Day 79

Tonight I’m feeling really shitty. When I was at Flagler Tavern I was in bathroom and a song came on that usually gives me these feelings of energy and this time it did it. I tried to avoid it but it just happened automatically like I couldn’t do anything to stop it. The association was built in layers with various thoughts and activation of these feelings to create the automatic response to the song with these feelings again. Again all feelings that arise due to music is nostalgia based. So its like ‘oh I relate to that song’ and ‘oh that song strikes a chord within me’ and ‘the song is meaningful’. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of the activation of feelings while listening to music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the concept of nostalgia to build up associations of energy towards certain songs and tonalities within music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the idea of nostalgic songs activating certain feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use and abuse the feelings associated with certain tonalities and meanings of songs to give me a thrill rush.