Day 163 - Fear of Rejection

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "I am useless".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "I am judgmental".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "I am a queer at heart".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "life sucks big nuts".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "life is too hard because I don't have any money".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "life is a bitch and then you die".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "life is just a simple thought".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "life is just full of bullshit left and right".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "I am a loser".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for participating within drugs to some extent as a way to cope or handle my existence, my circumstance, and my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of women treating me like a piece of ass or apiece of shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear women not liking me
or rejecting my attempts at creating a relationship of some sort.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe "I must have the hottest chick in daytona".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of women wanting more
with me in terms of relationship or sex.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of getting put to the backburner by a woman who wants or wanted me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of a woman rejecting me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of a woman 'not liking me' or 'being turned off by me'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of failing in "game" and the "pursuit of women and sex".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate and resent women for rejecting me and as a result want to spite them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to spite women instead of being forgiving.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of women spiting me for being a "nice guy".
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of being spited by women/females.


I commit myself to be confident within myself and not be scared of women.
I commit myself to not put myself in the situation(s) of being rejected by a singular woman or a group of women because I put my sights on one and that one was not available.
I commit myself to be honest with myself about the potential for certain desirable outcomes.
I commit myself to not judge myself for trying to put myself in situations with women that end badly or undesirably.
I commit myself to gauge situations and/or the potential outcomes of such situations based on my chosen participations within such situations.
I commit myself to be honest with myself about the potential for getting what I want from such certain situations and the dynamics at play within such situations.
I commit myself to change myself into a version of me that is confident and gets what I want.
I commit myself to be honest with myself when it comes to approaching or talking to women and not just be deadset on a particular outcome.

Day 162 - Writing Slows Down Time

So today I woke up early or around 8:00 but I didn't get rolling to get things done so I eneded up just going back to sleep because "I don't know what to do with myself" experience. I probably could have benefited from getting a little bit of caffeine in me whenever I woke up but my drink from overnight was gross and I didn't make a new one. I spent more than I had planned out of my earnings/tips last night. Still put $20 away but I ended up spending $33 since I took my tips home. So that's $13 over my budget for last night and today. I notice that whenever I just sit down and write my "reality" changes and my perceptual awareness "slows down" to where my mind and my body doesn't move "so fast" as it was moving before as after I had went back to sleep I woke up "in a gauntlet" where I feel 'groggy' and my mind "feels heavy". So tonight I plan on hustling and making at least $60 again and maybe more. - just have to keep the hustle up and make those deliveries quick and speedy. 

Day 161 - POA

Today I woke up later around 11:30-12:00 and have been enjoying and relaxing in this rain we are getting. I went to sleep after I had originally gotten up and did some things and now feel the need to write because there is this energy in my head thats not so comforting. Today overall I've been pretty relaxed except whenever I went to sleep for the 2nd time right after masturbating. I've been thinking about plans to be able to make rent on time this month. I can save $20-25 out of tips every night I'll be alot closer and then ust use the rest for gas, food, and groceries. And try to save money on food costs by eating groceries at home. Or if I can manage to get a full time delivery job at a dominos, pizza hut, or any other pizza place around here that would probably do the trick as well. That or get a second job for the daytime while I stay at my current job.

So I needto come up with a plan and act as soon as possible.

So yesterday or last night I hustled and made 60 and will save 40 of it. Plan to do the same tonight and everyday this week. Hustly and save everything but $20 for the next day to spend on items and gas.

So by March 8th my goal is have $1,751 saved up from wages, tax refund, and income from other sources. Along with that my other goal is to save everything I make in tips except $20 every night. So the goal for work is to hustle as much as possible in making deliveries and save everything but $20 where $20 is my budget for the rest of the night and the entire next day including gas, food, drinks, and "items". 

