Day 94

Today I had a really good day on the job training to become a licensed electrician. I really enjoyed the work, it was hot, it was hard work, and very physically demanding which I enjoy. I actually learned a lot my first day and really jumped in there hands on to get the tasks I was assigned completed. I didn’t really have an emotional reactions or experiences at work because when you’re working with your hands and doing manual labor you really don’t have time for it – you have to be efficient in what you do and get in there and do it – the mind takes a backburner big time. Overall your physicality takes over and you just go with it doing each task as they are assigned or needed to be done. I did however have some ‘disturbing’ thoughts sometimes throughout the day and then especially after I left the jobsite. It was like this ‘paranoia’ or ‘homophobia’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in paranoia about others thinking or believing that I am gay.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that others think or perceive me as being gay.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of homosexuality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and participate within homophobia.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within homophobia.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the concept or idea that I am homosexual.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that I am homosexual.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire men.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have sex with men.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire penises.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire male genitalia.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as bisexual.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being bisexual is cool or appealing to the opposite sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being bisexual is a real form of sexuality or sexual expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be bisexual.

I commit myself to stop my desire for male to male sexuality.

I commit myself to stop my fear of male to male sexuality.

I commit myself to stop my thoughts of being with a male.