Day 20

Today I was doing pretty well. I was quite stable within myself for the most part of the morning. And then something changed after I bought a monster energy drink. I suddenly wasn’t as stable. Some of the things I see I did differently today was that I didn’t eat breakfast at all.

This morning I woke up and my mind was filled with all of these thoughts about me being gay. And none of that is true or real. That’s all shit that stems from me working at this place where a gay guy has been spreading the rumor around work saying that I am gay which is not true. Just because he is a woman in a man’s body doesn’t mean I am. I’m so miserable. I don’t know what to do about this. Its like I am being consumed by this energy/thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought ‘I am homosexual’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought ‘I am a gay man’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought ‘Everyone at work is gay’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought ‘Everyone is gay’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought ‘People are assholes and deserve to die’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought ‘I hate my life and I want to die’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought ‘I hate everything and want to die’.

Goal: Find a good job with good people.