I know that the feelings I have are an illusion or do I? Do I know anything?
I feel like my life is minimal .
What am I doing here?!
I get so pissed off . But why?
Why am I always so pissed off?
I hate everything I experience, I disdain the feelings themselves but they feel 'good' . It feels 'good' to charge the systems in my body. I don't have a clue what is really going on, or do I? I know that the mind has created hell on earth. That's great.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the thought ' the mind is greater than me'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought ' I don't like the mind'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought ' the mind is greater than who I am'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought ' the mind is bullshit'.
I know the mind is a system of excuses for not taking self responsibility for the world and or I guess more importantly the world as a whole?
I don't have a clue.
I am experiencing fear of going to the movies with somebody? I never planned on going to the movies with anybody well I sort of did an while back but we never went and we were not planning on it today or this weekend or anytime soon. So maybe we should go to the movies or something.
Anyways I want to let the past be the past am start anew. I want to start a new life and start really getting to know what tibia to live and get to know somebody?
I forgive myself for that I have accepted and allowed the thought I am useless.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Elitism is a form of Terrorism
When September 11 happened it 'shocked' the United States and maybe the rest of the world - or maybe the rest of the world quietly said 'they had it coming'. Regardless it happened and people were shocked they said 'how could this happen' - 'so many innocent men and women were killed - families were destroyed'.
What we don't see is how we are creating mass murder through our current system - how the haves ignore or even don't hear or know about the existence of the have nots - everybody hears that their are starving people - but we generally don't know to what extent - and we don't ask ourselves WHY.
Is capitalism really a form of benevolence that allows humans to live in a better world? If it was so great then why would anybody starve?
The comparison of elitism and terrorism is true because the haves don't do anything about the existence of have nots. Instead of just charities and small band aids to our overall disease - which is similar to how our medical system operates - band aids applied to diseases which could be prevented in the first place or truly healed - while deliberately distributing nearly worthless drugs that do not prevent but only seek to minimize the symptoms.
Notice how charity is almost like a band aid - yes it will severely impact the lives that it reaches but it doesn't have any lasting change as to the condition of poverty as a whole.
So we as the elite are applying band aids to the problems of starvation and inequality - instead of rearranging the core foundation of our system into one that is the example of what would breed and create benevolence as a living reality for all.
What we don't see is how we are creating mass murder through our current system - how the haves ignore or even don't hear or know about the existence of the have nots - everybody hears that their are starving people - but we generally don't know to what extent - and we don't ask ourselves WHY.
Is capitalism really a form of benevolence that allows humans to live in a better world? If it was so great then why would anybody starve?
The comparison of elitism and terrorism is true because the haves don't do anything about the existence of have nots. Instead of just charities and small band aids to our overall disease - which is similar to how our medical system operates - band aids applied to diseases which could be prevented in the first place or truly healed - while deliberately distributing nearly worthless drugs that do not prevent but only seek to minimize the symptoms.
Notice how charity is almost like a band aid - yes it will severely impact the lives that it reaches but it doesn't have any lasting change as to the condition of poverty as a whole.
So we as the elite are applying band aids to the problems of starvation and inequality - instead of rearranging the core foundation of our system into one that is the example of what would breed and create benevolence as a living reality for all.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Healthcare Is Not a Marketplace
I was watching the show The Last Word with Lawrence O'Donnell on tv. The point of healthcare and the healthcare system in America was the general topic. One of the guests mentioned that healthcare and 'buying' healthcare isn't a luxury like going to a store to buy a television - which is basic common sense - so therefore healthcare is not a 'luxury' in the sense that people don't go to the hospital to buy anything luxurious(excluding cosmetic plastic surgery)- hence it is a basic human right and need.
Healthcare is something we need which puts many normal people in the position of having to bare high out of pocket costs to get even basic checkups done - and many insurance companies now require that you pay a certain amount out of pocket until your benefits start to kick in - be it 1000 or 2000 dollars worth of costs. I had to face this point recently because the insurance I am under has a policy that you must pay your healthcare costs out of pocket up to 2000 dollars and after that they will start to pay - where you will then only have to co-pay. This puts people in the position of having to pay out of pocket costs which many people if not most cannot afford - on my policy after the 2000 - there is a 250 dollar co-pay for a visit to the emergency room. Its such a basic important upkeep of one's health to go to an E.R. when needed and to receive regular tests/analysis of your blood but it is almost like going to a store to buy something expensive - because healthcare is really expensive - that is why it is reported as the #1 cause of bankruptcy in the United States. 250 U.S. dollars is like an entire months worth of groceries.
