Day 68

Today after work I went to the Papa Johns to apply for a job there. I got this eerie feeling regarding one of the women who works there as a delivery driver. For some reason I was compelled to look in her direction whenever she came into my presence. It was if I was sensing something about her just being in her presence and I knew that she represents something in my environment that maybe I have denied or ignored. My initial impression or reaction towards this woman was that of her being ‘nasty’, ‘spiteful’, ‘psychopathic’, ‘depressed’, and ‘sociopathic’. There was this sort of conjecture that my presence was somehow a threat to her presence there and ‘she knew it’. ‘She would go to great ends to see that I disappear there’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge women based on ideas of human nature and human spitefulness instead of seeing that they too exist within the system of the mind which all human beings exist within and display characteristics similar to each other in varying degrees.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the judgment of the woman at Papa John’s to the point where I feel that she ‘poses a threat’ to my happiness and well being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of female spitefulness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of building a life with a female that will satisfy my desire for a healthy relationship to the physical body and therefore to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of doing what is best for all within the context of physical relationships of sex and agreements.