Day 247 - NFL Deceives for Profit

      One of the disturbing things about the football games today was an event/occurrence during the Cleveland Browns vs. Baltimore Ravens game where a player got injured and was down on the field holding his head /helmet obviously in a significant level of incapacitation as a result of a very hard blow to his helmet from a teammate of similar size and stature, vomit visibly present on his face mask, and laying on the turf holding his helmet in a sort of frantic frenzied disorientation accompanied with a seemingly gut wrenching ache similiar in nature to getting kicked in the balls.

        The more disturbing thing about the whole incident was how quickly the broadcast cut to a commercial break, and how there was no mention that I heard of him or his condition later on in the game or in the post game broadcast. Not a "he was carried off the field" "he was helped to the sidelines" or "he was escorted to the locker room for examination or treatment", not a mention of anybody being injured, nothing...zilch...nada...

To put this one in perspective for you, ive been watching the NFL on television since I was 6 years old and I just turned 28 recently. I've never seen a hit this hard in a live game accompanied with a player being so incapacitated as a result of the blow to the helmet vs a serious structural injury ie. serious leg injury, accompanied by an nvoluntary response of vomiting immediately after the hit.

         So it came to mind that The National Football League may have coercively tried to cover up the severity of this incident and maybe even worse, ignored its occurrence altogether excluding the live broadcast of the play and the instant replay broadcasted on television immediately after including the close-up of the player on the ground close enough to see the vomit emitted from his mouth.

       Everybody who saw the film with Will Smith called "Concussion", an expose of the National Football League's history of covering up, silencing, and paying off past and present players who have endured significant brain damage as a result of the impacts endured to their heads while playing in the league, would be or should be acutely or semi aware of the impact that film had not only on their own perceptions of the sport moving forward but also the overall collective perception of the sport nationally and internationally.

     Part of the effect its had is already being vividly seen in the NFL's recent marketing campaigns including blatant advertisements touting the implementation of new helmet technologies as if it is all of the sudden relevant, a recent change in the rules regarding tackling forms and methods, and the new slogan appropriated to the advertisements specifically implemented to address this growing concern in the public eye titled "The NFL, Moving Forward". This new slogan and advertising of the measures being taken to make the sport "safer" are espoused as new 21st century advancements in technology and products of the leagues 'newfound demands regarding saftey'. Such technological advancements are made to seem as if they are derived from the good conscientiousness, awareness, and keenness of the NFL, its partners, players, and viewers. However, anybody who saw the movie "Concussion" which debuted in 2015 starring Will Smith" starkly knows and sees otherwise.

     The truth is this wasn't so much of an issue of concern with regards to the public's perception of the sport pre 2015. And the almost panic like frenzy the NFL has been in to garner a more responsible image since the movie debuted is unquestionably expedient timing in response to its widespread impact. The movie's expose and unveiling of all that has been going on over the years regarding the level of damage that has been done to player's brains, the level of damage that is ascertainably still being endured to this day, and the lengths for which the NFL association has went through and still may to cover up this information, silence those who have attempted to speak out against the nature of what has been going on in the league, and fervently withheld disclosures of prudent facts and data they hold and have held for decades regarding the level of personal danger current and future players are and/or will be exposed to as a result of playing the sport and more specifically in the National Football League, has definitely skewed anybody's perception of of not only the league, but also themselves, their families, their communities, the fan base as a whole, and the entire sport itself.

     All things considered it was not such a big surprise we have seen the campaigns the last few years conveniently timed after the release of the movie. But a little bit more surprising is the more recent seemingly blatant disregard for an occurrence during live television in where the nature of such occurrence is at the heart of what the recent PR campaigns have been poised to address.

Maybe their plan is to hush hush the facts, shuue away any reckoning of these events as they unfold on live television in front of millions of people, and continue to tout 'how technology is being advanced to make a safer sport, rules are being implemented to better suit a 21st century level of conscientiousness and moral reptitude with regards to the aftermath of recreational sport violence' as if these actions were born out a spontaneous increase in the injuries occurring in the league, the severity of those injuries, the increasing need to address them, or even worse, their ethical responsibility to do so.

 But we all know that if the movie Concussion was even remotely accurate in its depictions, the NFL wasn't and probably still isn't worried about anything other than its public image and corporate profits. If they were not that concerned then this would have came to the forefront of their PR campaigns a long time ago when the evidence was first coming out. (Actually they could have been concerned and may have avoided their upcoming downfall).

Its a lesson for all of us, that human greed can create monstrous atrocities amidst the almighty temptation of a large cash cow and better yet accompanied with the FEAR of that cash cow disappearing. 

This why we need to take survival out of this system and make it guaranteed. For as long as the FEAR is there, the human will stop at nothing to destroy itself and others as he/she is being conned into this delusion promulgated this competition forced upon them by virtue of our inability to come to a comon sense agreement about what is best for all and how to implement that.

Amen. God have mercy on us. They know not what they do. 

Sources: 

Live viewing of the broadcast of The Ravens vs. The Browns on CBS.

"Concussion" fictional film by Peter Landesman featuring Will Smith in the lead role. 