Day 160 - Dream Examination and Exploration

I ate at "Duffy's" buffet. There was a woman there that I wanted to get her number or me give her mine. I felt pretty relaxed after leaving there and felt like going to the beach but it wasn't very sunny so I didn't go plus I didn't know where I was going to park my car. Then when I came home I took a nap. I kept dreaming about being in Houston at my dad's old house in Sugarland that I spent alot of time at and lived for several years. In the dream I was going back and forth between I think playing a video game and going outside to play basketball. And also going outside to see Danielle which was a beautiful girl I had a "crush" who lived across the street and I spent alot of time with but I didn't know how to conduct myself with her as far as "making things sexual" which I think is what we both wanted. And during the periods of time that I was staying at my dad's and we had the chance to visit each other, I was releasing all of my sexual energy into pornography and masturbating to pornography. I just didn't or couldn't "conceive" that we could or actually would "be together" and I was afraid that we would "get in trouble" if we were to have sex and that her parents would "not approve of it". And so I "suppressed" all ideas that we would actually end up having sex. Because there was so much fear surrounding it as "what are the consequences" because there was so many factors that were in play - mostly fear that her parents would find out and "not approve". So why did I fear this "outcome" so extensively that we never actually made our relationship physical? Maybe it goes back to when I was 5 or 6 and me and my cousin were "fooling around" and doing sexual things - always in secret because we feared that our parents would "not approve". So within these situations it was like "we must hide it" or "it must be in secret" if we are to "have sex or do anything sexual". So within that were was a sense of shame about what we were doing and that "it wasn't right" - with regards to it being my cousin and with regards to us being children. With regards to Danielle I just didn't know how to conduct myself with her - too much fear was present about our parents "reacting" or "getting angry" or "not approving". So there was just too much fear for there to anything to ahppen as far as sex between me and Danielle. Ultimately she would have been the perfect woman for me moving forward in my life. And I would have been smart to move in with my father earlier on. I could have had a life with Danielle, including all the money and education I would need as a result of living with my father. And then I wouldn't be in the situation of having very little money, a limited education, and struggling to have an effective relationship with a woman as my relationship to my father and the amount of money I have and/or the career I have would be and/or are the biggest factors in determining that as a possibility. So if I had moved in with my dad at an early age or at least whenever or after I visited him and had a sense of "missing" him I would have maybe reaped all of those benefits - the woman, the education, the money, and so on and so forth. And I may have even taken over his insurance business so it would have been even more money. And I could have therefore had a good job making alot of money, a house, a family, and a nice car as well. Thats if I had chosen to live with my father either earlier on in my early childhood or whenever I visited him when i was around 10 years old and had the experience of missing him and longing to be around him at that age. So if I had done that I would be in a much different situation and a much better situation. One with much less uncertainty about 'what is best' and more of a situation where I am living and directing 'what is best' as myself as a living expression of myself. So writing about this makes me wonder how maybe this dynamic of the fear that my parents or their parents will "not approve" may have been and/or still is a factor in how I am conducting and forming my relationships as of the present. Where this fear of forming relationships based on others "approval" may have or be limiting me in conducting and forming the best relationships possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of the nature and "how we do things" or "how it forms" when it comes to my intimate relationships.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my relationships not being "approved" by others. 

