Day 101

I’m experiencing a lot of instability inside myself right now to the point of almost experiencing a panic attack. Like something is severely wrong. So what do I do? What is the point that requires attention? All that happened was that went inside and went into the bedroom and suddenly I was in this like panic state – very fearful of going to work in the morning and all that might entail.

Maybe I need to set for myself a job objective for working for Giles:

My objective at Giles:

To work hard, to work efficiently and effectively, to get work done on time or in a timely manner, to create long-lasting relationships with my employer and/or coworkers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my coworkers and my journeymen. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that my coworkers look down upon me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that I am not good enough to be an electrician. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that I will give up and quit my job at Giles. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that I won't have the resolve to stick it out with Giles and the apprenticeship program of the NJATC. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of reporting abuse where I see it is necessary to report.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of the past and it recreating itself in the present and/or future. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of recreating myself in terms of the words anxious, anxiety, and panic. 

Anxious: 

Defining: the experience of instability and great fear within oneself where one is at constant dis-ease with one's self and with one's environment to the extent of feeling completely alone, isolated, and distant from those around you. 

Redefining: Moving within awareness of one's inner turmoil to better face the issues/problems at hand to recreate self into a better version