Today has been ok. Not near as bad at work like this past
week. Think it has something to do with writing more, posting blogs, and writing
in the morning before work.
Today has been fairly cool. I actually got to joke with C
alot making sex jokes or euphemism sex jokes. My night sort of ‘lightened up’ a
little bit during that period of back and forth texting and especially after
some of the scheduled drivers went home. I feel like that was the ‘point’ where
things started to change inside of myself. Corresponding with the text
messaging, call from my mom, and a lot of the other drivers going home. Not
sure exactly the exact point which held prominence with regards to the change
in how I was experiencing myself. That’s something I always wonder about because
I can predominantly experience myself a certain for several days and/or
predominantly experience myself a certain way a whole day or for a couple of
hours and then it can all of the sudden change where I am now experiencing
myself in a new way that feels better – and in less inner darkness and turmoil.
Maybe it had something to do with the banana I ate after I ate some pizza.
Maybe it had something to do with how I was expressing myself with others at
work or with customers. These are all things that I wonder if they all have an
equal role or equal part in how my experience is being created. Because at
other times it can make no sense whatsoever as to why or how I experience
myself in a certain – usually a very negative experience – or the experience
has a very negative connotation – usually ruled by fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the
thought ‘this world is doomed’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the
thought ‘this world is fucked up’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the
thought ‘this world is dumb’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the
thought ‘this world is entirely my fault’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the
thought ‘this world is entirely ego based’.
I commit myself to care about my life, my world, this reality, and all the life that exists upon/within it.
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