Day 207

Today was interesting. I felt pretty sick and weak generally for most of the day. So I finally decided to go to the doctor to see if I could get this cyst/bite treated. It seems that it has gotten much bigger since yesterday and has become quite painful to the slightest touch and/or from movement local to the site. Whenever I was in the hospital I started to get angry towards the fact that I had gone and that they had not done what I wanted and expected them to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry with myself and others when my expectations do not match up to the reality and/or decisions of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of the consequences for following the guidelines and procedures of western medicine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of accepting and alloweing the idea that western medicine can be good or make sense at times.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of accepting western medicine's practices will compromise my body's health and integrity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that western medicine is only designed to make us sicker through suppression instead of real treatment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that western medicine is purely evil and participating within it will have disastrous consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that western medicine is designed to heal rather than just treat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that western medicine and following its procedures for common things will weaken my immune system and eventually I will be too weak to fight off diseases or infections. 

Day 206

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of having no money and not being able to meet my financial obligations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of not being able to sustain a business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of not being able or diligent enough to make a difference in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of not being able to find my way or place within this world. 

Day 205

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to question my resolve, my ethic, and my willingness to do, be, and become that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to question my goal of becoming that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the fear of the people in my life that seem to at times not want me to do and become my utmost potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the people in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the people in my life that don't want me to change, expand, or grow because that would mean that they would have to also.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of change, growth, and self-expansion towards a better me, a better future, and a greater potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the process of changing myself as that which I have resistance to doing as the system impulses one to remain within the bounds and confines of one's own mind as belief systems that justify one's limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the limitations, excuses, and justifications of the mind through me or represented through another  to keep me from expanding - using the excuse that others are keeping me trapped and that I am apparently trapped with them - also using the excuse that they are apparently supporting me in some ways that are beneficial.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of breaking the confines of current existed dynamics of relationship that do not exemplify that which is best for all life - believing that I am confined within these dynamics as a result of suppression or some form of submission.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of breaking free from the chains of self-compromising and self-aggrandizement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of breaking free from the limitations of my own mind as that which has been superimposed onto me and my body as a form of justification for the way the world is or apparently should be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I gain anything from compromising myself, my commitment, my consistency, and my application of that which I have proven to myself to make me better and stronger every day - simply because those in my reality do not share these same traits nor have or exhibit the will to change as I do - and within the acceptance and allowance of such persons I am by default accepting limitation - and accepting the resonance of limitation within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel fear when presented with a future that is uncertain or filled with fear as accompaniment to the uncertainty.

Day 204

Today I was able to accomplish a couple of new creative things that made me see things a little bit differently. One was I was accomplished building a gate for a place within our fence that needed easy access to due to its higher traffic nature towards our the clothesline and storage shed. Another was brushing the horses for the first time up close by their sides. This was cool because usually due to mostly the fear that we are not comfortable with the horses enough - we usually stand between them and the fence. But finally I was able to go under the fence with ease due to removing a broken board and finally brushing them using a plastic palm brush. I definitely enjoyed this and the feeling of the horses trusting me to brush them and trusting me to stand next to them and feel their bodies. Another thing that was cool and new was I created my first website today - published one on one platform - and created 2 more and two different website creation platforms. It is an exciting process the unfolding of the creation of a business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of the process of creating a business - the factors that go into it - the diligence - and the qualities of creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I may lack or will lack the skills, traits, qualities, and abilities needed in order to successfully create, run, and maintain the existence of a profitable business venture.