Day 55

Today has really sucked ass. I slept a lot today. I didn’t do any writing the first ‘day’ so to speak and then I went back to sleep so I ended that ‘day’ without any writing. Then I went back to sleep again after sleeping about 3 hours around noon to 2:45. After I went back to sleep the second time after I woke up I could feel a certain energy possessing me extensively to change my whole experience of myself and I didn’t do any writing to stabilize myself until now. I have felt kind of shitty all day and one of the points I have noticed within myself is my desire for something salty. So I've been eating fried chicken on and off today and I notice a change in my consciousness/experience after I eat it or while I'm eating it. I don't know if thats the 'FRIed' part of chicken or what. 

So I am doing much better this evening after doing some basic writing. After I woke up from going to sleep the second time today it was like this whirlwind of shit inside of me but not presenting itself as anything physical or within my environment. It was just like this possession in my mind. And it wasn’t until I did some basic writing that I began to come out of its hold. 

I care about me. I care about myself. I care about my well being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the resistance to writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the resistance to just sitting down and taking some time out of my day to just write even if it is not directed towards ‘points to change’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that I will fail in my life no matter where I go or what I participate within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that I will fall hard.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of letting go of my past and moving on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of writing to ‘change’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of doing what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of changing my relationship towards work and who I am within the workplace.