Day 159 - Relationships

One of my biggest 'problems' right now in my world and my life is the confusion about what is best for all within my intimate/sexual relationships. The reason is that they have not been what is best for all and really for the most part made me miserable when it comes to women as it pertains to my self-image largely based on my relationships to females and my self image largely defined within the context of how my relationships to females are conducted along with the aspect of 'does she fulfill my desire or not' kind of thing -pertaining to body image, personality, her positive traits, and her level of desire and attention towards me (backed by real action and movement in the form of attempts to communicate and create intimacy). All of these these have a huge impact or 'have weight' when it comes to my overall self image and well being. Since the 'context', 'the desire', and the 'reciprocity(reciprocal efforts) hasn't been there as far as my past relationships but yet the 'idea' of 'a relationship' 'still existing' even thought it didn't meet the requirements - and the other party manipulated me using emotional abuse to stay with her - it has been very stressful, has led to alot of self-suppression with regards to females as the attempts to 'pursue', 'seek out', and 'meet' were all suppressed because "I'm in a relationship" - but yet while this "relationship" was 'not satisfying me'. The self suppression coupled with a lack of the 3 things in terms of the 'context', 'the desire for an image', and the 'reciprocity' within the relationship has been really terrible and has not really in any way truly benefited my own development of my self-potential - only benefited the 'self-potential' within the framework of the relationship lacking the 3 things in the hopes that maybe in the future it would not be lacking the 3 things (in this case context changed to 'living together' and 'more solid foundation of 'what it takes to live the words of this agreement' - 'desire for an image' - as hoping she would lose weight for me and be more 'attractive' - and the reciprocity changing to 'becoming closer and more willing to explore each other an expression of each one's commitment to actually making it a beneficial/practical relationship and not just maintaining the 'status quo' of 'maintaining the relationship' - without realistically practically doing everything necessary to satisfy both parties mutually and within that the 'living' of an 'agreement - both actually  thriving off of each other in ways that allows one another to expand and develop their potential and themselves as a whole in ways that they've never experienced before - representing the unknown of themselves within the context of tapping into one's untapped potential - that potential not necessarily 'seen', 'expected', or even 'quantifiable' as it being the mystery of 'self-expression stepping forth' - as that cannot be seen or experienced through the mind - as the essence of self-expression HERE actually not existing within the context/framework of the mind at all - within this the party's realize that not only is the mind and habitual participation within it the easy destruction of the agreement - but that to participate in the context/framework of the mind from a point of unawareness like 'not even knowing you're being directed by your thoughts and emotions' and allowing that to affect the effective application of the agreement - disallows the 'mysterious' 'unfolding' of one's expression within 'stepping outside of the mind' - where one's expression can only be here as oneself and cannot be experienced, expressed, imagined, or quantified through the mechanics of the mind - and within the context of realizing that 'outside of the mind' is where 'true effectiveness lives' and 'real expression takes place' within that understanding - another agreement ensues where both parties join together to stop the mind and within their stopping of the mind come to know and understand how the mind actually functions - within that - tapping into one's self-expression with the support of another tapping into their own self-expression - thereby creating the most fulfilling, most desireable, and the most powerful relationship one or two or three could concievably create - within this obviously the 'how to' with 'self-honesty' and 'common sense' must be utilized in order for all to be 'on the same page' as far as 'how' this sort of relationship is created and 'what it takes out of each one individually and collectively in order for the words of the agreement to be fulfilled'. Within that framework knowing that 'its not going to be easy' and that 'there is going to be resistance' - but within that knowledge - empowering each other and one's self with the ability to use discernment when it comes to the 'challenges' and within this 'discernment' the greatest tool to assist with the proper alignments according to the overall goal being the gauge or tool of 'self-honesty'. The 'discernment' being the 'deciphering' or 'awareness' of when and as the 'mind is stepping in' and or awareness of when 'a challenge or system is being activated here' - within this discernment existing within one's self the inherent ability to be objective and 'discern' 'what this means? what this represents? what are the outflows? what are the consequences?' knowing that if one is going to utilize their discernment they must basically be on board with the concept/idea and have the desire to actually live the words self-honesty - meaning they are actually intially discerning that 'self-honesty' is 'relevant' with regards 'fulfilling one's potential' and a word or phrase that one aspires to be and lives as one with oneself. Within the the goal to 'be self honest' and 'develop self honesty' and 'live self honesty as an expression of who I am' - the power of discernment steps forth as a tool of objectivity as to whether one 'is actually getting it' and 'is actually living it' - this tool effectively making the tasks and challenges posed as actual gifts to further expanding one's individual expression/potential and as a result expanding the group's potential - and further solidifying the group's ability to walk the actual steps in order to be effective instead of pretending or half assing the attempt towards the overall goal. Realizing that within walking the steps 'to be effective' towards achieving the overall goal of 'creating a lasting a beneficial agreement'  is in fact 'what it takes' 'to achieve the goal' - each action taken towards 'walking the steps more effectively' individually and collectively - accumulates and multiplies - making each individually and collectively stronger and more likely to be able to use the 'discernment' necessary to face more challenges with more specificity and effectiveness - as the level of challenges and the difficulty within these challenges will 'increase' to meet the level of skill developed or used to 'face' 'the last challenge with 'specificity'. That is essentially my understanding of how an 'effective agreement' 'takes place' or 'is walked' as it pertains to the further development of the process of being honest with one's self and uncovering one's untapped potential and mysterious expression HERE as the physical body - that expression unknown and inconcievable by the mind but can only HERE as one's BREATH. And within this mysterious unfolding of one's expression - within it is a sort of orchestra of beings in complete and total unison - the unfolding of one's expression actually revealing the 'nature' of 'equality and oneness' where only in one's unfolding of one's expression - that which is unquantifiable - can see, realize, and understand common truths and principles underlying and guiding existence as 'movement'. Basically unfolding your expression is not 'explainable', 'quantifiable', or 'mappable' - it simply is already here and 'reveals itself as you'. 

