Wednesday, July 4, 2018

Day 236 - Attention Deficit as an Addiction

KI've noticed this point within my mind as an observation of how frequently I can get sucked into this perpetuating state of going from one point, activity, or action to another. Almost as if in the center of it is this profound deep indecisiveness and within that the idea that I'm lost, dont know what I'm doing, or confused as to where I should be focusing my efforts even if it is or actually especially if its an activity on my phone where there seems to be an insurmountable amount of possibilities of 'what I could be doing' and within this there is an uncertainty, doubt, feeling, or experience that I don't know what to focus on in that moment or the next. Its likened to a kid in a candy store who is obsessed with sweetness like walking into Willy wonkas chocolate factory and being overwhelmed with the possibilities of each offering jumping one from the next because 'trying them all' is more attractive. I've noticed that this is actually a point within itself within the mind where we each have this tendency almost as if it is an addiction to devour bites of many different things in order to satiate our thirst for 'it alll' but really actually is an addiction to limitation using the attention deficit as an excuse therefore becoming addicted to the process of allowing the attention deficit because it upholds our limitation which we are addicted to in itself. Not realizing that 'it all' is inside of us and thus we are or can be the point of that which we are seeking through these attention deficits. And that 'it all' is revealed, discovered, lived, and developed within 'one point' as the submersion of ourselves within that one point totally as who we are is that which can lead to the greatest insights and fulfillment of all of our desires because within that submersion we realize that all is one and that all of that which we are seeking is already here as ourselves within aspects of that focus, submersion, envelopment, and engulfment within that one point because that is how we realize equality through becoming equal and one to,that,one point. This reveals the greatest insight that all is one and equal where you find the one, you will find the many as the ultimate realization of self lies within the one equal to all existing as all forevermore. And that is the point of self,forgiveness, to become equal and one to,the points which we have separated ourselves from which currently exist as a reality of all of us as manifested separation. And this happens one at a time.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to focus on one point or activity instead of,jumping from one to another.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of,missing out on something different when it arises as something different from what I am currently doing as exploring the,next thing that arises habitually gets me nowhere with any one of them in a substantial way.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise, and understand that breath is the key to focus, is nourishment for my body, and the equalizer to all things.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to lay and set a foundation that is me for which I can use to know how to act in any moment.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and live the realization that me as a foundation is the only foundation I will ever have.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that attention to breathing four counts in hold four counts and out four counts is the most effective way to stabilize myself within focus as that continuous focus on that one singular point which is equality as the physical is that which allows me to discover 'it all' and focus on other things and direct my life instead of wandering around in my head my whole life.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise, and understand that all good things are possible within focusing on the singular point of breath and then expressing, walking, and moving as and within that same force and immense source of strength that is attention to breathing where then it becomes a natural flow within its own momentum where then the benefits are able to be seen consistently thus creating, grafting, and conjuring 'more' within my life, my potential, and my self expression thus affecting self change, self movement, and ultimately self realization as equality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of my mind running from one thing to the next not realizing that this in a way stems from a point of expectation for this pattern thus serving to create this pattern.

SF on Drugs as it relates to Experiences in the Mind

I forgive myself,that i have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself the power and responsibility to stop using drugs as a form of escape.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that the after effects of drugs are only minutely chemical in most cases and much more based on expectation especially in the case of psychoactive drugs.

I forgive myself that i have accepted,and allowed myself to want to gain an experience from drugs instead of applying them as a bridge in certain moments and I forgive myself that,i have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that even in those cases the belief that 'theres something to it' and the expectation that it will change how I experience myself is more determinant to its effects than anything else and thus the continuity of the delusion that 'something will come' or 'i gain something' or ' I will feel something' as a result of this is more determinant in creating those things even though they exist within the mind and thus are not real as any experience created while on drugs or any drug that changes how you act is not a real experience and is only created as a side effect for submitting to the delusion that it is real when it is not thus indicating that since it is not real in fact the delusion is created by virtue of participating within ones mind as self dishonesty ultimately creating the delusion ones self is really doing anything of value by doing the drug instead of the drug itself creating the delusion which is commonly believed, but in reality the giving creedance to something overvalued, overhyped, overstated, and overly praised as something of true value is that which creates the delusion as the experience within the drug, as the delusion manifests stronger and or in a  particular way througn l overhyping, overvalueing, and overstating the mind, the drug existing as physical cross reference for overstatement thus self is creating the experience by virtue of its definition surrounding the drug  rather than the actual effects of the drug which can only be seen in a physical dimension here as real physical side effects - and in those cases it is only real because the delusion conjured the conditions of thoughts, emotions, and feelings within the,mind that ultimately create the physical effects. as the delusion is spawned by virtue of giving something that is not real that others or society as whole have given value to, value to.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how experiences are created through the mind within using drugs and not created by the drugs themselves.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise, and understand the value that drugs bring from a realistic point of view as, sometimes a catalyst for change and thus can be implemented as such but not habitually as it is only really a delusion in the end within the idea that we 'need delusion' which is untrue.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to overlay and overstate the value of drugs within my mind as some form of bridge to enlightenment and a key to self realisation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the belief that drugs in general or certain drugs in general are good and should be used occassionaly not realizing that that occassional usage in the context where one does not need it as a bridge and is only inflating themselves with mind experience is a greater form of limitation acceptance than all else as every deviation from taking responsibility for filling ones self up by ones own accord and opting for an external point to do it for them is a form of disempowerment. And or especially opting for the drug to automatically 'do the work for you' with. as a form of substituting ones own responsibility to do  that for ones self and instead hoping the drug will do it, make them do it, push them to do it,  In this context the pushing can be useful in moments or certain contexts to facillitate a deviation from mechanical patterns that we automate ourselves with but still should not have any effect on us at all if we are being self honest.

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