Day 237 - Insecurity

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel embarrassed for being seen with Lisa thinking that people either think she is my mom and that in a wuss or that I'm weird and she's,my girlfriend.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel embarassed by Lisa in public for the non conventioniality of our relationship and how she acts in public.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of being seen in public with L.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of having positive interaction and influence with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for staying with Lisa.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of,positive interaction with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought pattern of whenever and during thinking of going out and getting a job or just imagining myself doing things freely without fear in that instant suppress that imagination with the feeling of imobility, inadequacy, and insecurity, feeling like a dead weight is in my stomach and chest during that instant as an instant sort of response to the thought or imagination of being with Lisa and instantly feeling this dead weight to the thought of her, in turn suppressing my environment and imagination of me,moving myself to do something good for my future.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel deeply sorry for myself and my circumstance, expression, and experience of myself. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the placement of blame onto others, ie. My partner and my partners children for how I experience myself, my level of well being,and level of self expression doing the things i want to do. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the resistance to taking action that is best for all in my life now at this juncture, and moment in time.