Day 158 - Enthusisasm

Definition: To be all bubbly in a sort of self-dishonest way where you're trying to 'be positive'.

Redefine: To have a zest for life and all things within it.

Living:  I commit myself to live the definition of enthusiasm or enthusiastic as to have a zest for life and zest for all things within life. 

Day 157 - Redefining Motivated

Motivated

Definition: To be driven to do something - usually in the context of 'I need to do this'

Redefine: To be driven to do something and take action within respecting one's/my self - potential in realizing the necessity of taking such actions.

I commit myself to live the definition of motivated or motivation as the necessity of taking action with respect to fulfilling my utmost potential where it is required to take such action. 

Day 156

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of paranoia.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my mind - my thoughts.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of who I am within my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of the minds hold and power over me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of who I am and have allowed myself to be and become within my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of mind consciousness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my position within this reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of own self-dishonesties and fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my own pre-programming as the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of self-dishonesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my self-honesty within my self-forgiveness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my own beliefs.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of acceptance and allowance of self-dishonesty within myself and others I choose to associate with.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of pre-programming as the mind consciousness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of mind consciousness systems.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of belief systems.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of belief systems within me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of who I am within my relationships and the people I hang out with.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my self-honesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of being in a real relationship or agreement that is truly best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of creating the image and likeness of what is best for all within all of my participations.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of doing what is best for all within my agreements with people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my agreements with myself. 

Day 155 - Relationship to Money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of making alot of money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of being financially independent and wealthy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of 'more money, more problems'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of being financially stable and sound.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of having a little bit of money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of having no money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of the money system.


I commit myself to stop my fear of making money.

I commit myself to stop my fear of what I have to do to make money.

Day 154

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need something or someone outside of myself in order to be happy or content with life, myself, and my perception of my own self-value.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for my own actions that were not or are not in accordance with self-honesty as what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of doing what is best for all within all of my relationships.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of the outcome with S.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of losing S.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of losing my life, my money, my jobs, and my security.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to indulge in the positive energy of the mind as feelings because I see that whenever I do I actually am allowing limitation within myself, within my experience, and therefore am subject more to the mind as fear rather than living self-direction in self-movement without fear. 

Day 153

I have this profound emptiness within me. And I don't know how its there or where it comes from. How do I get to self-honesty? How do I get to a point in my life where I'm ok and satisfied with it? How do I get to a point where I feel like I'm changing, I'm moving, I'm not in so much darkness - and that life is just basically good? 

Day 152

I feel shitty tonight.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of living alone and being alone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of being without someone to hold, have sex with, and sleep with.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of not having a life anymore.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my pre-programmed design that which will keep me trapped and enslaved to consciousness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my consciousness pre-programming.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of going out and meeting women at bars/clubs.
Tonight there is this drive to 'do something' within me. And I'm not sure exactly what it is I should be doing or want to be doing or doing 'this' would self-honest. I don't really know when I'm being self-honest or not. All I really have is breathing and writing. Its the only two things that I have that keep me stable and ok. Without thos two things or these two things I'm not sure where I would be. And then I see that I have this writing and that I could share it online and within that 'emerges' a sort of 'purpose'. 

Day 151 - Sales

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of making sales phone calls to get potential prospects for our products.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of making phone calls to strangers for getting them to set aside time to speak with me in the future about our products.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of talking to strangers on the phone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of selling a product or service over the phone instead of trying to have a conversation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of having a purpose within my sales calls.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of stating a purpose of my call towards a potential prospect.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of structuring my phone calls in a way that limit pauses or confusion.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of making phone calls with the purpose of following up at a certain time in the future to talk about our products or services.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear that selling on the phone does not work.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that selling on the phone does not work.