Excerpt from Wikipedia about "Concussion"

:

"Concussion is a 2015 American biographicalsports drama film directed and written by Peter Landesman, based on the exposé "Game Brain" by Jeanne Marie Laskas, published in 2009 by GQ magazine.^[ "

Day 246

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of getting out and doing stuff.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of facing my fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of talking to women.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of standing up to people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of being truthful and honest

with others and myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of leaving behind the old and

starting anew.

Day 245 - Confidence and Sexuality

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself and to have the confidence to fuck hot women.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to feel confident in my attractiveness towards the women I am most attracted to.
I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to feel confident in my looks.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to feel confident in my body naked around a woman I consider to be smoking hot.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to feel confident in my sexual expressions.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself the confidence to be who I want to be and stand up for who i want to be and what i want to live as me as my expression.

Day 244 - Value of Facebook? Who should get all the profits?

There is nothing wrong with a free service that harvests its user information to generate a return on investment. Within capitalism that is totally fine and is a part of the whole goal of the service in the first place, to generate a profit. To say otherwise would be dishonest unless of course the profits somehow went back to the users at some point instead of just mainly the capital suppliers who provided the whole 'brick and mortar' foundation in the form of money aka. capital in the beginning and the service creators, managers, and servants.


This is why publishing is so important because within the capitalist system nothing creative gets done without the 'capitalists' investment into such things - and this is only influenced by the 'capitalists' 'aim goals'. Usually  that has to do with 'turning a profit' and 'generating cash flow' unless they are interested in 'changing the world' or 'making a difference'. Thus it could take many years before an idea, framework, or system, is actually implemented full scale inside the system due to the nature of how capitalists choose what is to be capitalised or not, this is why it is so important to publish no matter who you are because everyone has great ideas. They are just rarely written down, much less built, and 'once a blue moon' actually implemented to the point of being substantially etched into consciousness to where it is an ongoing 'paradigm', 'part of society', or becomes 'just the the way it is' as they say out of the lack for the ability to explain how things come about and form within society, human endeavor, human life, and human consicousness.


Which brings up an interesting point because within a service that is 'harvesting' its users information and the primary utility of that service is a 'medium to facillitate publishing' then that service's value is really derived from the users ingenuity in ideas that they 'publish' - not their information for which they can be targeted for advertising. That is only a part of the 'capitalist' ideal/notion of 'investing' which serves no purpose really but to make them money which is based out of survivalism(a false ideal and not best for all in practice). 

So if the value of a service is derived from the users 'publishings' then that would indicate that the 'exchange' would go to the 'highest ingenuity in thought published', 'consistency of ingenuity', 'paradigm shifting ingenuity of thought published',  instead of just to the 'harvester of personal information' who mainly just acts as facillitators and managers of the medium itself after it is implemented and expanded to the point of global popularity wherein that which is published is exchanged all over the world and thus by virtue of that reach it is changing the world. Thus the quality of that which is published becomes the metric by which to measure one's value that one has offered to the world through publishing on a service that is worldwide popular.

These intricacies are important to consider when a company produces a product or service that so many people use, and whether the brand that they are portraying is actually genuine at the end and in daily practice.

Day 243 - George H.W. Bush Died - After Thoughts

As the ex president George H.W. Bush has passed away 7 months after his long time wife passed in April of this year there have been expectedly many articles within the newspace about his passing, his legacy, his accolades, history, accomplishments, and by somes critique failures or misdoings. I think this is a good time for all who find this event within themselves or see this event as an opportunity to 'expose the real man' within the context of judging what he did or did not do as president of the most powerful nation on earth in modern times, to sit back and reflect on the true cause for somebody to do what he had done in his time, put yourselves in his shoes self-honestly, and contemplate the reasons for why he did what he did. Within this exercise keep it in your mind the principles of equality and oneness when examining his life especially if you find yourself tending to judge his actions, his morals, or his life as whole as far as the value he brought to the world. Also keep in your mind and try to understand that if we as a collective or individually continue to judge one another instead of seeing/realizing the true root or cause for one another's actions then we will never come to an understanding of one another or ourselves because within the principle of equality and oneness we are each other, existing as reflections of one another as references for who we are, and within that we each have a response-ability to act or respond in ways that are founded within these principles, as so doing would create the best consequences for them and ourselves. As long as understanding is missing, as long as we are not harped on coming to an understanding of ourselves and each other, and as long as we are 'hell bent' on taking revenge instead of coming to a solution, agreement, or mutual understanding, then the world will continue as it does to our inevitable demise individually and collectively as a consequence for our failures individual and collective to not take response-ability for our actions, what we create, how we create it, and how that ripples out unto the world.

Instead of judging the man, judge the systems to converged and compelled him to take the steps that he did, to no fault of his own but following what had already been practically laid out and planned for him since birth in a system of survivalism and competition as some sort of God or relgiion.


post on facebook in response to a post based in a judgmental nature regarding the life of George H W Bush :
The problem isn't Bush. Not to diminish the 'crimes' that he committed, but in this economic system he probably did what he did to further his accolades, resume, and pockets. That doesn't necessarily make him a criminal (albeit some of what he did violated international law such as the invasion of Iraq/Kuwait in the early 90's). The problem is the economic incentives that would compel an individual to do such things, directly or indirectly cause the deaths of many people armed or not, and take such actions that he did whether they be deemed 'just' or not. Probably many if not most of the things he did could be defended or justified in many ways using the amalgams that many if not most deem as self evident truths. Such as 'defending one's country'. How does one quantify what 'defending one's country' really entails when the answer is multi-faceted and based on a multidimensional, multifaceted set of factors? Eg. If oil were to be finite and each country had to manifest its own production or acquisition of it, and each country's economies were primarily based on this to keep running efficiently without a complete overhaul or sudden paradigm shift that would wreak havoc on its society, then wouldn't any means necessary to acquire or produce this material be deemed 'defending one's country'? How could not the entire country be deemed responsible for any injustices that occur under its watch? The real problem is the pasttimes handed down, traditions, beliefs, and ideals that many stick to regardless of the evidence of how so doing can create consequences for themselves, their families, their cultures, their countries, and their world as a whole.

