Day 9

Today has been stressful a little bit. I don't know what to write about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought 'this world is just cruel and evil'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought 'i hate this world'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought 'I hate life'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought 'I hate my mother'.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the thought 'i hate everything my mother represents'.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the thought 'I hate myself and all things in this reality'.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the thought ' this world sucks dick'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought ' this world is just abusive'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought ' this world can die and I wouldn't care'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought 'this world can suck my dick'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought 'this world sucks'.

I get this experience of fear everytime I think about going to work in the morning. Like having to face everybody scares me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going to work and fear the people I work with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of seeing the people at work that I have disdain for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of the people at the carwash.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear starting a new life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of making a change in my life that will impact me and those around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going after women.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of making a change with regards to my relationship to females and how I view them, how I treat them, and how  I pursue them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of making a change in my life that will impact my well being significantly in a good way as well as those around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that if I don’t pursue women they will not pursue me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that I will die if I do not change myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that I will not change if I do not ask god for forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that I will not change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that I won’t be able to move past my relationships that are hindering me in this reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the excuse and justification that if I do not abuse life in some way I will be abused and thus be at the mercy of other’s torment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that if I do not abuse I will be abused extensively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that if I do not get a grip on how I am supposed to handle myself in this reality then I will be swept away and forgotten.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the excuse and justification that I am at the mercy of other’s subjections and opinions instead of my own life will and force within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the excuse and justification that I am at the mercy of other’s perceptions and torments based on their nature and what they have accepted and allowed within themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the excuse and justification that I cannot make a difference in this world/ reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the excuse and justification or belief that I don’t care about this reality or my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the excuse and justification that it is my parents fault that my life is the way it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that I will never realize myself and get out of consciousness. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought ‘smoking is best for all’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought ‘smoking is a way to escape’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought ‘smoking is easy’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought ‘smoking is abuse’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought ‘smoking is good for me’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought ‘smoking makes me a better person because I don’t jack off as much when I smoke’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought ‘smoking gives me pleasure’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought ‘smoking is like giving up my life to evil’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought ‘smoking is assisting and supporting to me to get out of consciousness’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought ‘smoking is a way for me to relax and take my mind off things’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought ‘smoking is useful’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought ‘smoking is better than sex’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought ‘smoking is making me a good person’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought ‘smoking is making me more in tune with breath and reality’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought ‘smoking is a way for me to suppress my sexual desires’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought ‘smoking is so much better than being in my mind’.