Day 150 - Living Words

In the beginning was the word, and the word was God, and the word was with god.

So in using this statement and the implication thereof wherein within the statement implies that words are 'almighty' and have 'almighty' power and the concept of God being 'everything' and within 'God being everything ' also inferring that 'words are everything'

Within this...

I commit myself to use my words to create myself in the image of that which is good.

I commit myself to use my words within realizing that I create my life and my total existence based on my words.

I commit myself to understand that the power of the word and the power of forgiveness can be used towards myself within giving myself my own forgiveness without asking from somebody else or asking a high power or 'god'.

I commit myself to realize and never forget that through the power of words and through the power of self forgiveness I can get through anything and I can actually change how I live and how I experience myself in a positive way and that through self forgiveness I am able to take my own power back instead of abdicating it to just my mind, emotions, feelings, and how I experience myself as a result of allowing these things to rule me.

I commit myself to realize and understand that applying self forgiveness is not an ego thing and not something 'I do for others' or because 'I need to show the world that I'm changing or that I'm applying self forgiveness'.

And within that realizing that my application of self forgiveness is about me only being intimate with myself as an expression of me and not about 'transcending the mind' as a point of ego but as a natural expression because I see that I do change and experience myself differently when I let go of my fear of applying it , fear of who I am within it, fear that I'm being dishonest with it, and fear that others will see me and judge me because they see someone speaking out loud to themselves, and within applying it for me as me is the only way for it to be effective.

I realize that self forgiveness is about me and only me. And that it's not about 'the process' but about me applying me and within that a 'process' of self creation and self discovery can step forth with consistent application and not making it about the mind and ego - as that is what self forgiveness is releasing in the first place.

I commit myself to apply self forgiveness out loud in my car while driving and delivering pizzas more because I see that when I do it makes a difference in my total experience and how I interact. And instead of being silent or just listening to music or videos I am actually giving myself more time and space towards self creation within applying it out loud.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of having no money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of cold calling businesses.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of living words.

Living words

Wednesday - Care
Thursday - Self honesty
Friday - Tenacity
Saturday - Boldness
Sunday - Relaxation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of self honesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my own suppressions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my own self -dishonesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my own diabolical nature/tendency.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my own self honesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of competition in self honesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my total existence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of who I am becoming.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought ' I am doomed in this world'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self forgiveness should not or cannot be applied whenever I am out and about doing errands or getting food or going to work, but realize that it's about me and seeing that it helps me regardless of where I am so long as I apply.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe people will judge me if they see me applying self forgiveness in my car or see me essentially talking to myself not realizing that the mind plays this trick on me because the eye of the mind is usually the eyes of others and seeing myself through the eyes of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use and see self forgiveness as an ego point within exposing the tool to others or showing the tool to others not realizing that self forgiveness cannot be given to another nor applied to another - as even if it is directly shared they must apply it themselves - but yes it can be shown and can be shared - but that is only relevant if their is no ego behind it - and first and foremost it is important that I focus on myself and changing myself - and that it is not my duty to try and change others or to get them to do as I do as I must show to myself that it is about me and only me and changing myself first.

Within that sharing is relevant to people that are already applying through their own self will and that my statements can be used by them to hijack points they may not be forgiving or be looking at but could benefit from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others must change while I change - not realizing that my change is about me and that if my change can assist others in some way then that's about me and not about 'helping' them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as 'not doing enough' and as 'holding back because I see I need to maintain self honesty'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my relationship towards desteni and judge myself as an 'angry outcast to desteni' 'who never had the balls to really develop relationships within desteni and applying myself effectively and really committing myself and actually doing what is best for the group and myself in my relationship to the group' and within that think that 'it's too late' because a 'void' was never filled and if I were to try and 'fill the void' I would feel awkward or those in the group wouldn't accept me or they would distrust me because of 'lack of participation'.