When man's law is not directly attributed to and/or derived from 'god's' law there is a disconnect and no real accountability at a micro or macro level for anybody. This must change or else no man can be judged rightly or justly as everything compells him to such, as everybody blindly, tacitly, and drunkenly supports the very system that produces him to be such a way.

Day 242

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to know the direction the bitcoin market price is heading from a short term perspective 1-2 days and where it is headed on the next price swing where the biggest changes in price occur between 1-3 weeks.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize, see, understand, and forecast the direction of the bitcoin market price at any given time especially the biggest price swings.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to know and be absolitely certain of where the bitcoin price is going towards next so that i can ride the wave in my trades in the right direction and make money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear predicting the market di re ction incorrectly and missing out on the huge price swings and therefore the chances to profit greatly.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be absolutely certain and confident within my prediction of where the market is going so that I do not go back on my prediction decision and end up changing it to the wrong prediction or direction due to uncertainty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of making the wrong decision within my trading out of uncertainty and anxiety of what if I am wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of being wrong within my prediction and trading decision on wh ER ebthe price of bitcoin is going next in the next large swing in price.

Day 241

Sticking to the Physical As Guidance

Lately I have gotten back into the groove of creating a sort of movement within myself where I allow myself to take upon physical tasks and move myself to,complete them with relative ease. Within this sort of re-emergence of this ability naturally within and without in my world I have used it to isolate the points which I have avoided, skipped, or delayed as a result of some sort of excuse or justification for why I havent done it. And within this identifying the nature of the excuses created which then preceeded complete inaction and debilitation with regards to those points. Within this I have also identified points that I did not necessarily create a relationship towards in terms of a mental pattern of excuse or physical pattern of resistance or at least was not as aware of the creation but yet still remained inside my environment and had a direct impact on the things I did within it sort of swaying my movements to accomodate. These point also leading to conflicts because it existed as a point of interference with other things getting done or would come to a point of choosing to do one or the other.

A particularly poignant example of this sticks out to me very clearly.  Now within this point it was pretty obvious within my reality how it would effect me and those around me, it did not seem to scream out to me as requiring a solution, but yet would dictate what I could and couldn't do in relation so much so it would create inconvenience and inefficiency within completing tasks around the house. So within this process of reconfiguring my relationship to my environment physically to a point of correction and being solution oriented, points such as this have arised as practical points that have a solution and can be implemented quite simplistically, but yet sort of have slipped by as relevant points of intervention but yet the notion of applying such an intervention or solution wasn't at the forefront in the first place even while being confronted with the consequences of not doing anything. It only came to the forefront whenever I delved into doing a task I dont usually do that made this point more immediately relevant and screamed out as needing a solution.

This particular point occurred as a result of my drive, nature, and essence for things in my environment to be orderly. So for example what this exact point involved was the following:

One day recently I started to move myself very deliberately to get things done around the house involving organizing things, putting things in their place, cleaning up trash, completing everyday tasks and requirements for living, and completing things that I have procrastinated on or didn't fully realize the importance of. One of the things was something that I have noticed has been a point that bothers me but yet seems to not get corrected by me or those that live with me. This was the point of the garden hose always either being tangled up, strewn all over the ground, always developing kinks, or always being utilized in ways that got in the way or inhibited other tasks from getting done. Specifically it was the use of the garden hose in relation to the outside clothes washer which required a hose attached to be connected 25-70 ft away from the washer depending on which spicket was used.

Now the nature of how the hose was connected, which hose was used, and where it was connected had an impact on how I could conduct other tasks including washing the clothes. In which the completion of these tasks without any deterrants or inconveniences would knowingly reinforce and support getting my physical into the habit of productivity, movement, and correction immediately so that I can reconfigure how my physical approaches completing tasks or doing physical work so that there is not a point of lingering, procrastination, resistance, but instead just movement, action, and results which yields the physical result, the physical awareness required within the act, and the accumulative awareness as a result of doing many physical tasks, the confidence that builds as a result of doing them, and the satisfaction of being productive which accumulates along with the self confidence as a result of doing them consistently as I improve upon my execution incrementally while self referencing what I am self honestly capable of and in what capacity)

So I got to this point of the garden hose and me wanting to have it not running across the yard, tangled up, or occupied in times where I need to use it as it was intended. So I spiraled up the hose into a neat circle that I was satisfied with. Then I came up with a solution right then of how I was going to avoid having to use it in a way that I did not intend which was to supply water to our washer outside which involved running it 70 ft across the lawn, eliminating its front of house ease of access, and keeping it out of the neat circle that I wanted it in. That solution was to substitute this hose with another and connect the other to a different water spout more conveniently located near the washer. All in all solving several problems and/or accomplishing several things at once ie.

