My back pain is a little bit better today but still hurts. Now I have some tingling and numbness in my left hand that came out of nowhere. Its kind of scary and I'm thinking its got to have something to do with my back as well.
I went to OffLease Only in Orlando which is a used car dealership and saw a bunch of cars. It was interesting to see the various differences in the cars including one of the big factors which was smell. Some of the cars had a dog, cigarette smoke, and body odor smell that wasn't too appealing. I'm trying to decide whether I should get a new car(used) or wait until my mom can buy a car and save up to buy her car outright so I won't have a car payment and can just pay insurance. Or I can buy my own car and be done with and pay the monthly payment + insurance. I think I'm just gonna buy my own car for once and be done with it. So now the next step is deciding what car to buy.
Today I had this experience where I all the sudden felt low and angry. And I wasn't sure exactly where it came from. I deduced it was from the fact that my mom had just invited me over to my brothers for dinner as if I had nothing better to do or that it was my duty to go over to his house for dinner. Either way I wasn't exactly given a choice in the matter. She didn't ask me if I wanted to go over there she automatically declared that we were going over there without asking me. So that was a wee bit perturbing. But I had a decent time so it was alright.
I feel so trapped alot of the time. I want to be on my own and be independent. But that scares me to not be saving any money and have to spend it all on bills rent, car, etc.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of buying the wrong car.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my family keeping me trapped.
Im still trying to find a car. This process gets on my nerves. But I want to make a smart decision and get the best car for the best price. Its hard to know youre getting a fair deal out there. This whole process is such a stressful thing. I'm really getting eerie of it. I want to choose the best car for the best price that I can afford. But somehow this whole thing seems dishonest. I want to choose the best car in self-honesty. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I went to OffLease Only in Orlando which is a used car dealership and saw a bunch of cars. It was interesting to see the various differences in the cars including one of the big factors which was smell. Some of the cars had a dog, cigarette smoke, and body odor smell that wasn't too appealing. I'm trying to decide whether I should get a new car(used) or wait until my mom can buy a car and save up to buy her car outright so I won't have a car payment and can just pay insurance. Or I can buy my own car and be done with and pay the monthly payment + insurance. I think I'm just gonna buy my own car for once and be done with it. So now the next step is deciding what car to buy.
Today I had this experience where I all the sudden felt low and angry. And I wasn't sure exactly where it came from. I deduced it was from the fact that my mom had just invited me over to my brothers for dinner as if I had nothing better to do or that it was my duty to go over to his house for dinner. Either way I wasn't exactly given a choice in the matter. She didn't ask me if I wanted to go over there she automatically declared that we were going over there without asking me. So that was a wee bit perturbing. But I had a decent time so it was alright.
I feel so trapped alot of the time. I want to be on my own and be independent. But that scares me to not be saving any money and have to spend it all on bills rent, car, etc.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of buying the wrong car.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my family keeping me trapped.
Im still trying to find a car. This process gets on my nerves. But I want to make a smart decision and get the best car for the best price. Its hard to know youre getting a fair deal out there. This whole process is such a stressful thing. I'm really getting eerie of it. I want to choose the best car for the best price that I can afford. But somehow this whole thing seems dishonest. I want to choose the best car in self-honesty. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
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