Day 106

Today has been kind of rough at times and kind of stable and smooth at times. Especially earlier in the day it was a whirlwind of emotions because I was eating at a restaurant outside and a song came on that I knew would give me that feeling experience as reaction to certain words/concepts/ and tonalities within music. Turns out it did and afterwards I felt so terrible. Then after that whole debacle I kind of recovered with the help of some coffee and Gatorade. I went home and took a nap in my hot RV and whenever I got up I felt much better. I felt well rested and things were brighter perceptually and I wasn’t in so much darkness. But later on in the night I had this experience after drinking some coca cola where I felt really helpless, empty, insecure, and pathetic. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a loser.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the parts of me that I don't like and don't understand.