1. Isolating a hose to be used specifically for such task of supplying water to washer that doesn't have to be turned on and off constantly
2. Free up extended hose with nozzle for intended tasks around the yard/house
3. Eliminate the eyesore of a hose running around the house into the backyard for purpose of supplying water to the washer
4. Eliminate the need to avoid or to move a hose while in such use in order to mow the grass
5. Streamlined the process of washing clothes as a dedicated hose is supplying water that does not need to be used for anything else thus not requiring moving, unhooking, or transporting such hose for any other use or does it need to be shut off

What I Learned:

I showed myself that I can come up with a very simplistic solution for a problem that presents itself and that such a solution with the corrective physical action will actually make a substantial difference in how work is conducted in relation to the subjects at hand making them more efficient, easier, and more organized.

I showed myself that sometimes the most simple things and perhaps the most easily accepted as 'the paradigm to work around' can be changed completely around relatively simply and easily and that that change can make a substantial difference in how things are conducted within and around the paradigm in a way that exudes, perpetuates, and promotes the qualities embodied within the solution itself so that those qualities can live through the continuing participants of the paradigm and those involved in it. (complicated way of saying that I showed myself that sometimes a solution can be so simple, seem so menial in its significance, yet have such a profound impact, all the while the mere awareness that there was a problem existing in the first place being faint at best, not realizing the extent of the impact it actually had on me in reality by accepting the problem as 'the way it is', thus all of which making the seemingly menial problem/solution that much more significant invidually, collectively, and existentially.

I learned that I still have the capacity for great change and paradigm shifts because of the reality of how I was able to in a single moment come up with a solution to a problem, implement the solution, and see to it that it in fact worked as intended.

New Topic:

RT for some reason those letters are 'popping out' to my eyes right now. So after the letters RT started sticking out in my vision in almost a hypnotizing way sort of like when im writing and suddenly I start staring deeply at a word as if it is 'an entire fucken universe' as Bernard Poolman described when he was discussing the process of writing and knowing 'when youre getting somewhere' ..."single words are like an entire Fuckin universe.. That's when you know youre getting somewhere". So in this case I was staring intensely at the letters R and T beside each other on my phone keyboard. As I was staring intensely at these two letters on my keyboard without intent and only by happenstance in the moment involuntarily, I began to ponder....why R and T? Is there some sort of sign or message within this? So then I began to assemble ideas such as RT being an acronym or abbreviation for some sort of sign relevant to my process in this world within self honesty. E.g. Right Time? For something in my life? RT like Russia Today? Am I supposed to read Russia Today or do they have some sort of significance in process that may actually potentially involve me or should involve me? ie. Writing for them was what came to mind. Then I started pondering their macro significance in the world of news, propaganda, and public relations.

Sometimes whenever I get focused on writing or reading things I get this feeling that I am habitually disconnected to the world issues of importance and or my role within it, and that my everyday occupations, pursuits, desires, and routines mostly serve to keep me pre occupied with menial pursuits but yet my purpose or even my responsibility holds much more for me yet in the habituality of it all, it all seems so natural and right, only seeing the meniality and nature of preoccupation or only seeing my everyday norm in such lights after I get super focused on writing, which in itself is usually out of the ordinary lately and usually only when I'm getting 'high' with attention focusing drugs.

Day 240 - Practically Best For All?

What is living What is best for all as what is best for self practically? How does one go about it? Is it an ethereal thing or is it simply practical physical actions breath by breath? Is it an ethereal process of ascension or is it simply breathing here moment by moment taking practical action breath by breath? Is this accompanied by a record that can be seen by all to show the evidence of what's been walked practically such as a blog or online journal?

Day 239 - Best For All

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of doing what is best for all in self honesty as oneness and equality lived.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of what is best for all practically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of taking a stand for myself as what is best for all practically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of taking a necessary action that is best for all out of fear that I will be missing something or will be ruining the only chance I had disguised as something I felt to be what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of missing out on something in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear committing and practically walking the commitment to what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of taking chances and taking risks regarding venturing into unchartered waters and venturing into new experiences of myself even though they may seem unorthodox, not picture perfect ideal scenarios conjured in my mind as projections of what I desire as the fulfillment of those pictures, and may only serve a temporary purpose or to provide a temporary bridge to eventually allow the best possible scenarios to come to reality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of standing my ground and not letting others run all over me, abuse me because its convenient for them at the time, and take their frustrations and anger out on me because its convenient for them at the time because its easier for some to place blame instead of take responsibility for what is best for all or self honest in the moment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of going against my ready made plans for something that is self honestly best for all even if the realization that it is, is unexpected or spontaneous and not planned.