I commit myself to realize that the process of self change is a gradual one and that sure there have been moments where maybe and over time I haven't shown a huge dedication to desteni through my sharing and participation within the forum, Desteni I process, and desteni I process lite - but that I have still remained fairly consistent with supporting myself with the tools and keeping up to date with the activities and sharing of others - and within this realize that a large part of why I haven't been so exposed or vocal within sharing all of my applications was because I saw that a large part of my sharing was ego based and that I did not want to take the process away from myself by making it into an ego thing - and that in order for me to be honest with myself I must apply the tools for myself consistently and see for myself how I can change - which I saw was a challenge whenever it was always from the standpoint of 'so I can share' and within that an ego trip of self glorification instead of self honesty.

I commit myself to keep applying myself and sharing my applications because I can see the difference in my experience of when I apply and share vs only applying and not posting my applications.

I commit myself to realize that the process of self honesty and self forgiveness is not about self glorification but about developing self trust self intimacy self authority self power and self strength and that the process is about developing oneself and expanding oneself outside of the parameters of emotions feelings and thoughts and going beyond that to experiencing self expression within acts of self creation.

I commit myself to realize that the process of self forgiveness is about releasing the minds hold on one's life and experience and instead of one's experience and ones being being dictated by the mind, and within that one can become the dictator of themselves as their own authority and within that creating themselves and their lives and total existence/experience as that which they decide for themselves.
I commit myself to realize that even with a limited circumstance or situation financial or relationship wise one has the power to not let 'circumstances' define them nor get them down through and as the power of self forgiveness for everything and anything that is the mind can be forgiven and therefore released from its energetic hold and within this taking of one's power back through consistent application with regards to where one is limiting oneself , one can begin to change their limitation, expand out of the previous bounds and boundaries of emotion and into something they have the potential to do and express that would potentially change the circumstance or situation as the situation is a result of choices and within developing ones self power through self forgiveness one can become the point where the circumstance change or gets better or at least ones experience within the current situation is much better and more enjoyable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that even through my application of self forgiveness the mind will creep up and steal my power and steal my progress away from me.

I commit myself to realize that as long as I am applying self forgiveness and doing what is self honest the mind should not creep up and as long as my relationships are formed in ways that are best for all and within self honesty then my progress should not be sabotaged. I commit myself to realize that how I form and create my relationships with people is probably the most important point to consider when considering points that would or could compromise my self integrity my progress and my self honesty if I were to allow myself to be bound or manipulated by those who are bound and directed by their minds and that within this their self dishonesty would influence me and our relationship - a relationship that was supposed to be a representation or reflection of the change I have made within myself and the change that I am undergoing - not a relationship created out of the context of the mind and purely desires - but a relationship that is an agreement where what is going to be lived as the context of the relationship is outlined and agreed upon by both.

I commit myself to realize that the creation of relationships as agreements where the context and nature of the relationship is agreed upon is the most effective form of relationship as that is mutual consideration and not just two minds 'making each other comfortable' or 'agreeing on all their limitations' or agreeing that 'our limitations are part of who we are and that that is acceptable and doesn't need to change because 'we don't need to change and we don't want to change'.

I commit myself to realize that any relationship that does not operate within the premise of developing oneself and ones potential further in life is not an effective relationship nor does it serve a purpose to one's self honesty.

I commit myself to realize that the purpose of any relationship is to expand and develop oneself ones relationship to self and ones relationship to others and that when abuse occurs in a relationship it compromises self in the relationship and the others self within the relationship.

I commit myself to redefine the premise of my relationships as that which support me to expand and grow my self potential, explore and discover parts of my self expression that exhibit mutually beneficial qualities, and learn about myself and others in ways that supports self honesty instead of relationships as simply comfort, reliance, obedience, and solitude for loneliness.

I commit myself to realize that I have the power to redefine the premise of my relationships and create my relationships within the image of my redefinition.

I commit myself to realize and understand when another is not willing to redefine relationships for themselves especially in the case where their relationships have been created within abusive or Codependent contexts and to realize that for me to accept such contexts and definition of relationships that I would be accepting and allowing the context of that within myself and not just my relationship to that person - as that which I accept in the outflows and contexts of my relationships I also accept within the outflows and contexts of my relationship to myself.