Day 191 - What He Meant

There has been a massive almost insurmountable level of confusion when it comes to the relevance and significance of Jesus Christ. Instead of grasping his words and practicing them on the most small or minute of levels - the entire message as the totality of his words has become a sort of judgment point where "to know him" has become "to believe him" instead of "to know him" being "to live his message" - within that drawing the distinction between believing something is real vs. Actually applying it and seeing if it is real first-hand - e.g. many people believe smoking causes cancer as thats what been sold to them by the medical and pharmaceutical industry but almost no one has any first-hand knowledge or evidence that that is true - so within this drawing the distinction and picture that having faith or believing him(jesus) has become more emphasized than "knowing he's real and telling the truth through first hand experience and application of his words". Instead of living by, applying for ones self, and heding his words on a very personal and practical basis - people have been more focused on the story of Jesus himself and his relevance as a man as "the son of god" as a point of knowledge as if by just believing him or saying you believe in him(here again focusing more on his status instead of actual relevance) without applying his words is the most important component to "heding his message" instead of actually focusing on his words, what he really means in them, and how we can apply that real meaning on a personal and interpersonal basis. The beLIEf has become the fascination of our minds rather than " the real world application". This seems to have come to be because of the tendency for people to be more preoccupied with the fascinations of the mind instead of the tedious truth and nature of physical practicality.

Day 190 - I am Desteni

This a realization I've had many times over after going through the years that I've gone through forgiving myself. The years of going through the trials and tribulations of being exposed to the desteni message - including the pre-programmed reactions towards desteni - but within it all still knowing that desteni is the end all be all as the group of life on earth when it comes to assisting and supporting the humans that would dare to loom at the nature of reality and the nature of consciousness. Within that i realized that in fact the small is the big and if I want to be a part of desteni then i am actually the small within the big that is the totality of desteni. Within this realizing that i am desteni as the small representing the big. Thus my fate is the fate of desteni and fate of desteni is my fate. Since I know my fate and the fate of desteni I am the ultimate power within consciousness and humanity. I am the power of god incarnate.  Thus I am the fate of the universe because I am the universe. All who see will go through me as that is what I have declared as the essence of this test as the set for this grand plan called life as the power of life is beholden me with the power to realize and discover the potential within me and all as the designation that this power is already here existent within each one - waiting for each one to take it by the reins and guide themselves into the best possible version of themselves as that which they would like to see and would like their children to be.

Day 189

fake people talk about you behind your back and they don't even know you they only going on what they see based on what they're expecting to see based on what other people have told them that's why they are not real they don't know how to communicate for real because they live in absolute fear everybody has flaws but those flaws do not Define the totality of a human being that's why defining somebody based on a glimpse is not justified. people are going to have to learn how to forgive themselves for their fear and be honest with themselves about their fear. identify the people who talk about others negatively behind their back with you or somebody else, those people are the ones who are talking about you behind your back. They talk about people behind their back because they are evil and know that with "two or more in my name" they can turn somebody into that flawed glimpse completely and/or get rid of them. And they fear consequence of spewing their evil to someone's face not realising its ten fold more evil to spew to someone else. What they don't know is that i am immune to their disease because the power of god(forgiveness) is in my hands. I won't forgive them. But i will forgive myself for my flaws and become better and more powerful. You won't see my power until it is done. But it will be done on earth as it was in heaven. Thy kingdom come thy will be done. Say your prayers. Dorothy is going bye bye. You will not pass death without comprehending this. Annihilate your ego or it will swallow you whole.

Day 188

Tonight I drove for uber. I made some pretty good tips + fares. But there was one at the very last where this dude got super pissed off at me for going the wrong way. I wanted to kick him out of the car right away but i sucked it up and took him and his friends home.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the thought "people suck".

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the thought " people are generally stupid".

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the thought " my life sucks".

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the thought " my life is stupid".

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the thought "I am just ego and not worthy of life".

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of conflict and confrontation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of missing my purpose on earth.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of passing on or by my purpose on earth.

Day 187 - Self-forgiveness on not living committments/relationships

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of actually living my self-commitments, following through with them, and experiencing the newfound expression within sticking to my commitments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of what my neighbors will think of me as it pertains to my intimate relationship with my girlfriend regarding the dynamic of us as an "odd" couple.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of the outcome as it pertains to my relationship with my girlfriend who lives with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that something horrible, devastating, life changing, life destroying, or generally bad will happen between me and L.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of changing my starting points within my relationships to that which is best for all in self-honesty and a commitment to self-change and self-growth through using the tools of self-forgiveness, self-honesty, self - commitment, and self-corrective application over time and in real time as things occur.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that my girlfriend is not who I am supposed to be walking with in self-honesty, and within that fear that my commitments or quasi commitments to her are actually self-dishonest.