Day 239 -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build and create resistances to making phone calls as a result of imagining speaking with timidness and fear in the sound of my voice , imagining that they can hear that timidness and fear in my voice, and fearing how it would make me feel if that were to happen and what they would think of me in that moment or how that might disrupt their comfortability in that moment or comfortability or confidence in me or with me in general, and fearing that doing so would amplify this timidness and fear sound in my,voice in future phone calls.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of taking a chance and making a phone call on the whim that would be daring.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instantly imagine the case of failure as fear, shyness, and timidness coming through the sound of,my voice while speaking on the phone after tho king about making a specific phone call.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear and resistance to making a regular phone call that is a part of my business and necessary in my business or necessary in the formation of another business.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel,insecure around groups and groups of men, feeling that they are judging me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of making a daring phone sales cold call where I dont know what would happen in that call as it would be a mystery, and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that that call would go bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of being honest with myself around others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of hurting others in conversation or group conversations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of making a bad impression with somebody in person or on the phone because I'm too high to communicate effectively because i let myself be timid at some point within talking to others beforehand whether it was them or someone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the the thought ' I can't talk on the phone right now'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the emotion of fear and fright connected to the imagination of talking on the phone coupled with the thought ' I can't talk on the phone anymore, I lost my confidence '

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed

Day 238 - The Problem With The "Free" Market

The first compelling thing you probably noticed in the title that gave you a rough idea of one of the points I could be attempting to make within this blog post is that the "free" market is not "free" in the true sense of the word. And you would be right. Now the way that this was implied was pretty clear was it not? Hence the quotations to indicate a sort of pseudo essence or reality of the word(s) in  context right? Now the question arises would you have understood this nuanced subtlety of style in conveying a point if you had not been raised or taught in school that "this means this". The answer would be simply no because there would be no background or frame of reference other than the technical reference for what the punctuation signifies in common writing for you to make an inference about a potential point to be made or explored within the body of this writing. So therefore your background essentially determined your "freedom" in this instance whereas your "freedom" is essentially the quality of your framework.. Now this framework for which you have been programmed with to eventually put everything you see, hear, and taste within it in order to make sense of it, does not embody freedom within and of itself. It is subject to many factors that could,make it much less free in comparison to others ie. Crucial words, concepts, and illustrations could have been missing which inhibited you from coming to a very basic logical conclusion on a simple yet important topic. This does not equal freedom regardless. This is more like freedom=dependent or =entirely dependent on the quality, thoracity, and flexibility for which the framework was constructed wherein the,subject will always be bound by these parameters unless he she makes moves,on their own to,expand. All of these situations create clear defined boundaries, mesh points, glue points, and ultimately future outcomes which can be predicted to a T given that it is based on an initial all encompassing design to start with wherein this design clearly creates the future of its subjects in every way conceivable since everything those subjects see, feel, speak, touch, and interact with is based upon that initial framework with all of it flaws and all of its perfections.

This is exactly why and how there is no real "free" market in fact because all of its participants are perceivably conducting "free choice" are actually only seeing, acting, and choosing within the framework with which they were designed which actually indicates that every "free choice" can be predictably programmed to occur in exact specificity every time on time. This is not real "free choice". If a mentally challenged low iq person were challenged with some hard math problems and were not able to answer them correctly, was that their choice that they chose to be mentally challenged and get it wrong? No. It was simply an outflow of the framework in which they were brought up with, and lies in this is the discrepancy between frameworks because they are not created equal. Essentially the inequality of these frameworks collectively is what decides that there is no such thing as freedom as the discrepancy between your styles and movements is preprogrammed to keep ypu divided. And if human beings are not Equal in all ways then they cannot be free because the inequality in their initial framework structures will divide and conquer every free choice as if these battles are filled with honorable conviction based on "real" stuff. All is just preprogrammed bullshit.

Now we have talked,about how people that are not equal in their framework design in quality, thoracity, and effectiveness leads to everything becoming precisely predictable down to a T. As long as there are discrepancies in the quality given towards each piece of,the network, there remains inequality in The totality of the design. And as long inequality is existent within even a fraction of the framework, there will be no free choices.

If the market is built upon groups of people and those groups of people have been preprogrammed with all sorts of,various,levels,of,vocabulary math acne business,avumen, etc. Then you essentially have inequality that is self perpetuating. And each signatory of allowance expresses the next version of separation very well. And each point of separation serves as the precursor for the next.

Thus overall we see the consequences of denial in practice as every outflow that leads one to conclude on a very rudimentary level that this predesign is the law and truth of the land as the appearance of inequality as fact when it actually is the law of equality in action showing that for every action there is an equal and proportionate reaction.

Day 237 - Insecurity

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel embarrassed for being seen with Lisa thinking that people either think she is my mom and that in a wuss or that I'm weird and she's,my girlfriend.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel embarassed by Lisa in public for the non conventioniality of our relationship and how she acts in public.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of being seen in public with L.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of having positive interaction and influence with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for staying with Lisa.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of,positive interaction with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought pattern of whenever and during thinking of going out and getting a job or just imagining myself doing things freely without fear in that instant suppress that imagination with the feeling of imobility, inadequacy, and insecurity, feeling like a dead weight is in my stomach and chest during that instant as an instant sort of response to the thought or imagination of being with Lisa and instantly feeling this dead weight to the thought of her, in turn suppressing my environment and imagination of me,moving myself to do something good for my future.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel deeply sorry for myself and my circumstance, expression, and experience of myself. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the placement of blame onto others, ie. My partner and my partners children for how I experience myself, my level of well being,and level of self expression doing the things i want to do. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the resistance to taking action that is best for all in my life now at this juncture, and moment in time. 

