Day 208

The mind is a machine. It operates without you having to do anything in order for it to function. Within this the key point to realize within existing without awareness and with only consciousness is that design is such that what you accept and allow is that which will emanate from you and possess you completely as if it were you. The key is to take back the reins of your own life your own values and remove the programming from which you exist within consciousness as a result - and remove the inputs of that design for which you have created your reality in the image of this far - and understand how the mind works - within this understanding how the thoughts and memories form for which you are basing your life upon completely - within this not realizing that the real you that life force within you is not actually your consciousness nor does it come from consciousness - it comes from you as your physical body - that which you only have evidence for to exist in the first place - and that awareness has been fucked with extensively by your consciousness - trying to con you into believing thatbia the real you when it is not it is just a system for which has placed upon you from birth for you to not see reality and for you to not change yourself your life and the world as a whole - within that fulfilling one goal which is the MINd the reasources of earth which is the physical body - that alone indicate a conplete separation from reality in all its dimensions - beliecing consciousness is reality when it is not so.

Day 207

Today was interesting. I felt pretty sick and weak generally for most of the day. So I finally decided to go to the doctor to see if I could get this cyst/bite treated. It seems that it has gotten much bigger since yesterday and has become quite painful to the slightest touch and/or from movement local to the site. Whenever I was in the hospital I started to get angry towards the fact that I had gone and that they had not done what I wanted and expected them to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry with myself and others when my expectations do not match up to the reality and/or decisions of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of the consequences for following the guidelines and procedures of western medicine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of accepting and alloweing the idea that western medicine can be good or make sense at times.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of accepting western medicine's practices will compromise my body's health and integrity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that western medicine is only designed to make us sicker through suppression instead of real treatment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that western medicine is purely evil and participating within it will have disastrous consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that western medicine is designed to heal rather than just treat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that western medicine and following its procedures for common things will weaken my immune system and eventually I will be too weak to fight off diseases or infections. 

Day 206

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of having no money and not being able to meet my financial obligations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of not being able to sustain a business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of not being able or diligent enough to make a difference in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of not being able to find my way or place within this world. 

Day 205

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to question my resolve, my ethic, and my willingness to do, be, and become that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to question my goal of becoming that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of the people in my life that seem to at times not want me to do and become my utmost potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the people in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the people in my life that don't want me to change, expand, or grow because that would mean that they would have to also.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of change, growth, and self-expansion towards a better me, a better future, and a greater potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the process of changing myself as that which I have resistance to doing as the system impulses one to remain within the bounds and confines of one's own mind as belief systems that justify one's limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the limitations, excuses, and justifications of the mind through me or represented through another  to keep me from expanding - using the excuse that others are keeping me trapped and that I am apparently trapped with them - also using the excuse that they are apparently supporting me in some ways that are beneficial.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of breaking the confines of current existed dynamics of relationship that do not exemplify that which is best for all life - believing that I am confined within these dynamics as a result of suppression or some form of submission.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of breaking free from the chains of self-compromising and self-aggrandizement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of breaking free from the limitations of my own mind as that which has been superimposed onto me and my body as a form of justification for the way the world is or apparently should be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I gain anything from compromising myself, my commitment, my consistency, and my application of that which I have proven to myself to make me better and stronger every day - simply because those in my reality do not share these same traits nor have or exhibit the will to change as I do - and within the acceptance and allowance of such persons I am by default accepting limitation - and accepting the resonance of limitation within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel fear when presented with a future that is uncertain or filled with fear as accompaniment to the uncertainty.

Day 204

Today I was able to accomplish a couple of new creative things that made me see things a little bit differently. One was I was accomplished building a gate for a place within our fence that needed easy access to due to its higher traffic nature towards our the clothesline and storage shed. Another was brushing the horses for the first time up close by their sides. This was cool because usually due to mostly the fear that we are not comfortable with the horses enough - we usually stand between them and the fence. But finally I was able to go under the fence with ease due to removing a broken board and finally brushing them using a plastic palm brush. I definitely enjoyed this and the feeling of the horses trusting me to brush them and trusting me to stand next to them and feel their bodies. Another thing that was cool and new was I created my first website today - published one on one platform - and created 2 more and two different website creation platforms. It is an exciting process the unfolding of the creation of a business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of the process of creating a business - the factors that go into it - the diligence - and the qualities of creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I may lack or will lack the skills, traits, qualities, and abilities needed in order to successfully create, run, and maintain the existence of a profitable business venture.

