So lately I've been listening to the interview called "The Detail and Specificity of the Desteni Process" like over and over again. Why? Because I think that because Bernard is speaking to someone of a similar 'design' as me then it is specific to me in terms of it being directly relevant to me. Basically that since the person is a similar 'design' with similar 'tendencies' then it is of the utmost relevance to me as well because it would be like me having my own personal interview with Bernard. Now what the interview covers is many points but one of the main being the importance and relevance of self-honesty within walking the Desteni process. Discussing that this is a 'process' and has a 'structure' and 'specificity' that is relevant to the person that is attempting to change themselves and birth themselves as life for real. And within the context of participating within the group of change and applying the tools of change - that it is not enough to just be applying the tools or presenting yourself as a part of the group in order for real change to happen - because their is a 'process' and that 'process' is 'specific' - with a 'timeline' - and that the process must be 'walked' 'specifically' or else you are going to 'fuck with yourself' by way of creating an idea about something, someone, and/or self based on 'intellect' instead of real understanding and living through application.
Pre-context:
It really is my ultimate goal to bring about a change within myself and without in the world that is best for all - because I know what higher 'purpose' or 'objective' could there be in existence? The problem being primarily the "Revenge of the Ego" which has stifled me extensively - through my allowance of fears pre-existent within - tendencies/world views/and emotional/behavioral/existential dispositions shaped and formed through events - acceptances and allowances of self existing within ego - that has fucked me extensively as well - thus being extensively screwed by my own participation within ego - approaching and finding Desteni which is essentially the point of 'you must eradicate your ego' - very relevant to me because I've been extensively fucked by my own ego already! Hence the acknowledgement of the relevance of the desteni message from early on - but yet never really grasping - 'how this actually works - and how this actually operates - as far as taking apart the ego - and freeing one's self for real' - because obviously although when I found Desteni and saw the relevance, the necessity, and brilliance behind the message - the group - and the content - having been through extensive trauma and self abuse by and through separation of myself into the ego - I was still extensively 'naive' with regards to 'how this process works' and 'how this ego is the thing that has fucked me extensively and will fuck me again if I do not stop it and eradicate it forevermore'. Because whenever I first found Desteni I had the mentality and the disposition that 'what had happened to me' as far as the events that took place to fuck me royally and isolate myself into my own ego completely - was not all of my doing - that 'something was going on' and 'I wanted to figure out 'why' this happened to me' - as I felt to be a victim to the events that led me to eventually isolating myself within ego - and fucking with myself extensively as far my overall outlook, disposition, viewpoint, and attitude towards the world and towards myself - going from an exhilarating life with tons of friends and a 'can't break me disposition and attitude' - to no friends no girlfriend no extracurriculars - only a few poor sapps for friends that existed only to comfort the excruciating pain I went through being the new kid at school at the time most 'significant' with regards to 'creating a life, planning a future, having sex, expressing one's self in new ways via access to 'more freedoms' and 'more responsibilities' as a result of getting older. The two friends only existing as 'props' that supplied me with 'my drug' which was 'weed' and the 'image' of 'having friends' - because my fear and insecurity was so extensive due to my entire self definition regarding my old life being stripped away from me in one blow - to the point where 'I would never establish a self definition that could be stripped away and devastate me as such' - and within this position within my own ego I chose not to create a new life in the image of what I would have liked to live and express, within the starting point of 'it isn't relevant to me because it can be taken away again and again' - 'first I must figure out what I did wrong and what is really going in this reality' - so I delved further and further into the ego - enveloping it - enhancing it - assisting it - to create an image of myself that I was a 'higher being', an 'enlightened being' - all in attempts to find some 'peace' within my devastation - and justifying my unwillingness to give up my ego and start a new life - letting go of the past - but as well within this whole process of delving into my ego there was an aspect of an inquisitive nature - because essentially my devastation seemed 'unfair' - 'unwarranted' - 'totally unjust'. So my journey began of figuring out what was going on in existence for 'unjustice' to 'meet me' 'devastate me' and almost completely annihilate me. Because within the 'knowing' of 'who I am' I knew that such a thing was unjust - that someone like me - a good person - a kind hearted person - a compassionate person - should not have to go through such devastation. So within my entire self-definition being stripped away from me - which was a point of ego - that ego being dissolved - yet still resembling very closely to the life that I would like to live and express as self-honesty yet void of rules, guidelines, and principles - and not only resembling closely but getting better all the time - gaining more traction in terms of self-confidence and confidence within the point of finally feeling like I'm expressing myself with the people I want to express myself with in ways that I want to express, ways that gives me great pleasure and joy as it was representing me annihilating my bashful and fearful self - that has tormented me most of my life in terms of my relationships to others - one of the great points being how the traction I was gaining in terms of my expression with others would eventually and/or already was translating or spilling over into newfound relationships/expressions with females - with effective expression with females being my ultimate point of desire since I was a little boy. And that momentum being taken away was like almost getting to the top of Mount Everest and then falling off not long before you reach the top. So naturally I had great resentment towards life in general for taking away 'my life' - and also great resentment towards the people that assisted with 'stealing my well being, my life, my livelihood, my friends, and ultimately my newfound expressions with others' - the people that facilitated/carried through the physical separation of me from my hometown, my friends, and ultimately the life built over the course of 4 years. That four years representing the most consistent and stable foundation for creating my life in one place over time that I had experienced throughout the rest of my childhood - and that that building of a life leading up to and going into the most critical time in terms of setting the stage for 'who I am' within my 'future relationships' - being destroyed completely where I isolated myself within the ego.
