I notice blogging helps me in my process even though hardly anybody reads this. But I realize its not about them. Its about me and my life. If somebody reads it and likes and shares thats great but thats not my primary objective because essentially I'm not trying to make money from my blog. If I was trying to make money I would post things in a specific nitche regularly to gain traffic and attention. But I don't do that because thats not what this blog is about. Its about what is best for all. Its about self-honesty and self-expression through writing which I have proved over time helps me in my life whether it be for an emotional outlet or mental stability. It helps and I have proved that to myself.
Thursday, March 10, 2016
Monday, March 7, 2016
Back Pain 2
My back pain is a little bit better today but still hurts. Now I have some tingling and numbness in my left hand that came out of nowhere. Its kind of scary and I'm thinking its got to have something to do with my back as well.
I went to OffLease Only in Orlando which is a used car dealership and saw a bunch of cars. It was interesting to see the various differences in the cars including one of the big factors which was smell. Some of the cars had a dog, cigarette smoke, and body odor smell that wasn't too appealing. I'm trying to decide whether I should get a new car(used) or wait until my mom can buy a car and save up to buy her car outright so I won't have a car payment and can just pay insurance. Or I can buy my own car and be done with and pay the monthly payment + insurance. I think I'm just gonna buy my own car for once and be done with it. So now the next step is deciding what car to buy.
Today I had this experience where I all the sudden felt low and angry. And I wasn't sure exactly where it came from. I deduced it was from the fact that my mom had just invited me over to my brothers for dinner as if I had nothing better to do or that it was my duty to go over to his house for dinner. Either way I wasn't exactly given a choice in the matter. She didn't ask me if I wanted to go over there she automatically declared that we were going over there without asking me. So that was a wee bit perturbing. But I had a decent time so it was alright.
I feel so trapped alot of the time. I want to be on my own and be independent. But that scares me to not be saving any money and have to spend it all on bills rent, car, etc.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of buying the wrong car.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my family keeping me trapped.
Im still trying to find a car. This process gets on my nerves. But I want to make a smart decision and get the best car for the best price. Its hard to know youre getting a fair deal out there. This whole process is such a stressful thing. I'm really getting eerie of it. I want to choose the best car for the best price that I can afford. But somehow this whole thing seems dishonest. I want to choose the best car in self-honesty. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I went to OffLease Only in Orlando which is a used car dealership and saw a bunch of cars. It was interesting to see the various differences in the cars including one of the big factors which was smell. Some of the cars had a dog, cigarette smoke, and body odor smell that wasn't too appealing. I'm trying to decide whether I should get a new car(used) or wait until my mom can buy a car and save up to buy her car outright so I won't have a car payment and can just pay insurance. Or I can buy my own car and be done with and pay the monthly payment + insurance. I think I'm just gonna buy my own car for once and be done with it. So now the next step is deciding what car to buy.
Today I had this experience where I all the sudden felt low and angry. And I wasn't sure exactly where it came from. I deduced it was from the fact that my mom had just invited me over to my brothers for dinner as if I had nothing better to do or that it was my duty to go over to his house for dinner. Either way I wasn't exactly given a choice in the matter. She didn't ask me if I wanted to go over there she automatically declared that we were going over there without asking me. So that was a wee bit perturbing. But I had a decent time so it was alright.
I feel so trapped alot of the time. I want to be on my own and be independent. But that scares me to not be saving any money and have to spend it all on bills rent, car, etc.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of buying the wrong car.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of my family keeping me trapped.
Im still trying to find a car. This process gets on my nerves. But I want to make a smart decision and get the best car for the best price. Its hard to know youre getting a fair deal out there. This whole process is such a stressful thing. I'm really getting eerie of it. I want to choose the best car for the best price that I can afford. But somehow this whole thing seems dishonest. I want to choose the best car in self-honesty. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Sunday, March 6, 2016
Back Pain
I recently started having back pain that I used to have all the time about 7 years ago. Its back and now its like worse or just as bad as before. Which sucks because I do physical work that requires me to bend and stoop almost constantly and today it is really bad. Its got me worried because I don't know if I can keep up with this work with this pain all the time. I feel like I would have to start taking something for the pain to deal with it on a regular basis. I can't believe I have to deal with this sort of thing. I don't exactly know what I'm going to do about this pain.
Writing really helps me sort out things in my head. It somehow helps me sort through all the bullshit that is inside of me including all the fear. Tonight it really helped me because I felt so dead inside after working all day like I had nothing left to give and had no hope for the future. It sort of gets me back on track and focused on going in the direction that I want to go. And gets me back focused on the things that get me going and excited about life.
I'm really tired of my life and existence not having enough money to support myself - to be on my own and have my own life and do what I want. Tired of living with my mom. Tired of relying on family for anything.
Writing really helps me sort out things in my head. It somehow helps me sort through all the bullshit that is inside of me including all the fear. Tonight it really helped me because I felt so dead inside after working all day like I had nothing left to give and had no hope for the future. It sort of gets me back on track and focused on going in the direction that I want to go. And gets me back focused on the things that get me going and excited about life.
I'm really tired of my life and existence not having enough money to support myself - to be on my own and have my own life and do what I want. Tired of living with my mom. Tired of relying on family for anything.
Thursday, March 3, 2016
Money=Debt
`This article confounds and expands upon "The Central Bank" because essentially the Central Bank in this country is where all the money is coming from and being filtered into the government and the big banks. Most of the money in circulation is actually credit and theres like 250 trillion in credit money but not very much of actual real currency.
No money comes into our money supply without being supplied in the form of a loan with interest. That's why when America says they are paying 250 billion a year on their debt, thats what they are paying, interest towards the money they borrowed which they couldn't generate in tax revenue. But the key here is that the money that was not generated from tax revenue had to come from somewhere and thats where the central banks come in. So the central banks loan the government money at an interest rate.
No money comes into our money supply without being supplied in the form of a loan with interest. That's why when America says they are paying 250 billion a year on their debt, thats what they are paying, interest towards the money they borrowed which they couldn't generate in tax revenue. But the key here is that the money that was not generated from tax revenue had to come from somewhere and thats where the central banks come in. So the central banks loan the government money at an interest rate.
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