Day 84

So today I had the same 'jump' experience whenever my roommate came into my presence again. I didn't have it whenever he first came into the house when I was eating but then whenever I was outside sitting on the couch he came outside and this 'jump' like 'jumpy with fear' thing happened again. Whenever I was talking to him there was like this feeling in my solarplexus not like a constriction like where I couldn't breathe but like it was 'mustering' energy or 'festering'. And within this is sort of a 'constriction' within the breathing but not full on like I've experienced at other points. This experience was more like breaths would come and go like all of the sudden I would breath in deep and breathe out because its not coming natural to breathe in 4 counts and let out 4 counts. Its like my breath is 'sitting' in my chest/solarplexus and coming out every now and then.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my roommate in anger whenever he is giving me a lecture about something.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anger when and as I see that my roommate is showing me that there is a problem with the living quarters.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my roommates' subversive tactics for showing me there is a problem with the living quarters.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my roommates reaction to something that's been done or hasn't been done in the living quarters.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be 'startled' or 'jumpy' whenever I sense that my roommmate has a problem with something to do with me or what I have or haven't done in the living quarters.