Day 171 - Blogging 'For others' vs. 'For self'

So one thing I can still see within my ‘blogging’ is writing from the perspective of ‘helping other people’. I know that this is a dishonest starting point for writing my blog because my blog is about me only and my process – and my process is not about ‘helping’ anybody – especially whenever I do not have ‘directive principle’ over my life. Especially when I have not ‘grasped’ the ‘process’ in its totality and what it means for me and how I need to approach it and live within its ‘bounds’. 

Day 170 -

Lately I've been putting off writing my blogs which I know based on experience and over time that whenever I write my blog more regularly or daily that my life is much better and goes much better.


So I guess this brings up the point of 'procrastination' and recently I clearly identified a physical indicator that I have been 'living' this 'word' in my life. The point that identified itself was a basket of clothes that I really don't wear that were gifts for Christmas. These clothes had been sitting in a basket unfolded for a couple of months now since its march and I got them December 25. Obviously within this physical indication of 'procrastination' and/or even 'laziness' it was clear that these clothes needed to be 'dealt with'. So within that moment I immediately applied myself to move and 'deal with' the clothes in the proper manner which included putting most in a bag in storage and some to fold and put away in the closet or drawers. So that day I started writing about 'procrastination' and 'laziness' because I clearly saw within this realization that I had been 'putting off' 'dealing with these clothes' that there had to exist some point of procrastination and/or laziness within my life and living that I haven't not sorted out nor maybe even have been aware of to the extent to which it may actually be affecting my life and creating unnecessary consequences - as evidenced by the extent to which I had put off 'dealing with the clothes' even though I live in a studio and everything is always 'in its place' 'put away' 'disorganized' 'dirty' etc clearly and evidently because I can see everything in my studio all the time because its 'all around me all the time' because the place is so small. So the fact that I had just then realized that I needed to 'deal with' these clothes and thus did it in that moment - and the fact that this point has existed within my immediate environment and line of sight for the duration of its existence - clearly indicated that this point of 'procrastination' and 'laziness' was something 'here' and 'needed to be dealt with'. Identifying the point was within the framework and context of 'thoroughly' cleaning the entire house. I notice that within that and within doing many different tasks points that 'went unnoticed' or 'forgotten' usually 'reappear' in space and time and 'present' themselves as 'this needs attention'.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put off, postpone, and wait on directing points to completion that presents themselves within my reality - where in the moment of 'choosing' to 'postpone' and/or 'directing' - 'directing' is always better because I immediately take responsibility and sort it out instead of 'waiting' and 'postponing' - which within living 'postponement' and 'waiting' obviously these things have bigger significance than perceived by the example of 'the basket of clothes' - and within that represents that I may be 'waiting' and 'postponing' my entire life - as within the realization of the principle of 'the small is the big' and 'the big is the small' - within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny the significance of 'small points' having 'huge relevance' and vice versa and that within directing myself and my life to what is best for all - and living and becoming the directive principle of my life - small and big points have equal measure within the 'relevance' of 'sorting them out' within the goal and objective of becoming the directive principle of my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny the significance of seemingly 'small' things in my life that 'need attention' such as the basket of clothes that needed to be put up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait and postpone on completing necessary tasks within my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'waiting' and 'postponing' is beneficial even though it is only delaying the 'inevitable' - and within the 'practice' of 'waiting' and 'postponing' I am amalgamating myself within these words within my life which will create consequences, chaos, and havoc.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait and postpone on completing necessary tasks/duties within my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to and/or deny that 'putting things off' does not accomplish 

Day 169

I love myself. I care about myself. I want what is best for myself, my life, and for all.
I commit myself to do what is best for all to bring about a change within my life, within myself, and within this existence as whole so that we can have true life and living on earth that is in the image and likeness of 'what is good' and 'what is best for all life'.

I commit myself to stop my paranoia surrounding taking the practical steps and actions as that which accumulates me and my life into a version that is best for all - and within that developing and practicing self-honesty so that I can begin to trust myself - begin to trust my capability and my capacity to live with integrity and being true to myself.

Day 168

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of letting go of the past and starting a new life and a new future for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of being honest with myself and true with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of doing what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to denigrate and deny the relationships I have formed instead of taking action and making them the best they can be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of the future and the fear of something bad happening to me that would ruin my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of going to jail or prison.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of fucking up my life beyond repair and regretting my decisions.

I commit myself to take responsibility for my life and make the decisions and take the action that is best for all.