Day 236 - Attention Deficit as an Addiction

KI've noticed this point within my mind as an observation of how frequently I can get sucked into this perpetuating state of going from one point, activity, or action to another. Almost as if in the center of it is this profound deep indecisiveness and within that the idea that I'm lost, dont know what I'm doing, or confused as to where I should be focusing my efforts even if it is or actually especially if its an activity on my phone where there seems to be an insurmountable amount of possibilities of 'what I could be doing' and within this there is an uncertainty, doubt, feeling, or experience that I don't know what to focus on in that moment or the next. Its likened to a kid in a candy store who is obsessed with sweetness like walking into Willy wonkas chocolate factory and being overwhelmed with the possibilities of each offering jumping one from the next because 'trying them all' is more attractive. I've noticed that this is actually a point within itself within the mind where we each have this tendency almost as if it is an addiction to devour bites of many different things in order to satiate our thirst for 'it alll' but really actually is an addiction to limitation using the attention deficit as an excuse therefore becoming addicted to the process of allowing the attention deficit because it upholds our limitation which we are addicted to in itself. Not realizing that 'it all' is inside of us and thus we are or can be the point of that which we are seeking through these attention deficits. And that 'it all' is revealed, discovered, lived, and developed within 'one point' as the submersion of ourselves within that one point totally as who we are is that which can lead to the greatest insights and fulfillment of all of our desires because within that submersion we realize that all is one and that all of that which we are seeking is already here as ourselves within aspects of that focus, submersion, envelopment, and engulfment within that one point because that is how we realize equality through becoming equal and one to,that,one point. This reveals the greatest insight that all is one and equal where you find the one, you will find the many as the ultimate realization of self lies within the one equal to all existing as all forevermore. And that is the point of self,forgiveness, to become equal and one to,the points which we have separated ourselves from which currently exist as a reality of all of us as manifested separation. And this happens one at a time.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to focus on one point or activity instead of,jumping from one to another.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of,missing out on something different when it arises as something different from what I am currently doing as exploring the,next thing that arises habitually gets me nowhere with any one of them in a substantial way.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise, and understand that breath is the key to focus, is nourishment for my body, and the equalizer to all things.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to lay and set a foundation that is me for which I can use to know how to act in any moment.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and live the realization that me as a foundation is the only foundation I will ever have.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that attention to breathing four counts in hold four counts and out four counts is the most effective way to stabilize myself within focus as that continuous focus on that one singular point which is equality as the physical is that which allows me to discover 'it all' and focus on other things and direct my life instead of wandering around in my head my whole life.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise, and understand that all good things are possible within focusing on the singular point of breath and then expressing, walking, and moving as and within that same force and immense source of strength that is attention to breathing where then it becomes a natural flow within its own momentum where then the benefits are able to be seen consistently thus creating, grafting, and conjuring 'more' within my life, my potential, and my self expression thus affecting self change, self movement, and ultimately self realization as equality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of my mind running from one thing to the next not realizing that this in a way stems from a point of expectation for this pattern thus serving to create this pattern.

SF on Drugs as it relates to Experiences in the Mind

I forgive myself,that i have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself the power and responsibility to stop using drugs as a form of escape.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that the after effects of drugs are only minutely chemical in most cases and much more based on expectation especially in the case of psychoactive drugs.

I forgive myself that i have accepted,and allowed myself to want to gain an experience from drugs instead of applying them as a bridge in certain moments and I forgive myself that,i have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that even in those cases the belief that 'theres something to it' and the expectation that it will change how I experience myself is more determinant to its effects than anything else and thus the continuity of the delusion that 'something will come' or 'i gain something' or ' I will feel something' as a result of this is more determinant in creating those things even though they exist within the mind and thus are not real as any experience created while on drugs or any drug that changes how you act is not a real experience and is only created as a side effect for submitting to the delusion that it is real when it is not thus indicating that since it is not real in fact the delusion is created by virtue of participating within ones mind as self dishonesty ultimately creating the delusion ones self is really doing anything of value by doing the drug instead of the drug itself creating the delusion which is commonly believed, but in reality the giving creedance to something overvalued, overhyped, overstated, and overly praised as something of true value is that which creates the delusion as the experience within the drug, as the delusion manifests stronger and or in a  particular way througn l overhyping, overvalueing, and overstating the mind, the drug existing as physical cross reference for overstatement thus self is creating the experience by virtue of its definition surrounding the drug  rather than the actual effects of the drug which can only be seen in a physical dimension here as real physical side effects - and in those cases it is only real because the delusion conjured the conditions of thoughts, emotions, and feelings within the,mind that ultimately create the physical effects. as the delusion is spawned by virtue of giving something that is not real that others or society as whole have given value to, value to.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how experiences are created through the mind within using drugs and not created by the drugs themselves.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise, and understand the value that drugs bring from a realistic point of view as, sometimes a catalyst for change and thus can be implemented as such but not habitually as it is only really a delusion in the end within the idea that we 'need delusion' which is untrue.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to overlay and overstate the value of drugs within my mind as some form of bridge to enlightenment and a key to self realisation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the belief that drugs in general or certain drugs in general are good and should be used occassionaly not realizing that that occassional usage in the context where one does not need it as a bridge and is only inflating themselves with mind experience is a greater form of limitation acceptance than all else as every deviation from taking responsibility for filling ones self up by ones own accord and opting for an external point to do it for them is a form of disempowerment. And or especially opting for the drug to automatically 'do the work for you' with. as a form of substituting ones own responsibility to do  that for ones self and instead hoping the drug will do it, make them do it, push them to do it,  In this context the pushing can be useful in moments or certain contexts to facillitate a deviation from mechanical patterns that we automate ourselves with but still should not have any effect on us at all if we are being self honest.