In Capitalism - Capitalists argue that the 'free market' creates a more competitive environment for healthcare - which supposedly leads to places like the United States to create 'the best healthcare in the world'. But is it really the best healthcare in the world? Do these hospitals and drug companies really spend that much money on their operating costs/building costs to charge an arm and a leg just to go to the emergency room for a bad case of bronchitis or to get a necessary blood test for some other ailment? Are the health insurance companies and the doctors really focused on preventing disease instead of just treating the disease? If the healthcare is so 'good' why is it leading to the unraveling of somebody's entire net-worth or making them file for bankruptcy?
If you watch some shows on TV and I have heard many cases that exemplify this - whenever somebody is sick or gets severely hurt - their stay - which is necessary by all means especially in the case of physical injuries - tends to rack up a bill so large that they would probably never be able to pay it off if they worked all their life with the salary they make. It is staggering the kinds of costs a disease such as cancer and the treatment thereof can accrue - I've heard of 500,000 dollar bills up to 1,000,000 dollars worth of hospital and treatment costs.
The costs of healthcare are staggering and yet the United States which has been deemed by some to have 'the best healthcare in the world' has the highest rates of heart disease and obesity - obviously exemplifying that we don't have the best healthcare in the world - when the evidence of the basic health of a nation is the standard to which to measure their healthcare system.
Healthcare has been deemed a marketplace by capitalists - where the drive to make more money outweighs all other considerations of good-will. So capitalists see the ailment as a way to exploit the human body for a profit - "who cares - I don't have to take that drug - so I will be fine". That is what goes through the minds of many capitalists that exploit the human for profit - "if its not me I will be fine - as long as I am making the money I will be fine".
Which is a sad state of affairs that people could actually know the harm of the drugs that are prescribed and still be willing to harm for their personal gain.
But the truth is healthcare Should Not be a marketplace - but as far as mainstream capitalist consumerism healthcare - that is exactly what it is - a means to exploit others for individual personal gain.
Healthcare is something we need which puts many normal people in the position of having to bare high out of pocket costs to get even basic checkups done - and many insurance companies now require that you pay a certain amount out of pocket until your benefits start to kick in - be it 1000 or 2000 dollars worth of costs. I had to face this point recently because the insurance I am under has a policy that you must pay your healthcare costs out of pocket up to 2000 dollars and after that they will start to pay - where you will then only have to co-pay. This puts people in the position of having to pay out of pocket costs which many people if not most cannot afford - on my policy after the 2000 - there is a 250 dollar co-pay for a visit to the emergency room. Its such a basic important upkeep of one's health to go to an E.R. when needed and to receive regular tests/analysis of your blood but it is almost like going to a store to buy something expensive - because healthcare is really expensive - that is why it is reported as the #1 cause of bankruptcy in the United States. 250 U.S. dollars is like an entire months worth of groceries.
In Capitalism - Capitalists argue that the 'free market' creates a more competitive environment for healthcare - which supposedly leads to places like the United States to create 'the best healthcare in the world'. But is it really the best healthcare in the world? Do these hospitals and drug companies really spend that much money on their operating costs/building costs to charge an arm and a leg just to go to the emergency room for a bad case of bronchitis or to get a necessary blood test for some other ailment? Are the health insurance companies and the doctors really focused on preventing disease instead of just treating the disease? If the healthcare is so 'good' why is it leading to the unraveling of somebody's entire net-worth or making them file for bankruptcy?
If you watch some shows on TV and I have heard many cases that exemplify this - whenever somebody is sick or gets severely hurt - their stay - which is necessary by all means especially in the case of physical injuries - tends to rack up a bill so large that they would probably never be able to pay it off if they worked all their life with the salary they make. It is staggering the kinds of costs a disease such as cancer and the treatment thereof can accrue - I've heard of 500,000 dollar bills up to 1,000,000 dollars worth of hospital and treatment costs.
The costs of healthcare are staggering and yet the United States which has been deemed by some to have 'the best healthcare in the world' has the highest rates of heart disease and obesity - obviously exemplifying that we don't have the best healthcare in the world - when the evidence of the basic health of a nation is the standard to which to measure their healthcare system.
Healthcare has been deemed a marketplace by capitalists - where the drive to make more money outweighs all other considerations of good-will. So capitalists see the ailment as a way to exploit the human body for a profit - "who cares - I don't have to take that drug - so I will be fine". That is what goes through the minds of many capitalists that exploit the human for profit - "if its not me I will be fine - as long as I am making the money I will be fine".
Which is a sad state of affairs that people could actually know the harm of the drugs that are prescribed and still be willing to harm for their personal gain.
But the truth is healthcare Should Not be a marketplace - but as far as mainstream capitalist consumerism healthcare - that is exactly what it is - a means to exploit others for individual personal gain.
