I have this desire to be liked and get attention from other people. Where does this come from? It seems like all of my interactions I'm waiting to be noticed - sought out - liked. Its like I am constantly waiting for someone to notice me and like 'track me down' to say hi or whats up. It seems I have been waiting for this all my life but it has rarely ever happened! It's like I'm waiting for someone to get up and seek me out and say 'hey! here I am! whats up?' or 'hey whats your name?!'.
Where does this come from? It seems like a lot people are like this or have been like this - or maybe that is just my perception that other people are all the same as me. I always wondered 'if this is how they are and this is how I am - then why don't we come together to be liked together?'. I remember as I was a kid - much younger - it was the same thing - waiting for someone to notice me - like me - seek me out - give me attention in some way that shows they are interested in me - but that rarely ever happened. So why did this never happen? Why hasn't this ever been fulfilled in the way I envisioned in my imagination?
It has been mainly concerning women for most of my life as women has been the primary point that I have always wanted to find within myself in terms of interaction/friendship/relationship. I would see a woman - hope she would look at me - hope she would begin to engage me - and finally sit down to talk to me - but it never happened. When it did happen it was not like I wanted it to be - it was never like I had imagined it happening.
When she would approach me there would be this imagination of her talking to me. In this imagination I would tense up and feel constricted/restricted. I would become this very tense/diseased guy and it would always throw off the woman. My awkwardness with women eventually created an anxiety where when confronted with speaking to women or actually sitting down to get to know them one on one - I would go into nervousness - and this would throw them off. This anxiety would keep me from becoming intimate with some women and never letting myself go with these women. I had a tough time relating to women - being comfortable with them and at ease with myself - communicating in a way that wouldn't be awkward. So I have always been trying to be at ease with myself around women and find a way to communicate with them that wasn't weird or trying to be someone I'm not or actually imposing myself upon them in their space.
I was enslaved by this idea that the woman would take the reins. Always wishful/hopeful in thinking that 'she' would be the one to come onto me and make the first move. I had always anticipated that some girl would come and talk to me - and ultimately would 'like' me and we could be friends and actually get along. And maybe even be in a relationship together. But this hardly ever happened. But I wanted it to happen. I always wanted to be liked and accepted by most women.
And as I look at this it has always been about finding sex with women. Even when I was very young I wanted to have sex with women but I didn't know how - and I mostly worried that they wouldn't appreciate my body or what I have to offer. This was always the main dilemma with women - always wanting to find sex but too scared to actually seek it out or make the first move. Whenever I was confronted with women and the possibility of having sex it was always too scary to me and I always feared too much that they wouldn't like me and/or especially like my body. This was always too hard for me to overcome to actually come to the point of actually having sex even though I wanted to have sex from a young age. It was scary because I wanted to be accepted and to be liked but I didn't want to feel rejected or disliked. And there was always that possibility of being rejected or disliked. So within this I wanted to feel accepted without being rejected by others.
Where does this come from? It seems like a lot people are like this or have been like this - or maybe that is just my perception that other people are all the same as me. I always wondered 'if this is how they are and this is how I am - then why don't we come together to be liked together?'. I remember as I was a kid - much younger - it was the same thing - waiting for someone to notice me - like me - seek me out - give me attention in some way that shows they are interested in me - but that rarely ever happened. So why did this never happen? Why hasn't this ever been fulfilled in the way I envisioned in my imagination?
It has been mainly concerning women for most of my life as women has been the primary point that I have always wanted to find within myself in terms of interaction/friendship/relationship. I would see a woman - hope she would look at me - hope she would begin to engage me - and finally sit down to talk to me - but it never happened. When it did happen it was not like I wanted it to be - it was never like I had imagined it happening.
When she would approach me there would be this imagination of her talking to me. In this imagination I would tense up and feel constricted/restricted. I would become this very tense/diseased guy and it would always throw off the woman. My awkwardness with women eventually created an anxiety where when confronted with speaking to women or actually sitting down to get to know them one on one - I would go into nervousness - and this would throw them off. This anxiety would keep me from becoming intimate with some women and never letting myself go with these women. I had a tough time relating to women - being comfortable with them and at ease with myself - communicating in a way that wouldn't be awkward. So I have always been trying to be at ease with myself around women and find a way to communicate with them that wasn't weird or trying to be someone I'm not or actually imposing myself upon them in their space.
I was enslaved by this idea that the woman would take the reins. Always wishful/hopeful in thinking that 'she' would be the one to come onto me and make the first move. I had always anticipated that some girl would come and talk to me - and ultimately would 'like' me and we could be friends and actually get along. And maybe even be in a relationship together. But this hardly ever happened. But I wanted it to happen. I always wanted to be liked and accepted by most women.
And as I look at this it has always been about finding sex with women. Even when I was very young I wanted to have sex with women but I didn't know how - and I mostly worried that they wouldn't appreciate my body or what I have to offer. This was always the main dilemma with women - always wanting to find sex but too scared to actually seek it out or make the first move. Whenever I was confronted with women and the possibility of having sex it was always too scary to me and I always feared too much that they wouldn't like me and/or especially like my body. This was always too hard for me to overcome to actually come to the point of actually having sex even though I wanted to have sex from a young age. It was scary because I wanted to be accepted and to be liked but I didn't want to feel rejected or disliked. And there was always that possibility of being rejected or disliked. So within this I wanted to feel accepted without being rejected by others.