Day 235 - Procrastination and Laziness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put off doing the things that I need to do in order to be happy and progressing in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate or delay that which makes me happy inside myself and gives me a sense of well being.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear of making the wrong decision not realizing that no matter what I do or decide to do I remain and will always have me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of making a wrong decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of making a wrong or bad decision to inhibit me from doing something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of what I have accepted and allowed in me and outside me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my,own self expression at the moment as bad evil a destroyer and no good.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of regret for what I have allowed and accepted within my life and my relationships.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise, and understand the full consequences and ramifications for allowing people to be,in my life that do not serve to help make me,a better person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted,and,allowed the fear of,what,others are,thinking about,me that they are hiding in secret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought and belief that I have to and eventually inevitably will submit to the system as school, politics, religion, and economics in their current form.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of temptation into that which I believe to bind me further to limitation not realizing that I am my own maker and creator thus only I can do that and what I do or choose in a moments time does not define the totality of me in all ways here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to incessantly fear and apprehend a reaction to everything that i do and partake in.

I commit myself to become through practice being a decisive person who acts in the moment as what is best for self and others.

I commit myself to learn hoe to program myself effectively to represent and,exemplify the utmost best in each as all as one as me.

I commit myself to break free from the relationships within my immediate reality that represent limitation, fear, self compromise, insecurity, and self abuse and self sabotage.

I commit myself to design the groundwork for my life as making possible for me to reach and experience my utmost potential as the best version of me possible.

Day 234

I was experiencing a lot of anxiety and discomfort within myself just not too long ago but I'm settling down now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the the thought ' I am useless and worthless'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what my,family thinks of me and within that perceiving that my family looks down upon me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of not having a comfort zone that I can rely on and fall back on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of making a change within myself within self honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that i am not good enough for life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to love and accept myself for who I am unconditionally for that is the only way to really change who I am.

Day 233

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the thought I am,not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought 'life is too hard'.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the thought 'life is a blessing in disguise'.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the thought 'lifes a bitch and then you die'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of retaliation from our neighbors for ignoring them sometimes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear and the resistance to writing and speaking self forgiveness or one of or,the other more often.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of speaking the truth for all to hear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge where my,mind goes and moves while high because I know im high

and self,conscious about being high and how my mind moves while high.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the truth of myself, what I am, what ive become, and what I'm living that is not of the best of me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to dread getting up in the morning to tend to a responsibility or a task that i have assigned to myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure while high because of being self conscious while high.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear jobs and being around people as a part of my job.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not having accumulated more money in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a radical change in myself, my environment, or my relationships in order to get to self,honesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of what people think of me and Lisa as a couple or just friends.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to count on others taking care of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing the things that need to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the emotion of insecurity to arise when thinking or imagining about conversing with people or to arise when I'm about to or actually am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am a homosexual because of how my girlfriend kinda looks manly at times.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of being self sufficient and self reliant.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of making a wrong decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of who I am whil

e high.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear that my self confidence will deteriorate so extensively that I will become just nothing.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of,doing the wrong,thing moment to moment.

I forgive,myself that i have accepted and,allowed myself,to judge,myself and be critical of,myself or worry about what other people are going to think while im high and wonder if they will notice a difference in my behavior and movement not realizing,that my wonder,and,timidness with being noticed as acting different actually is what makes me act different.

I forgive myself that I have not,accepted,and,allowed myself to see, realise, and understand that doing drugs is like jacking off.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear drugs making me stupid literally.

I forgive myself that,i have accepted and allowed,myself to believe that I have to accept being with a low iq partner due to her stroke.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and,allowed,the,fear,that,i will become,more,stupid as,a,result,of,just being,around her. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about money, jobs, career, my destiny and my future. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about not,having a,regular job and not actively participating in my own business. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of,making a needed change in my reality. 

Day 232

I forgive myself that I have accepted and,allowed myself to submit to temptations because its easy to submit when I have created a pattern of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of stopping myself in moments of decision that have results and consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of making a self honest decision in a moment or moments of decision where that decision has consequences.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of stopping myself from giving into temptation where I know in the moment of decision has an effect and a consequence.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing the wrong thing in a moment not realizing that that fear and uncertainty derives from choosing self dishonesty over self honesty over and over.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of reaching back out to people that can be supportive and helpful.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to incessantly worry about others, what others do, and how they feel instead of focusing on myself and within that understanding that focusing on myself results in the best outcome for all even when focusing on myself may entail directing or helping or supporting others in a moment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of giving into temptation in a moment of decision towards change.