I commit myself to structure my calls in a way that limits pauses and confusion.
I commit myself to approach my calls in a way that implies that my potential prospect needs what I have to sell.

Day 150 - Living Words

In the beginning was the word, and the word was God, and the word was with god.

So in using this statement and the implication thereof wherein within the statement implies that words are 'almighty' and have 'almighty' power and the concept of God being 'everything' and within 'God being everything ' also inferring that 'words are everything'

Within this...

I commit myself to use my words to create myself in the image of that which is good.

I commit myself to use my words within realizing that I create my life and my total existence based on my words.

I commit myself to understand that the power of the word and the power of forgiveness can be used towards myself within giving myself my own forgiveness without asking from somebody else or asking a high power or 'god'.

I commit myself to realize and never forget that through the power of words and through the power of self forgiveness I can get through anything and I can actually change how I live and how I experience myself in a positive way and that through self forgiveness I am able to take my own power back instead of abdicating it to just my mind, emotions, feelings, and how I experience myself as a result of allowing these things to rule me.

I commit myself to realize and understand that applying self forgiveness is not an ego thing and not something 'I do for others' or because 'I need to show the world that I'm changing or that I'm applying self forgiveness'.

And within that realizing that my application of self forgiveness is about me only being intimate with myself as an expression of me and not about 'transcending the mind' as a point of ego but as a natural expression because I see that I do change and experience myself differently when I let go of my fear of applying it , fear of who I am within it, fear that I'm being dishonest with it, and fear that others will see me and judge me because they see someone speaking out loud to themselves, and within applying it for me as me is the only way for it to be effective.

I realize that self forgiveness is about me and only me. And that it's not about 'the process' but about me applying me and within that a 'process' of self creation and self discovery can step forth with consistent application and not making it about the mind and ego - as that is what self forgiveness is releasing in the first place.

I commit myself to apply self forgiveness out loud in my car while driving and delivering pizzas more because I see that when I do it makes a difference in my total experience and how I interact. And instead of being silent or just listening to music or videos I am actually giving myself more time and space towards self creation within applying it out loud.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of having no money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of cold calling businesses.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of living words.

Living words

Wednesday - Care
Thursday - Self honesty
Friday - Tenacity
Saturday - Boldness
Sunday - Relaxation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of self honesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my own suppressions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my own self -dishonesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my own diabolical nature/tendency.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my own self honesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of competition in self honesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my total existence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of who I am becoming.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought ' I am doomed in this world'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self forgiveness should not or cannot be applied whenever I am out and about doing errands or getting food or going to work, but realize that it's about me and seeing that it helps me regardless of where I am so long as I apply.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe people will judge me if they see me applying self forgiveness in my car or see me essentially talking to myself not realizing that the mind plays this trick on me because the eye of the mind is usually the eyes of others and seeing myself through the eyes of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use and see self forgiveness as an ego point within exposing the tool to others or showing the tool to others not realizing that self forgiveness cannot be given to another nor applied to another - as even if it is directly shared they must apply it themselves - but yes it can be shown and can be shared - but that is only relevant if their is no ego behind it - and first and foremost it is important that I focus on myself and changing myself - and that it is not my duty to try and change others or to get them to do as I do as I must show to myself that it is about me and only me and changing myself first.

Within that sharing is relevant to people that are already applying through their own self will and that my statements can be used by them to hijack points they may not be forgiving or be looking at but could benefit from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others must change while I change - not realizing that my change is about me and that if my change can assist others in some way then that's about me and not about 'helping' them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as 'not doing enough' and as 'holding back because I see I need to maintain self honesty'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my relationship towards desteni and judge myself as an 'angry outcast to desteni' 'who never had the balls to really develop relationships within desteni and applying myself effectively and really committing myself and actually doing what is best for the group and myself in my relationship to the group' and within that think that 'it's too late' because a 'void' was never filled and if I were to try and 'fill the void' I would feel awkward or those in the group wouldn't accept me or they would distrust me because of 'lack of participation'.

