Day 76

I lost a lot of my writings for the past week or so because I forgot to save the word document on my computer. Today I went to breakfast with C and that was fun. Then I wanted to go do something today with someone but that didn’t end up happening as I sort of went through a mini tantrum while speaking with my mother on the phone where all of the sudden my breath started becoming short while talking to her to the point where I started to become agitated just speaking to her. Not sure if me speaking to her and the nature of the conversation was what was getting me agitated or if it was something else in some other relationship that was taking place or occurring that was causing that experience. The nature of the conversation was sort of limited in the sense that she first off was wondering if I had gotten a text message about a house she found on Zillow for rent and as I was looking at it and telling her I thought it looked cool she kept telling me about how I should contact her. For some reason through and towards the end of the conversation I was just agitated and experiencing myself as stifled in my breath and experiencing myself as less than I know I am. I’m not sure if that was due to the nature of the conversation and her telling me how to contact her as if I was unable to do such a thing or figure out such a thing or if it was like I said, something going awry in another relationship of mine.

I did all that writing earlier and instead of going outside for a cigarette I decided to fall back asleep so I’ve pretty much been sleeping most of the day including earlier today. Its kind of disheartening sometimes like you know that feeling whenever you’ve been sleeping too much in the morning or when you sleep during the day and you feel like you’ve been missing out on something. That’s the kind of disheartening feeling I get sometimes whenever I do this. But overall other than that my day has been pretty decent. After I did all that writing I felt much more calm and stable within myself like I had gotten all that stuff out and my experience was much more fluid.