Day 17

Yesterday I didn’t get a chance to write anything down. I was too worried about trying to get laid and what not. And nothing happened anyway but its ok I guess. I guess I could have asked Cassi if she wanted to hang out but the car is not running very well and the check engine light came on. I let it run for like 5 straight hours but it was still running weird by the time I turned it off. When I was at the beach earlier I met a group of guys and was talking to them. I was looking for the girls on the beach and saw one in the vicinity by herself and was thinking about going to talk to her but I didn’t because I saw her stomach and it was one of those flabby stomachs. But then I regretted not going over to talk to her because there was no other girls that I could have talked to other than two that were reading but I decided not to talk to them because it was two girlfriends together reading. She was the only girl I saw there by herself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear talking to women by the beach or on the beach.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge women’s bodies as not good or not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge women for not coming to me and me having to make contact with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of putting myself out there in front of people, meeting people, and especially meeting women.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of women reacting to me if I put myself out there and meet them and talk to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge women’s bodies as too good for me or not good enough.