Day 133 - Suppressions

I notice that I suppress a lot when it comes to interactions with women especially and also just generally interactions with people. This holds most prominence when it comes to my interactions and encounters with women. As I noticed that back before I went into a relationship I was finally breaking free from this pattern of ‘being afraid to talk to women’ and then as a sort of byproduct I chose the first person that was really interested in me to go into a relationship. Which I did not know and did not expect that doing so would end up compromising myself because in the attempt to maintain the relationship I suppressed almost any and all interactions and potential sexual encounters and/or relationships with any other women.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my interactions and dealings with women and people in general.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my sexuality and sexual expression with women.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my ‘seeking out’ of women.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my sexuality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress who I am in my relationships and dealings with people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my relations with women.

I forgive myself that I have accepted  and allowed the fear of doing what I need to do in self-honesty for myself and all as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in order to be fulfilled and to be happy that I must enter a relationship and suppress all my desires for other women or my desire for a more perfect woman or desire to fuck a random woman that wants to fuck me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be in a relationship in order to be fulfilled mentally, emotionally, and physically disregarding the evidence that if this relationship is not in the image and likeness of totally devoting ourselves to each other in every way then I will not be fulfilled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my desire for a beautiful woman with the perfect features mentally, emotionally, and physically because ‘its not possible’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be in relationship in order to be fulfilled emotionally, physically, and mentally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my desires for women.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be in a relationship with someone in order to have sex with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect a certain outcome when it comes to women and relationships.

I commit myself to express myself sexually openly and freely without worrying about the dynamics of relationship/marriage and whether it is ‘ok’ or ‘not ok’.

I commit myself to stop suppressing my interactions with women.

I commit myself to seek out what I resist and have resistance towards doing and/or resistance towards acting in a moment as that indicates what my program does not want in order to keep me enslaved.

I commit myself to talk to women and express myself openly with women.

I commit myself to stop expectations of any particular outcome with women and just live and be.