Monday, January 30, 2017

Day 149

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what is best for all and the desteni group.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the desteni group as 'bad' and 'not what is best for me or all'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for participating within desteni and using the tools and the information.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought 'desteni does not care about me'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought 'I do not care about desteni'.

So today I'm like super in my mind and its almost like every thought I have so easily manipulates me and every emotional reaction that happens in my mind and/or every thought that goes through my mind seems so 'powerful' and feels like it has 'possession' of me. I'm getting really tired of this world and the systems in this world. I want something different. I want something more. I'm tired of the world.

I commit myself to try and do something that would be best for all.
I commit myself to try and live in a way that is not being dishonest with myself.
I commit myself to try and stop my possession.
I commit myself to stop my demons.
I commit myself to stop my bullshit. 

Thursday, January 26, 2017

Day 148 Lamp

I noticed I started feeling a little panicky and anxious just a moment ago. There’s something very calming about the arrangement of my desk and the lamp that is on it that is helping me remain calm and stable. It was one of those moments where one thing leads to the next, you react, and then react to the next thing and the next thing – and things are not going your way – and you’re feeling anxious anyway so you feel like you ‘need’ ‘this’ and ‘that’ and ‘this’ and ‘that’ are not as you expected or planned so then you get all panicky. And really the entire evening I have been fairly calm and I would pass the desk with the lamp and it would calm me. And really throughout the entire evening this has been the only point of calm within myself – the soothing tone of the lamp on the desk. Being fairly stable already but then the lamp keeps coming back to calm. And also the plants arranged near the lamp as well. Its like just sitting here in this arrangement on the computer typing this is is exactly where I need to be and most calming and stabilizing thing for me in this moment. 

Saturday, January 21, 2017

Day 147 - Which Drugs are Which

So the illegality of street drugs illicits the assertion and also plainly stated/claimed that they have no medical value. Of course when you talk about medical value you're talking about the mind and body which deals with issues such as pain, discomfort, disease and then as well mental aspects of the human condition including stress, anxiety, depression, phobias, paranoia, and PTSD.

Now this illicit or explicit claim that the street drugs have no medical value is simply false. The reason behind this abuse is paranoia regarding the abuse of drugs as well as vested interests in its illegality obviously primarily regarding  profit and control.

If I were to analyze the big drugs sold on the streets it's easy to come up with a pharmacological use and basis for the existence of these drugs.

Cocaine - a triple reuptake inhibitor involving serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine. This in all practical sentiment would be considered an antidepressant considering many antidepressants have the same pharmacological action in the brain but I would argue not near as effective.

Methamphetamine - actually chemically and pharmacologicaly identical to the drug "adderall" prescribed to people apparently lacking focus with a deficit in attention span. Also I would argue that this in all practical estimates is an antipsychotic due to its action of blocking dopamine in the brain - the overload of which is the primary cause of conditions such as schizophrenia.

Then you have heroin - heroin being an opiate with obvious use as a painkiller. Opiates can have other beneficial effects when it comes to mental well being as far as being able to relax and also releasing pleasure chemicals in a balanced way for enhanced well being for a moment.

Then you have molly, lsd, and ecstasy(sometimes being a combo of drugs with molly). These drugs can be good for PTSD and getting past mental traumas and past fixations involving traumatic or life changing events that one has trouble letting go of.

There is however one drug on the streets that I see as having very limited capabilities as far as being beneficiary and that is crack. Due to its addictive nature along with its potential for blasting too many chemicals in the brain at once at essentially an imbalance - such as flooding the brain with dopamine - with no pharmacological balancing properties - this can be dangerous for on setting paranoia and or even developing conditions such as schitzophrenia.

Marijuana. I would argue that Marijuana is more of a detriment than a benefit. But many have seen the benefits of it. I would argue that it is not as safe to use as many would claim. Definitely a drug that can enhance mental problems rather than help or cure them.

You'll never hear this type of point of view or information because the ones that know have a vested self interest in not letting anybody know because their entire career is based on upholding common nomenclatures surrounding drugs which gives him/her the title of superior drug dealer. And also they must abide by the laws and their not going to tell you that doing something against the law is a good idea. I mean like it's a catch 22 and their like literally fucked. And they keep fucking their patients left and right. They would actually serve better as literal prostitutes in most cases.

Final note: all drugs usually have a pharmacological basis and use. The point of the post is not to advertise benefits of drugs but to show the corruption behind our laws as there in fact are benefits from the selected use of drugs. Obviously drug addiction and drug abuse is an issue of self will and self control. Many of the dangers of drugs are overstated and veiled with a perception of hysteria regarding these two factors. However the existence of these two factors does not warrant assertions that 'these drugs have no medical value'. It is important we make a distinction between the abuse of drugs and whether or not these drugs objectively have any medical value. Millions of pain medications are abused or used without prescription every day but these cases do not warrant their eradication as drugs of no value. The point is the same goes for many of the illegal drugs. Substances like alcohol are widely available and prevalent within society but yet is abused extensively and has shown to be a perpetrator or contributing factor to many cases of abuse and crimes but yet it is still legal due to its popularity. The point is that just because something is illegal does not mean it should be and vice versa. The point of this post is to approach social problems and issues within self honesty in realizing the actual dynamics and problems within current accepted norms of society - and realizing that the actual accepted norms of society are not always truthful nor benevolent in their aims - and that the objective mind can examine topics such as this and find that other agendas besides the good of the people are at play in the for instance illegalization of drugs that retain medical value.

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Day 145 - Relaxation

Today I've been super relaxed and go with the flow of things which I like and prefer rather than being on edge and stressed all the time.