.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear my mind and the emotional experience within it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear anxiousness, anxiety, and uneasiness and the sort of poignancy it can have in a given moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and alowed the fear of becoming addicted to drugs and not having or taking my power back over the compulsion to stop it and transcend it - and if I do fall and give in to the compulsion - to then create an emotional experience of fear within fearing the consequences of giving in.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that doing drugs or the experience within doing drugs is really me in self-honesty in self-expression and that the only ways that I can attain these things is through the experience in the moment of using drugs and the 'high' or 'rush' that is associated with it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that I cannot or will not stop using drugs - or ever transcend the desire completely without the slightest semblance of lingering or remaining desire and within the foundation being the idea of having a choice to do or not to do - when not realizing that if I do look at it in self-honesty the tools of self-forgiveness and self-writing can and will allow me to transcend all things that are illusions that actually I don't need - and within that gaining more self-power and self-respect than if I had used them instead.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear that drugs or the experience within drugs are more than me or more powerful than who I am as self-will and self-determination of which I am the power within and behind these traits as a living example expression of the words which I choose to live and attach myself to within self-definitions.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the thought 'drugs are good and necessary in order to gain a glimpse of self-intimacy and self-honesty - and the use of drugs as far as its relevance or usefulness is more based on who you are within them - than the simple act of doing them within themselves.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that I can or will or actually experinece something real within myself that I cannot obtain anywhere else than through using drugs or the minute or fleeting experience within a moment - not realizing that through self-forgiveness, self-honesty, and self-honest real world application of one's self-forgiveness I can reach much higher levels of self-expression and reaching much higher levels of my utmost potential than from ever using drugs in a moment to soothe a discomfort - not realizing that actually its far more beneficial and better to practice the tools - whether its on the point of drugs themselves or any other points that are self-honestly relevant - as the act within itself of applying the tools will ease that tension, that discomfort, and/or the emotional experiences that impulse or lead me to using drugs.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that i have free choice when it comes to using drugs - within the justification that using drugs is not near as bad as other common things or forms of self-medication whether its alcohol, marijuana, or another form of substance with the goal of deriving some sort of experience to suppress or get away from a prominent emotional experience in a moment or built up over time and created over time.
I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that applying the tools of self writing and self forgiveness in any moment is a much more effective to move or deal and/or transcend the emotional mindsets that lead to wanting to use drugs in the first place.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that drugs actually do not give me anything real or substantial - nor really benefit me in any real substantial way over time - only a fleeting moment of 'pleasure' or 'bliss' that leaves and leaves me with nothing but the memory or experience.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear my mind and the emotional experience within it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear anxiousness, anxiety, and uneasiness and the sort of poignancy it can have in a given moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and alowed the fear of becoming addicted to drugs and not having or taking my power back over the compulsion to stop it and transcend it - and if I do fall and give in to the compulsion - to then create an emotional experience of fear within fearing the consequences of giving in.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that doing drugs or the experience within doing drugs is really me in self-honesty in self-expression and that the only ways that I can attain these things is through the experience in the moment of using drugs and the 'high' or 'rush' that is associated with it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that I cannot or will not stop using drugs - or ever transcend the desire completely without the slightest semblance of lingering or remaining desire and within the foundation being the idea of having a choice to do or not to do - when not realizing that if I do look at it in self-honesty the tools of self-forgiveness and self-writing can and will allow me to transcend all things that are illusions that actually I don't need - and within that gaining more self-power and self-respect than if I had used them instead.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear that drugs or the experience within drugs are more than me or more powerful than who I am as self-will and self-determination of which I am the power within and behind these traits as a living example expression of the words which I choose to live and attach myself to within self-definitions.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the thought 'drugs are good and necessary in order to gain a glimpse of self-intimacy and self-honesty - and the use of drugs as far as its relevance or usefulness is more based on who you are within them - than the simple act of doing them within themselves.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that I can or will or actually experinece something real within myself that I cannot obtain anywhere else than through using drugs or the minute or fleeting experience within a moment - not realizing that through self-forgiveness, self-honesty, and self-honest real world application of one's self-forgiveness I can reach much higher levels of self-expression and reaching much higher levels of my utmost potential than from ever using drugs in a moment to soothe a discomfort - not realizing that actually its far more beneficial and better to practice the tools - whether its on the point of drugs themselves or any other points that are self-honestly relevant - as the act within itself of applying the tools will ease that tension, that discomfort, and/or the emotional experiences that impulse or lead me to using drugs.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that i have free choice when it comes to using drugs - within the justification that using drugs is not near as bad as other common things or forms of self-medication whether its alcohol, marijuana, or another form of substance with the goal of deriving some sort of experience to suppress or get away from a prominent emotional experience in a moment or built up over time and created over time.
I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that applying the tools of self writing and self forgiveness in any moment is a much more effective to move or deal and/or transcend the emotional mindsets that lead to wanting to use drugs in the first place.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that drugs actually do not give me anything real or substantial - nor really benefit me in any real substantial way over time - only a fleeting moment of 'pleasure' or 'bliss' that leaves and leaves me with nothing but the memory or experience.
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