" i don't know what to do" character
I have this experience of "I don't know what to do" a lot. This is in my everyday experience pretty extensively - I think about how I am going to make enough money in order to be able to pay my own bills. This is the main thing I have worry about - how I am going to pay my bills - and how I am going to be able to stop having to borrow money from my brother all the time.
I think about when I will be able to pay my own bills - will I be scraping by - or will it happen whenever I am making decent money where I maybe even have more money left over to spend on things like clothes and household stuff and what not - I also imagine that when I have money I would have a nice apartment and drive a nice car - or maybe a different car. Whenever I imagine that I am making good money it's always like seemingly in the 4000 a month range. Maybe one of these days I will find a good job or start a new career. I set a goal to be a real estate agent. It costs about 1000 dollars for all the schooling and the license application fee. I have had my mind on this in the past but now I have just now come back to it as a career idea at least so I can start to make some decent living. But would this hinder from pursuing other more important interests? I've though about studying homeopathic medicine and becoming a homeopathic doctor. I don't know what the schooling is like for that - how much it costs - where I can get the schooling - and how much time in school before I would have my own practice. It seems interesting to me because I have learned through desteni that homeopathy is the avenue for which the body heals itself from ailments - I have never practically personally used homeopathy for any sort of ailment or condition like anxiety or depression so I have no personal experience with the medicine. But the principle of 'like cures like' makes sense to me even though I have never used homeopathy. I would need to research this as a career opportunity and to see what it would cost where and how long it would require for schooling.
This would go along the lines of a career that I would feel as though I would really be helping people through healing in a natural way but I would need to research it more extensively before I would start the schooling.
I have also extensively thought about becoming a lawyer or studying law going to law school. One of the things that comes up in my thoughts whenever I so start to think about becoming a lawyer or just studying law is 'what if I don't make it' - 'what if I can't keep up with the course study'? So these thoughts are one of those things that would hinder me from doing something based on fear of 'not getting in' 'not having enough money' and 'not having the drive /motivation in order to do well in the course study'. But this drive/motivation fear like 'what if I don't have the drive/motivation to keep up with the course work' is a big fear for me because last year I studied psychology only one class was psychology but the other classes were just basics - I failed a course and that was disappointing to me because it was like 'blahhhh' the entire coursework. I did we'll in the psychology class even though it was fairly straightforward and easy for me - plus it was intriguing and got my curious side brewing - but as far as going to school it was kind of like 'ehh it's alright but I'm not having a shitload of interesting study'. Plus the entire time I didn't have a car and I didn't have very much money and I didn't have any job. Plus I started drinking a lot during the summer after school.
I think about when I will be able to pay my own bills - will I be scraping by - or will it happen whenever I am making decent money where I maybe even have more money left over to spend on things like clothes and household stuff and what not - I also imagine that when I have money I would have a nice apartment and drive a nice car - or maybe a different car. Whenever I imagine that I am making good money it's always like seemingly in the 4000 a month range. Maybe one of these days I will find a good job or start a new career. I set a goal to be a real estate agent. It costs about 1000 dollars for all the schooling and the license application fee. I have had my mind on this in the past but now I have just now come back to it as a career idea at least so I can start to make some decent living. But would this hinder from pursuing other more important interests? I've though about studying homeopathic medicine and becoming a homeopathic doctor. I don't know what the schooling is like for that - how much it costs - where I can get the schooling - and how much time in school before I would have my own practice. It seems interesting to me because I have learned through desteni that homeopathy is the avenue for which the body heals itself from ailments - I have never practically personally used homeopathy for any sort of ailment or condition like anxiety or depression so I have no personal experience with the medicine. But the principle of 'like cures like' makes sense to me even though I have never used homeopathy. I would need to research this as a career opportunity and to see what it would cost where and how long it would require for schooling.
This would go along the lines of a career that I would feel as though I would really be helping people through healing in a natural way but I would need to research it more extensively before I would start the schooling.
I have also extensively thought about becoming a lawyer or studying law going to law school. One of the things that comes up in my thoughts whenever I so start to think about becoming a lawyer or just studying law is 'what if I don't make it' - 'what if I can't keep up with the course study'? So these thoughts are one of those things that would hinder me from doing something based on fear of 'not getting in' 'not having enough money' and 'not having the drive /motivation in order to do well in the course study'. But this drive/motivation fear like 'what if I don't have the drive/motivation to keep up with the course work' is a big fear for me because last year I studied psychology only one class was psychology but the other classes were just basics - I failed a course and that was disappointing to me because it was like 'blahhhh' the entire coursework. I did we'll in the psychology class even though it was fairly straightforward and easy for me - plus it was intriguing and got my curious side brewing - but as far as going to school it was kind of like 'ehh it's alright but I'm not having a shitload of interesting study'. Plus the entire time I didn't have a car and I didn't have very much money and I didn't have any job. Plus I started drinking a lot during the summer after school.
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