Day 203

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "I hate all people and I just want to die".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "I hate my life so much".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "life sucks ass".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "life is terrible and nobody actually cares".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "life is bullshit and nobody gives a shit".

I was playing poker online and the players began to bully me and others. I don't know if that was the catalyst or if that was just showing me what is happening in other areas of my life as far as relationships goes but I started going through this same old type of experience within myself where I feel like I hate the world and my well being in this experience is so deteriorated my mind goes to killing or retaliating in some way to 'get back' against these bullies or whoever it is that is abusing me or others around them blindly and obnoxiously. The thoughts within me compound to such an extent that I am left just sulking or basking in these emotions of anger, pure reverence for all despicable behaviors and abuse. Its really unbearable falls somewhere around speaking to family at times. The only thing I can attribute i to is it usually members - and I've had this experience of reverence while playing online poker before - usually towards the players or particular player that is abusing obnoxiously and usually anonymously. And its these weak moments like these that make me want to go and use drugs to life me out of it for a moment. Even though I know that is not a solution - and more so becomes a habit when faced with these particular emotions and experiences again.

I guess I should stick to my writing daily.

Day 202

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that I will never be financially free.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that achieving financial freedom only requires diligence, common sense, and a willingness to see things through to completion.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deny the principles of wealth creation at the start of my adventure to creating wealth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of creating wealth for myself and my loved ones. 

Day 201 - Shooting In Las Vegas

The shooting in Las Vegas was confirmation for me that the government has covertly been associated in many if not all of the mass shootings within the past four to five years. See in a democratic society you cannot just force down rules, regulations, and new laws down people's throats. You need to have their consent because thats how a democracy works or at least that is how the crazy demons must conduct it - because apparently they have a vote and an opinion and that it is valid for its own sake - be it what is best for all or not - and therefore apparently have the right to bear arms and retaliate if a law is passed that does not fit their point of view.

So in order to eventually get to the point where the crazy demons have to take whatever is shoved down their throats by the government - you have to take away their guns apparently - or so the crazy demons believe - as they believe that their guns is what stands between them and their government - obviously within this forgetting that the pen is much mightier than the sword.

So back to how this all relates to the recent shooting in Las Vegas and the other shootings which we have seen in higher frequency in American modern history in the past few years. In order for the government to get an agenda passed - such as taking away people's guns - you need to stage a series of events that gets a collective dialogue going about 'how to avoid this mess and these tragedies' - you essentially have to incorporate tactics used by propagandists for over a century. You can create an event which receives a lot of attention and media exposure - the event obviously must be significant enough, clever enough, cunning enough, or severe enough to where it sparks all kinds of emotions within people - and then you must present what you are seeking as a measure that may be a part of bigger overall plan but is a crucial step to its completion - present the solution to this particular event or the future prevention of this type of event from occurring again. The result of the event must be sort of 'obvious' as 'what will be done going forward' - and that which you are seeking as your goal in this particular instance must be actually decided upon by the collective crazy demons as if it was their own idea in the first place - even though everything is set up by you to get them to come to the conclusions that you want - so that they will accept and even promote the 'plan' or 'measure' that you are trying to take or have been trying to take but have not yet convinced your constituents that this must be done - because obviously your goal is larger than theirs and they have no interest in yours - or the significance of this particular step on the way to achieving your goal - so you must orchestrate the events and aftermath in such a way that leads them to decide upon your measure as if it were their own idea. Thats propaganda 101 - and that is the way The United States of America has been run and orchestrated since the early 1900's. Fascinating isn't it? Any time you see a slogan - a phrase - repeated over and over again - you are listening to propaganda - it is the means for which you can run a 'democracy' - whenever all the crazy demons aren't really interested in what is best for all - nor do they have a clue about even how the basic mechanics of their minds function - so therefore you have the policy makers - who set the agenda for them - just orchestrate their relations in ways where the people will do what you want as if they are doing it for themselves.