Day 28

Tonight there was a moment whenever I was sitting next to a girl and I was about to say ‘so whats your name?” and then start a conversation with her but I chickened out. I looked over and one of my coworkers gave me this sly look like ‘oh yeah go for it’ and then I sort of blushed and shook my head. Then I didn’t say anything to her. Afterwards I was like feeling like I had just tortured myself for not saying what was on my mind in that second. And I kept going over it in my mind. I felt like I had just absolutely tortured myself by not saying anything to her. Fucking fucked up. I felt so ashamed afterwards. I felt like I had just tortured myself and it was like pure tyranny. Why didn’t I say anything? Because when I looked at her body I didn’t get a point where I was like ‘she’s really attractive’. Not that she wasn’t attractive in some ways but she just wasn’t ‘picture perfect’ or anything like that. But it was a small moment and clearly I chose what was not best as evidenced by my experience afterwards