Day 231

Today has been really hectic and a real draining experience. Like the quintessential 'weight of energy' type of experience for a good part of the day. Which started after going to a store to buy a particular item and then leaving without it because of a mistake my,partner made which I reacted towards her in the expectation that she would get angry and I would have to witness yet another hissy fit for her own misdoing so I jumped the gun and immediately pointed out that it was her fault in the expectation that I would have to deal with a sore attitude from her as if it had anything to do with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place blame onto my partner for things she does wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to put up with a shorty attitude from a woman ever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to attack someome before they attack me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am god.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to beleive that I am Jesus.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to post emotional things on social media in attempts to gain some sort of attention or copy other attention seeking behavior from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be very careless about what I post onto facebook.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to post things onto facebook and social media very carefully as to not include emotional bullshit.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realise and understand that what I post onto facebook does have an impact on what I manifest into my day to day life with real consequences.

Day 229

Today I wanted to come here to reaffirm my commitment to writing my blog as a means for self support. I notice that one of the things that stops me at times is feeling like I can't say my forgiveness out loud in front of my partner because it feels awkward sometimes and id rather be alone when doing it since this process is about me and me alone. But nevertheless I need to write one regardless of things that are 'stopping me' such as 'other people' which is not true and just an excuse from my mind trying to keep me enslaved to its power instead of asserting my power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought my partner is keeping me from writing blogs because I don't feel comfortable saying my forgiveness out loud in her presence'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought my girlfriend is keeping me from me expanding myself because shes not doing self forgiveness out loud in front of me and therefore I dont feel comfortable doing it out loud in front of her.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the thought I have to say my forgiveness out loud in front of her or else it is not real and I might as well not do it at all if I can't do it in her presence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought I can't do my process living with somebody who is not doing process also.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought I can't do process if it doesnt look like what I want it to look like.

I commit myself to continue writing my blog and doing my process regardless of what others do think or say because at the end of the day or beginning I know that it helps me.

I commit myself to walk through all excuses that I can derive from my mind as reasons to not do the things that help me.

I commit myself to integrate my pocess and change onto my blog as a simplified and easier method to accomplish my goal of being more consistent and reaping the effects and rewards from uploading my process onto the global mind which is the internet.

I commit myself to not allow people to abuse me and therefore discourage my application.

I commit myself to take my power back and if need be abuse those that abuse me whenever I know that what I stand as and for is what is best for all - and realise that I can only be confident of this whenever I am being consistent in my application.

Day 228

I haven't posted a blog in what seems,like quite a while,so I figured I would do this to support myself. I think I get distracted with all the emotions, conflicts, and stresses of life and start feeling like things are not working for me. Which is usually whenever I start to fall off on writing blogs even when it actually may be the falling off on writing blogs that is the cause for feeling so down, depressed, worried, anxious, fearful, and generally just becoming numb to life itself. I mean I already know that I feel better, am better, and have much more of a sense of well being whenever I write my blogs. It gives me a renewed feeling of purpose that gives me life and keeps me going towards the mystery of life. I think one of the reasons I become discouraged at times about writing my blogs consistently is that sometimes I don't like who I am within them, feeling like I'm writing from ego as this big know it all personality. Amd when I feel like thats who I am in the blogs I write I feel discouraged about writing them because thats not who I want to be or to live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for who I am within moments of my life as a result of decisions I make that are not what is best for all and thus I judge myself for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for who I am within my blogs and what my words reveal as who I am within life as the words that I am living in separation from me as separation from that which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny and or forget about my purpose in this life as doing that which is best for all which includes writing blogs daily cataloging my process of self honesty and self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realise and understand the importance of cataloging my process within a blog as the evidence that I am taking self responsibility for me and my creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the process of others and their self honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear leaving others or ending a relationship in a way that is mutually considerate and respectful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the fear and worries of others.

I commit myself to remind myself the relevance and importance for my sake and mine only that I write my blog cataloging my process and commitment to correction as that which is best for all because it is a crucial part of my purpose on earth that I leave a verifiable record of care.

Day 227

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that i have no self confidence.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the belief that I need things outside of me to be self confident.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the thought "I am no good, useless, and worthless".

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the thought " I can survive homeless".

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the thought " I can become rich from being homeless because I will then push myself to do anything necessary and wint be relying on anybody but myself"

I forgive myself that. I have accepted and allowed the thought "I am not capable of making any money".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "exuding self confidence is too hard"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought " I hate this world and life in general"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "this world sucks".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought " I will not succeed in business".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "I hate this financial system and all that goes with it"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my abilities, my potential, and character as not good enough to make it in this world and be successful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted anf allowed myself to judge myself as less than and compare myself to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my value and the value I offer to the world as less than or greater than others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am greater than others or less than others based on my level of self confidence and how much money I have.

I forgive myself that I have acceoted and allowed myself to elevate myself into a position of superiority based on the fact that I'm applying self forgiveness believing that that makes me greater than others.

Day 226

Today has been exciting. I found out my investment in a crypto currency has yielded 86 x my intitial investment. Turns out it is quite a bit less than I thought considering I bought it a lot later than I thought I had which it had gone up in price much more than if I had bought it a week or 2 earlier. It still has a lot of potential to go up quite a bit in the next coming months and even years. It might be smart to just let it sit. The same goes for almost all of these crypto because if its like Bitcoin a few years of holding could lead to well over 1000x your initial investment as in the case with Bitcoin. But if you had bought bitcoin back in 2010 when it was trading at cents or less than a cent then you could have made 237000 x your initial investment if you then sold at its highest mark yet at $20,000.