Day 4 - Redefining Bitch

So I have seen how in my mind's eye I have come to define women as a sort within the word 'bitch'. And within this going back and forth between the idea that 'all women are bitches' and also 'only some women are bitches'. So an interesting thought behind this ordeal with 'all women are bitches' or 'only some women are bitches' I have never considered that I could redefine the word bitch in itself.

1. 
   
2. 1:  the female of the dog or some other carnivorous mammals
3. 2a :  a lewd or immoral womanb :  a malicious, spiteful, or overbearing woman —sometimes used as a generalized term of abuse
4. 3:  something that is extremely difficult, objectionable, or unpleasant
5. The dictionary definition. 

Within my mind the primary exposure or meaning that is invoked when I hear or am exposed to this word is within the context of definition 2b and to a lesser extent 2a. Within this there is also the linked assumption or idea that this definition is synonymous with all females which is actually high degrading and disrespectful. So is there a way I can redefine this word in my mind's eye to not be of the representation of something highly degrading and disrespectful to people? I can redefine the word 'bitch' as something extremely difficult, objectionable, and unpleasant. Within that not linking this word to an entire sex of people but linking it to certain situations or events that fit within this context. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define all females within the category of 'bitch' as a malicious, spiteful, or overbearing woman or a lewd woman. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought 'all women are bitches'. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the emotional attachment of the word 'bitch' to its "malicious, spiteful, lewd, or overbearing woman' definition or connotation. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that my definition of the word 'bitch' and its connotation of a 'malicious, spiteful, lewd, or overbearing woman' has limited my capacity to have honest relationships with females as whole. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that all females are bitches within the context of 'a malicious, spiteful, lewd, or overbearing woman'. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that women are generally 'lewd, spiteful, malicious, and overbearing'. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that some women are generally 'lewd, spiteful, malicious, and overbearing'. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that women as a sex are wholeheartedly 'lewd, spiteful, malicious, and overbearing' as a general nature. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the belief that all women are within the context of my mind's eye's primary definition of 'bitch' are actually all evil. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed the belief and assumption that all women are evil. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief and assumption that all women are evil and spiteful in nature and hence they are all 'bitches'. 

I commit myself to redefine the context and nature of this word's use to not be synonymous with all women but to be reserved for some situation or authority that abuses their power. 

I commit myself to redefine the nature of the word 'bitch' to include not only those who abuse their power but for the ones that deliberately impose harm on others out of spite.

Day 3 - Pornography

So one of my issues with my sex life is that since I'm not getting any sex I have to or compelled to look at pornography to achieve orgasm. Part of me feels like this is just a side effect of one not getting any and not having the money to support an effective relationship but part of me also thinks this is a catch 22 thing according to what i have been taught about pornography and sex. Which in that equation my lack of a sex life is due to my addiction to pornography. I would counter and say its more because of my lack of money but then again I have been taught that if you have an addiction to pornography will cause a lack of money. All I know is that in self-honesty when I don't have sex and don't have an effective release of some sort then it can cause serious problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that pornography is an effective replacement for real sex with a woman.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that pornography is equal to having sex with a real woman.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge pornography as being bad and within that judge myself as being bad within participating within the construct of pornography.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of the construct of pornography.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the judgment of pornography and all of its users.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the judgment of the orgasms that I achieve while using pornography.

I commit myself to find a partner in life to have real sex with.
I commit myself to find a partner in life that will open up new doors for my being and my expression in this existence. 

Day 2 Sleep

So today I got up at 6:00 on the dot which hasn't happened in a while because I ususally sleep through my 6:00 alarm and never even hear it but this morning I either did hear or my body naturally got up at 6:00. This has been an ongoing issue because if I set an alarm for a certain time I usually want to get up at that time but my body hasn't wanted to get up at that time and many times I'll only get up to the very last alarm and then set a timer for how much remaining time I want to sleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the feeling of tiredness to overwhelm me in the morning to where I just want to sleep in or continue sleeping past my alarms.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed tiredness in the mornings to control and possess me to sleep more than I need to and thus causing unwanted consequences throughout my day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the feeling of tiredness to overwhelm me and control me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the feeling of tiredness to be greater than my will to get up in the morning at a certain time.

I commit myself to get up at the time that I set my alarms and if not to not judge myself for it.
I commit myself to have the will to get up at a certain time whenever I declare with an alarm that certain time.
I commit myself to make my will to get up in the morning and be an effective human being greater than my will to sleep longer. 

Blogging

I notice that the proceeding days after I blog there is an accumulation effect that happens where I feel like I have more of a purpose and that I'm living out that purpose. I guess thats the whole point of the 7 year journey to life is finding your purpose in life. So I commit myself to blog for 21 days straight to see how it can change my life and effect me on a personal basis in my day to day experience. I commit myself to write myself to life in finding the support that is necessary to be an effective human being in this world. I commit myself to finding the purpose that was given to me from birth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of being in public around other people and talking and interacting with those people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the idea that I can't be in public and be surrounded by people and have a good time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief that my personality does not jive with being in public around other people and talking and interacting with those people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the idea that my personality is not going to be ok in a public setting where there is drinking going on.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that my life will deteriorate if I go to the bar and drink around others and talk and interact with others at the bar.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear that bars will deteriorate my well being and cause me to go down a path that is destructive and will-less.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the idea that the universe will destroy my well being and personal happiness if I choose to go out and have fun with people in my environment.