Day 203

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "I hate all people and I just want to die".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "I hate my life so much".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "life sucks ass".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "life is terrible and nobody actually cares".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought "life is bullshit and nobody gives a shit".

I was playing poker online and the players began to bully me and others. I don't know if that was the catalyst or if that was just showing me what is happening in other areas of my life as far as relationships goes but I started going through this same old type of experience within myself where I feel like I hate the world and my well being in this experience is so deteriorated my mind goes to killing or retaliating in some way to 'get back' against these bullies or whoever it is that is abusing me or others around them blindly and obnoxiously. The thoughts within me compound to such an extent that I am left just sulking or basking in these emotions of anger, pure reverence for all despicable behaviors and abuse. Its really unbearable falls somewhere around speaking to family at times. The only thing I can attribute i to is it usually members - and I've had this experience of reverence while playing online poker before - usually towards the players or particular player that is abusing obnoxiously and usually anonymously. And its these weak moments like these that make me want to go and use drugs to life me out of it for a moment. Even though I know that is not a solution - and more so becomes a habit when faced with these particular emotions and experiences again.

I guess I should stick to my writing daily.

Day 202

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that I will never be financially free.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that achieving financial freedom only requires diligence, common sense, and a willingness to see things through to completion.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deny the principles of wealth creation at the start of my adventure to creating wealth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of creating wealth for myself and my loved ones. 

Day 201 - Shooting In Las Vegas

The shooting in Las Vegas was confirmation for me that the government has covertly been associated in many if not all of the mass shootings within the past four to five years. See in a democratic society you cannot just force down rules, regulations, and new laws down people's throats. You need to have their consent because thats how a democracy works or at least that is how the crazy demons must conduct it - because apparently they have a vote and an opinion and that it is valid for its own sake - be it what is best for all or not - and therefore apparently have the right to bear arms and retaliate if a law is passed that does not fit their point of view.

So in order to eventually get to the point where the crazy demons have to take whatever is shoved down their throats by the government - you have to take away their guns apparently - or so the crazy demons believe - as they believe that their guns is what stands between them and their government - obviously within this forgetting that the pen is much mightier than the sword.

So back to how this all relates to the recent shooting in Las Vegas and the other shootings which we have seen in higher frequency in American modern history in the past few years. In order for the government to get an agenda passed - such as taking away people's guns - you need to stage a series of events that gets a collective dialogue going about 'how to avoid this mess and these tragedies' - you essentially have to incorporate tactics used by propagandists for over a century. You can create an event which receives a lot of attention and media exposure - the event obviously must be significant enough, clever enough, cunning enough, or severe enough to where it sparks all kinds of emotions within people - and then you must present what you are seeking as a measure that may be a part of bigger overall plan but is a crucial step to its completion - present the solution to this particular event or the future prevention of this type of event from occurring again. The result of the event must be sort of 'obvious' as 'what will be done going forward' - and that which you are seeking as your goal in this particular instance must be actually decided upon by the collective crazy demons as if it was their own idea in the first place - even though everything is set up by you to get them to come to the conclusions that you want - so that they will accept and even promote the 'plan' or 'measure' that you are trying to take or have been trying to take but have not yet convinced your constituents that this must be done - because obviously your goal is larger than theirs and they have no interest in yours - or the significance of this particular step on the way to achieving your goal - so you must orchestrate the events and aftermath in such a way that leads them to decide upon your measure as if it were their own idea. Thats propaganda 101 - and that is the way The United States of America has been run and orchestrated since the early 1900's. Fascinating isn't it? Any time you see a slogan - a phrase - repeated over and over again - you are listening to propaganda - it is the means for which you can run a 'democracy' - whenever all the crazy demons aren't really interested in what is best for all - nor do they have a clue about even how the basic mechanics of their minds function - so therefore you have the policy makers - who set the agenda for them - just orchestrate their relations in ways where the people will do what you want as if they are doing it for themselves. 

Day 200

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of missing out on life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of having no money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of not having a business partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of not having someone to hold and comfort me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of not having an income from business.