I commit myself to realize that the process of self change is a gradual one and that sure there have been moments where maybe and over time I haven't shown a huge dedication to desteni through my sharing and participation within the forum, Desteni I process, and desteni I process lite - but that I have still remained fairly consistent with supporting myself with the tools and keeping up to date with the activities and sharing of others - and within this realize that a large part of why I haven't been so exposed or vocal within sharing all of my applications was because I saw that a large part of my sharing was ego based and that I did not want to take the process away from myself by making it into an ego thing - and that in order for me to be honest with myself I must apply the tools for myself consistently and see for myself how I can change - which I saw was a challenge whenever it was always from the standpoint of 'so I can share' and within that an ego trip of self glorification instead of self honesty.

I commit myself to keep applying myself and sharing my applications because I can see the difference in my experience of when I apply and share vs only applying and not posting my applications.

I commit myself to realize that the process of self honesty and self forgiveness is not about self glorification but about developing self trust self intimacy self authority self power and self strength and that the process is about developing oneself and expanding oneself outside of the parameters of emotions feelings and thoughts and going beyond that to experiencing self expression within acts of self creation.

I commit myself to realize that the process of self forgiveness is about releasing the minds hold on one's life and experience and instead of one's experience and ones being being dictated by the mind, and within that one can become the dictator of themselves as their own authority and within that creating themselves and their lives and total existence/experience as that which they decide for themselves.
I commit myself to realize that even with a limited circumstance or situation financial or relationship wise one has the power to not let 'circumstances' define them nor get them down through and as the power of self forgiveness for everything and anything that is the mind can be forgiven and therefore released from its energetic hold and within this taking of one's power back through consistent application with regards to where one is limiting oneself , one can begin to change their limitation, expand out of the previous bounds and boundaries of emotion and into something they have the potential to do and express that would potentially change the circumstance or situation as the situation is a result of choices and within developing ones self power through self forgiveness one can become the point where the circumstance change or gets better or at least ones experience within the current situation is much better and more enjoyable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that even through my application of self forgiveness the mind will creep up and steal my power and steal my progress away from me.

I commit myself to realize that as long as I am applying self forgiveness and doing what is self honest the mind should not creep up and as long as my relationships are formed in ways that are best for all and within self honesty then my progress should not be sabotaged. I commit myself to realize that how I form and create my relationships with people is probably the most important point to consider when considering points that would or could compromise my self integrity my progress and my self honesty if I were to allow myself to be bound or manipulated by those who are bound and directed by their minds and that within this their self dishonesty would influence me and our relationship - a relationship that was supposed to be a representation or reflection of the change I have made within myself and the change that I am undergoing - not a relationship created out of the context of the mind and purely desires - but a relationship that is an agreement where what is going to be lived as the context of the relationship is outlined and agreed upon by both.

I commit myself to realize that the creation of relationships as agreements where the context and nature of the relationship is agreed upon is the most effective form of relationship as that is mutual consideration and not just two minds 'making each other comfortable' or 'agreeing on all their limitations' or agreeing that 'our limitations are part of who we are and that that is acceptable and doesn't need to change because 'we don't need to change and we don't want to change'.

I commit myself to realize that any relationship that does not operate within the premise of developing oneself and ones potential further in life is not an effective relationship nor does it serve a purpose to one's self honesty.

I commit myself to realize that the purpose of any relationship is to expand and develop oneself ones relationship to self and ones relationship to others and that when abuse occurs in a relationship it compromises self in the relationship and the others self within the relationship.

I commit myself to redefine the premise of my relationships as that which support me to expand and grow my self potential, explore and discover parts of my self expression that exhibit mutually beneficial qualities, and learn about myself and others in ways that supports self honesty instead of relationships as simply comfort, reliance, obedience, and solitude for loneliness.

I commit myself to realize that I have the power to redefine the premise of my relationships and create my relationships within the image of my redefinition.

I commit myself to realize and understand when another is not willing to redefine relationships for themselves especially in the case where their relationships have been created within abusive or Codependent contexts and to realize that for me to accept such contexts and definition of relationships that I would be accepting and allowing the context of that within myself and not just my relationship to that person - as that which I accept in the outflows and contexts of my relationships I also accept within the outflows and contexts of my relationship to myself.