So the relevance of the backstory leading up to finding desteni and essentially the point that I wanted to make is that I am still trying to grasp at this stage 'how to walk the process in specificity so that I do not fuck with myself'. That being getting down to self-honesty within my application where it shows that I've got a grasp of where I am and where I am going if I continue to apply myself the way I am effectively.
Pre-context:
It really is my ultimate goal to bring about a change within myself and without in the world that is best for all - because I know what higher 'purpose' or 'objective' could there be in existence? The problem being primarily the "Revenge of the Ego" which has stifled me extensively - through my allowance of fears pre-existent within - tendencies/world views/and emotional/behavioral/existential dispositions shaped and formed through events - acceptances and allowances of self existing within ego - that has fucked me extensively as well - thus being extensively screwed by my own participation within ego - approaching and finding Desteni which is essentially the point of 'you must eradicate your ego' - very relevant to me because I've been extensively fucked by my own ego already! Hence the acknowledgement of the relevance of the desteni message from early on - but yet never really grasping - 'how this actually works - and how this actually operates - as far as taking apart the ego - and freeing one's self for real' - because obviously although when I found Desteni and saw the relevance, the necessity, and brilliance behind the message - the group - and the content - having been through extensive trauma and self abuse by and through separation of myself into the ego - I was still extensively 'naive' with regards to 'how this process works' and 'how this ego is the thing that has fucked me extensively and will fuck me again if I do not stop it and eradicate it forevermore'. Because whenever I first found Desteni I had the mentality and the disposition that 'what had happened to me' as far as the events that took place to fuck me royally and isolate myself into my own ego completely - was not all of my doing - that 'something was going on' and 'I wanted to figure out 'why' this happened to me' - as I felt to be a victim to the events that led me to eventually isolating myself within ego - and fucking with myself extensively as far my overall outlook, disposition, viewpoint, and attitude towards the world and towards myself - going from an exhilarating life with tons of friends and a 'can't break me disposition and attitude' - to no friends no girlfriend no extracurriculars - only a few poor sapps for friends that existed only to comfort the excruciating pain I went through being the new kid at school at the time most 'significant' with regards to 'creating a life, planning a future, having sex, expressing one's self in new ways via access to 'more freedoms' and 'more responsibilities' as a result of getting older. The two friends only existing as 'props' that supplied me with 'my drug' which was 'weed' and the 'image' of 'having friends' - because my fear and insecurity was so extensive due to my entire self definition regarding my old life being stripped away from me in one blow - to the point where 'I would never establish a self definition that could be stripped away and devastate me as such' - and within this position within my own ego I chose not to create a new life in the image of what I would have liked to live and express, within the starting point of 'it isn't relevant to me because it can be taken away again and again' - 'first I must figure out what I did wrong and what is really going in this reality' - so I delved further and further into the ego - enveloping it - enhancing it - assisting it - to create an image of myself that I was a 'higher being', an 'enlightened being' - all in attempts to find some 'peace' within my devastation - and justifying my unwillingness to give up my ego and start a new life - letting go of the past - but as well within this whole process of delving into my ego there was an aspect of an inquisitive nature - because essentially my devastation seemed 'unfair' - 'unwarranted' - 'totally unjust'. So my journey began of figuring out what was going on in existence for 'unjustice' to 'meet me' 'devastate me' and almost completely annihilate me. Because within the 'knowing' of 'who I am' I knew that such a thing was unjust - that someone like me - a good person - a kind hearted person - a compassionate person - should not have to go through such devastation. So within my entire self-definition being stripped away from me - which was a point of ego - that ego being dissolved - yet still resembling very closely to the life that I would like to live and express as self-honesty yet void of rules, guidelines, and principles - and not only resembling closely but getting better all the time - gaining more traction in terms of self-confidence and confidence within the point of finally feeling like I'm expressing myself with the people I want to express myself with in ways that I want to express, ways that gives me great pleasure and joy as it was representing me annihilating my bashful and fearful self - that has tormented me most of my life in terms of my relationships to others - one of the great points being how the traction I was gaining in terms of my expression with others would eventually and/or already was translating or spilling over into newfound relationships/expressions with females - with effective expression with females being my ultimate point of desire since I was a little boy. And that momentum being taken away was like almost getting to the top of Mount Everest and then falling off not long before you reach the top. So naturally I had great resentment towards life in general for taking away 'my life' - and also great resentment towards the people that assisted with 'stealing my well being, my life, my livelihood, my friends, and ultimately my newfound expressions with others' - the people that facilitated/carried through the physical separation of me from my hometown, my friends, and ultimately the life built over the course of 4 years. That four years representing the most consistent and stable foundation for creating my life in one place over time that I had experienced throughout the rest of my childhood - and that that building of a life leading up to and going into the most critical time in terms of setting the stage for 'who I am' within my 'future relationships' - being destroyed completely where I isolated myself within the ego.
So the relevance of the backstory leading up to finding desteni and essentially the point that I wanted to make is that I am still trying to grasp at this stage 'how to walk the process in specificity so that I do not fuck with myself'. That being getting down to self-honesty within my application where it shows that I've got a grasp of where I am and where I am going if I continue to apply myself the way I am effectively.
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